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Pics with Bio-Mom

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:19 PM
  • 214 Replies

it was step son's first day of kindergarten this morning. both my husband and bm were separately snapping pictures of their son. I walk away for a minute and when I come back my dh is handing me bm's camera and he asks (awkwardly) if I will take a picture of him with bm and their son together with her camera. bm is watching him ask me this because she is the one who put him up to was not dh's idea.

so, he asks me if it's okay. I replied "that's weird" and then dh snapped back into reality and told bm that he wasn't going to do it.I am still confused about what just happened. bm wanted me to take a picture of her with my husband and their son. Was my initial reaction of telling them I am not okay with that, the right move? I know that bm is the type to post pictures all over her facebook and instagram and my concern is that she would post this picture of a "happy family" to include my husband for the world to see.I narrowly see why she wanted the three of them in the picture, for their son to see when he gets older, but is that really wise for him to see them as a family unit in pictures when they are not in real life?My husband did the right thing by asking me if it was okay and then taking my side when I said "no". And, I know that I am now the bad guy in bm's eyes for saying no. Should I have let them take the picture together?

***EDIT*** Here's a curveball.  What if I had asked bm to take a picture of me, dh, and ss5?  Even if I hadn't asked her to be the photographer, what if she had seen me snapping pictures with dh and ss?  Would that have been equally as appropriate as the three of them taking pics?  (for the record - i made it a point to not take any pictures with ss in front of bm.  i am conscious of her role as his mom and don't want to be disrespectful in any way to her even if it means that I choose the safe route when unsure about how to act)  I am just curious how you all feel if the request for pictures had come from a sm instead of bm.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:26 PM
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I would have reacted the same way as you. Dh wouldn't have even asked, he would have told BM no from the jump.
by Bronze Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:27 PM
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It's a picture, not living arrangements.  I guess I don't see a huge issue with Mom, Dad, kid pictures on big days, even if Mom and Dad aren't together anymore.  I mean, they still bred together to make the kid.  You can't erase that.  So why shouldn't the kid be able to have a picture with both his parents?  

by Ruby Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:30 PM
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This would never happen, as SO doesn't like BM and would tell her no most likely. But if he did ask me I probably would just do it.

That said, I have pix of me, ds18 and his dad at his high school graduation
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:33 PM

I would have taken it. I have taken them. I took some of SO, BM, and SS5 (4 at the time) at SS5's prek grad. We also took some of SO, myself, and SS5. I even sent some to BM and posted them all on facebook. We did the same for first day of Kindergarten too. It wasnt uncomfortable for me.  It was prob more uncomfy for my SO as he DESPISES BM. LOL

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:36 PM
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Honestly, don't spin about's not like you had a long drawn out convo with DH to convince him of the evils of the had a gut reaction two word reply...most new wives probably would have in the moment if honest with themselves...the choice was completely DHs and well...he made his own choice...don't think another moment on it.

by Le Bonjour Chat on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:36 PM
My DH would have said no way. But if I had to, I would.
by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:36 PM
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I did that once. As dad's gf...

It was ss's third bday party. Bm's s/o at time was the one who point out he wasn't comfortable with it. So I got off the hook for saying anything.
The idea hasn't been brought up since. Bm wanted to take pics of ss, Dh and I together on his first day of preschool. But she's never brought up a "family picture" again.
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:46 PM
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When SS started kindergarten last year, we were all there also.  We all took pictures for the sake of SS(mind you, BM and I don't get along at all and DH dislikes BM for good reason).  It was important for him to see that we were all there supporting him on his first day at school.  He's never been away from "family" before, so this was huge for him.

During SS kindergarten graduation, it was all of us again taking pictures with SS.  I never took a pic with BM and SS...that would have been weird, but I had no problem with DH and BM in the pic, along with the teacher and SS.  That's a proud moment for both DH and BM to see their son finish his first school year.

Even though looking at that pic makes me laugh my head off (clearly both parents were not comfortable), it wasn't about them, me or the rest of the family - that day was about SS graduating Kindergarten.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:52 PM
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A memory for a kid of him and his parents preserved in a photo is weird?  It isn't for the parent and it isn't for you to decide it's weird. 

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:54 PM
3 moms liked this

My dh would have said no. He would never have put me in that position in the first place.

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