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what would you do in this situation? UPDATE

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 6:19 PM
  • 16 Replies

 i am NOT pleased with it. and i am aware it is also partly an SO problem as well.

BM lost her daycare assistance. out of pure unadulterated idiocy. she almost lost it in january, but cried her way back and LOST IT AGAIN THE SAME WAY. this time they told her too bad, so sad, the wait list you will go.

before you ask, no my SO is not court ordered to pay for half of jack shit. they sort of left their CO unfinished because both of them were sick of court. child support is taken from his check. however, he does not leave the skids hanging. we pay for ALL their clothes, shoes, and they are at our house eating all our food most of the time. if daycare was coming out of her pocket im sure she would have made sure he was responsible for half but it wasnt so she didnt. she qualifies for the help. so this was an unexpected LARGE expense for us blue collar folk.

since this event, BM has had her 15 year old and her loser bf "watching" ss5. at her house, there is loser bf, his two girls ages 8 and 6, her 15 year old son and ss 12, 10, and 5. 12 would be ok on his own or with his 15 year old bro but bickers w ss10 if unsupervised all the live long motherfucking day. ss10 is young for his age and ss5 doesnt listen to anyone. ever.

she let her son go visit his uncle for a few weeks. somehow, this meant the skids needed to hang out at our house. with my ds18 and 15, who never agreed to babysit for anyone other than my infant. my ds15 is being a good sport about it but my ds18 is trying to focus on my infant. im paying him to watch him as a summer job until week after next, when he starts daycare.

SO told the skids that if ds18 tells them to leave the living room they must liien. day 1. ss10 is acting like a turd. ds18 asks him to leave. ss10 snottily "make me" ds18 calls SO, SO has to come home from work and handle this. ss10 spent the remainder of the day in his room. day 2. ss5 is yelling in the living room when baby is trying to sleep. ds18 tells him to leave. he says no. ds18 calls SO. ss5 gets mad and throws a piece of foam at ds18, hitting my baby. SO comes home and spanks ss5. baby is fine. today. it is 315 pm and my baby has hardly napped at all because ss5 will not stop yelling.

i am not mad at the skids. they surely did not ask for this. ss5 should be in daycare with some routine, rest time, recess. he is cooped up in our house with teenage step siblings that dont know how to care for a preschooler and needs to blow off steam.

what im irritated about: if BM lost her daycare, why the HELL are WE holding the bag for her when we have no supervision at OUR house? she caused this! i am aware they are SO's kids and i should expect anything. i just am not sure why her loser bf is sitting on his fucking ass in her house while my sons have to put up with the skids acting up while we are working!!! "they arent his responsibility" well they aint my sons responsibility either!!!!!

grrrr!

update: so. yesterday, ss10 was over at BM with party boys girls ages 6 and 8. (ss12 and ss5 were at our house) party boy left them from "early in the morning" until lunch time. BM came home to check on them around 1145. she usually does not get lunch until 12. party boy was gone but got there a few minutes later. first he told her hed only been gone 20 minutes but then he told her he had child support court (homie has custody of his girls because their mom is dead. he has 3 other kids from 3 other women) SO, he leaves the alone apparently. so it looks like skids would be at our house until her 15 year old comes home.

BM complained about him and his kids "tearing up her house and putting holes in her walls and shes fed up" but she wont do shit. she never does. he dumped her 3 times for the same chick and she still took him back every time. i think the only reason he hasnt bounced back w that chick again is because the other chick was done w him. BLAH! bunch of losers. useless breeders, those ones.

 
        
         

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 6:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
pepper504
by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 6:32 PM

I do not get why your SO allowed this.  Like you said, it's her problem, not his.  If it was SO's time, then so be it, but it's not. 

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 6:36 PM

 i dont get it either but im really fucking irritated. i told SO that something needs to be done because it isnt fair to anyone. not even ss5. and im not picking on him but this aint working. he feels terrible about it. but i think he feels that he is making his kids feel unwanted if he sends them to moms. they do feel unwanted there.

pepper504
by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 6:38 PM


Quoting faerie75:

 i dont get it either but im really fucking irritated. i told SO that something needs to be done because it isnt fair to anyone. not even ss5. and im not picking on him but this aint working. he feels terrible about it. but i think he feels that he is making his kids feel unwanted if he sends them to moms. they do feel unwanted there.

Because they are unwanted.  It is what it is and you all should not be picking up the slack because BM messed up her situation with daycare.  And to lose it the same way that almost lost it the first time.

He's not the one failing his kids, BM is by not taking care of HER responsibility on HER time.  Your kids should not be babysitting them, especially when they refuse to listen to the ones that are in charge.  Time for someone to find alternate daycare when it's THEIR time with THEIR kids. ;)

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 6:41 PM

 honestly if shit dont improve i think custody needs to change. i dont want to be primary..... im cool with what he is CO'd and up to 50/50. im not their mom and i wish shed do her fucking job. but this is getting to be re freakin diculous.

Quoting pepper504:


Quoting faerie75:

 i dont get it either but im really fucking irritated. i told SO that something needs to be done because it isnt fair to anyone. not even ss5. and im not picking on him but this aint working. he feels terrible about it. but i think he feels that he is making his kids feel unwanted if he sends them to moms. they do feel unwanted there.

Because they are unwanted.  It is what it is and you all should not be picking up the slack because BM messed up her situation with daycare.  And to lose it the same way that almost lost it the first time.

He's not the one failing his kids, BM is by not taking care of HER responsibility on HER time.  Your kids should not be babysitting them, especially when they refuse to listen to the ones that are in charge.  Time for someone to find alternate daycare when it's THEIR time with THEIR kids. ;)

 

 
        
         

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 6:43 PM

It sucks, for everyone, but can you, and perhaps even your older boys, look at it like they are the better option than loser boyfriend at BMs house? 

How does SS5 behave when it is SOs time with him?   How does SS10 normally behave when he's at BFs home?  Where is BM in all this?  She's not babysitting other kids because she's unlicensed now, why isn't SHE keeping her kids on her time?  (did I miss that part?)

Honestly though, I dont' know what I'd do.  I'm the one who has the boys by default, never BF.  It's always been this way so to me, this is normal in our situation.  I think I'd be doing just what you are though, talking to SO, trying to figure out what a better solution would be for SS5 and SS10.  Any camps you can put SS10 in?  Anyone in your neighborhood who babysits and maybe could take on SS5 for a brief (few weeks) time?  Any family members (of BFs or BMs) nearby that'd enjoy some 'one on one' time with either or both boys?  Friends nearby who you don't think are ready to have kids yet, who need some 'personal time' to realize they aren't either? (LOL) 

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 6:55 PM

 

Quoting jules2boys:

It sucks, for everyone, but can you, and perhaps even your older boys, look at it like they are the better option than loser boyfriend at BMs house? 

i really try to look at it positively. but it keeps pissing me off. they are better off here. but not much, they arent supervised!

How does SS5 behave when it is SOs time with him? 

ss5 just doesnt listen well to anyone. my SO follows through and disciplines and makes sure hes done what hes told but honest to goodness, he NEVER complies. not one time ever. he got time out every day when he was at daycare. he is the same w BM. hes the same w anyone. i love the kid but i do not take him with mne anywhere unless SO goes.

  How does SS10 normally behave when he's at BFs home? 

he usually is upbeat but out of the kids he is the most different. my sons and his brothers are ug.. boy.. sports. ss10 likes to play with girls and do arts and crafts and likes attention.. any attention and if he doesnt get it he acts annoying. but for the most part he generally is usually in a good mood. but lately he has not been in a good mood.

 Where is BM in all this? up party boys ass She's not babysitting other kids because she's unlicensed now, why isn't SHE keeping her kids on her time?  (did I miss that part?) BM isnt a daycare provider. she is a medical assistant. she had daycare assistance to help pay for her kids daycare and did not comply w her contract and got das boot. she still has to work, while her loser bf is laid up at her house w his kids. meanwhile WE ARE WORKING TOO but yet the skids are at our house. thats why im annoyed! but SO is the one that went and got them! why!!! why why does he always clean her fucking messes! because "they are my kids" but to me he crosses the line of doing for her incompetent ass! she fought tooth and nail for primary custody yet we have them about 75% of the time. while paying child support.

Honestly though, I dont' know what I'd do.  I'm the one who has the boys by default, never BF.  It's always been this way so to me, this is normal in our situation.  I think I'd be doing just what you are though, talking to SO, trying to figure out what a better solution would be for SS5 and SS10.  Any camps you can put SS10 in?  Anyone in your neighborhood who babysits and maybe could take on SS5 for a brief (few weeks) time?  Any family members (of BFs or BMs) nearby that'd enjoy some 'one on one' time with either or both boys?  Friends nearby who you don't think are ready to have kids yet, who need some 'personal time' to realize they aren't either? (LOL)  i wish but no. we barely got my infants daycare situation squared away then this neglectful, irresponsible POS drops the ball.

 

 
        
         

elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 7:34 PM

Sounds like alot for ALL of you, especially your 18y/o!  maybe y'all could keep a few of the SK's, and BM's friend could keep the rest?

BM did something similar to DH before I was dating him, when we were just friends. DH ended up going to CPS to get SD b/c the home BM took her to for "care" got raided.

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:16 PM
BM can't handle having custody apparently. If your SO gets custody then you can arrange daycare and camps or sitters. A 5yo needs a structured day and sounds like the 10yo could use that too. Would your SO qualify for daycare assistance?

Basically right now your SO is paying CS that you all need to set up a better situation for the skids.
jlg12678
by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:21 PM

I honestly believe your dh needs to file for primary. I do not often advise this but in your situation he does everything and bm slacks/fails constantly. It is not fair to the skids to live the way they do with her. 

SMInProgress
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:38 PM

It sounds like everyone in your house is giving it their all.  Frankly, I think your DH is afraid to leave kids with BMs slacker BF.  Seems to be that BM & BF are the winners in this situation. They not only screwed up & got the other side to take care of it for them but they sent their other kid to their uncles.  They obviously don't care if you guys can handle it.  Hope next time your DH doesnt pick up the ball for them.  Let BM fight & nag her jobless, slacker BF. Maybe that'll teach them not to forget important things like daycare.  And really, if there is no heinous physical abuse, please don't file for full custody.  You all have your hands full & really not healthy for your 18 year old to take care of the bratty skids.  Ok to take care of his younger siblings but others?  Don't think you can pay him enough after a while :)

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