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what would you do in this situation? UPDATE

Posted by   + Show Post

 i am NOT pleased with it. and i am aware it is also partly an SO problem as well.

BM lost her daycare assistance. out of pure unadulterated idiocy. she almost lost it in january, but cried her way back and LOST IT AGAIN THE SAME WAY. this time they told her too bad, so sad, the wait list you will go.

before you ask, no my SO is not court ordered to pay for half of jack shit. they sort of left their CO unfinished because both of them were sick of court. child support is taken from his check. however, he does not leave the skids hanging. we pay for ALL their clothes, shoes, and they are at our house eating all our food most of the time. if daycare was coming out of her pocket im sure she would have made sure he was responsible for half but it wasnt so she didnt. she qualifies for the help. so this was an unexpected LARGE expense for us blue collar folk.

since this event, BM has had her 15 year old and her loser bf "watching" ss5. at her house, there is loser bf, his two girls ages 8 and 6, her 15 year old son and ss 12, 10, and 5. 12 would be ok on his own or with his 15 year old bro but bickers w ss10 if unsupervised all the live long motherfucking day. ss10 is young for his age and ss5 doesnt listen to anyone. ever.

she let her son go visit his uncle for a few weeks. somehow, this meant the skids needed to hang out at our house. with my ds18 and 15, who never agreed to babysit for anyone other than my infant. my ds15 is being a good sport about it but my ds18 is trying to focus on my infant. im paying him to watch him as a summer job until week after next, when he starts daycare.

SO told the skids that if ds18 tells them to leave the living room they must liien. day 1. ss10 is acting like a turd. ds18 asks him to leave. ss10 snottily "make me" ds18 calls SO, SO has to come home from work and handle this. ss10 spent the remainder of the day in his room. day 2. ss5 is yelling in the living room when baby is trying to sleep. ds18 tells him to leave. he says no. ds18 calls SO. ss5 gets mad and throws a piece of foam at ds18, hitting my baby. SO comes home and spanks ss5. baby is fine. today. it is 315 pm and my baby has hardly napped at all because ss5 will not stop yelling.

i am not mad at the skids. they surely did not ask for this. ss5 should be in daycare with some routine, rest time, recess. he is cooped up in our house with teenage step siblings that dont know how to care for a preschooler and needs to blow off steam.

what im irritated about: if BM lost her daycare, why the HELL are WE holding the bag for her when we have no supervision at OUR house? she caused this! i am aware they are SO's kids and i should expect anything. i just am not sure why her loser bf is sitting on his fucking ass in her house while my sons have to put up with the skids acting up while we are working!!! "they arent his responsibility" well they aint my sons responsibility either!!!!!

grrrr!

update: so. yesterday, ss10 was over at BM with party boys girls ages 6 and 8. (ss12 and ss5 were at our house) party boy left them from "early in the morning" until lunch time. BM came home to check on them around 1145. she usually does not get lunch until 12. party boy was gone but got there a few minutes later. first he told her hed only been gone 20 minutes but then he told her he had child support court (homie has custody of his girls because their mom is dead. he has 3 other kids from 3 other women) SO, he leaves the alone apparently. so it looks like skids would be at our house until her 15 year old comes home.

BM complained about him and his kids "tearing up her house and putting holes in her walls and shes fed up" but she wont do shit. she never does. he dumped her 3 times for the same chick and she still took him back every time. i think the only reason he hasnt bounced back w that chick again is because the other chick was done w him. BLAH! bunch of losers. useless breeders, those ones.

 
        
         

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 6:19 PM
Replies (11-16):
Nlvonblah
by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 1:15 AM

Yeah, I don't get it.  I would be pulling my fucking hair out.  That's just way too many kids in one house.  I bet the 18 yr old can't wait for "summer" to end.  

Is there any way your SO and BM can alter the kids like these 2 EOW and these 2 EOW? The two that get along the most?

N

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 2:41 AM

How very frustrating!  I'm out of suggestions as you've done/are doing all I can think of.  I can't imagine being that frustrated with the entire situation.  I do greatly admire your attitude though.  Well placed anger and frustration for sure!  :)  And that which you can't change, you aren't trying to.  Good for  you! 

pepper504
by Gold Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 9:40 AM

Honestly, I have NO clue how you do it, faerie.  Really, I do not.  I could understand if the kids listened, but shit...they do anything BUT listen. 

Hugs.

Quoting faerie75:

 honestly if shit dont improve i think custody needs to change. i dont want to be primary..... im cool with what he is CO'd and up to 50/50. im not their mom and i wish shed do her fucking job. but this is getting to be re freakin diculous.

Quoting pepper504:


Quoting faerie75:

 i dont get it either but im really fucking irritated. i told SO that something needs to be done because it isnt fair to anyone. not even ss5. and im not picking on him but this aint working. he feels terrible about it. but i think he feels that he is making his kids feel unwanted if he sends them to moms. they do feel unwanted there.

Because they are unwanted.  It is what it is and you all should not be picking up the slack because BM messed up her situation with daycare.  And to lose it the same way that almost lost it the first time.

He's not the one failing his kids, BM is by not taking care of HER responsibility on HER time.  Your kids should not be babysitting them, especially when they refuse to listen to the ones that are in charge.  Time for someone to find alternate daycare when it's THEIR time with THEIR kids. ;)

 


bottomline
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 11:03 AM

 I wish I had some great advice to share with ya. I can only imagine how frustrating this situation is. Has SO thought about filing for primary? I really think he should so you guys can plan and make arrangements to prevent this kind of situation from happening again.

How long are the sk's staying with you? Is bm looking for alternative day care? Hang in there mama, you are doing a good thing for those kids and giving 100%. I admire you for that.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 12:09 PM

 if he had custody of all three of his kids, yes.

we always read about teh NCP whining about support and CP is really coming out the pocket more. GOOD CP'S are. this BM is not a good CP. this situation is not a good situation.

i am in total agreement about the 5 and 10 year old. they need supervision, routine and structure. 12 year old is fine without daycare as long as hes not with ss10..

the only red herring is, if we did file, BM would get pissed off and not let her 15 year old son come over. that is her right, its her kid but my SO raised him from 9 months to 11. for a few years, he was not allowed to talk to or see him but then BM started letting him see him again. this kid has been through so much. he is treated like a servant/maid/babysitter and then had to watch as his brothers all got to some see dad and he had to stay home for all that time. he is a good kid and gets along well w my teen sons. he told SO that if the skids ever come to live with us, can SO ask for him to go too. well, we all know thats not gonna happen, because SO has no rights to the kid :(

Quoting OvrMyHead:

BM can't handle having custody apparently. If your SO gets custody then you can arrange daycare and camps or sitters. A 5yo needs a structured day and sounds like the 10yo could use that too. Would your SO qualify for daycare assistance?

Basically right now your SO is paying CS that you all need to set up a better situation for the skids.

 

 
        
         

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 12:59 PM

 I hear you and I feel for you and SO.  Yup, the problem with CS is that its not necessarily being used for the kids.

Quoting faerie75:

 if he had custody of all three of his kids, yes.

we always read about teh NCP whining about support and CP is really coming out the pocket more. GOOD CP'S are. this BM is not a good CP. this situation is not a good situation.

i am in total agreement about the 5 and 10 year old. they need supervision, routine and structure. 12 year old is fine without daycare as long as hes not with ss10..

the only red herring is, if we did file, BM would get pissed off and not let her 15 year old son come over. that is her right, its her kid but my SO raised him from 9 months to 11. for a few years, he was not allowed to talk to or see him but then BM started letting him see him again. this kid has been through so much. he is treated like a servant/maid/babysitter and then had to watch as his brothers all got to some see dad and he had to stay home for all that time. he is a good kid and gets along well w my teen sons. he told SO that if the skids ever come to live with us, can SO ask for him to go too. well, we all know thats not gonna happen, because SO has no rights to the kid :(

Quoting OvrMyHead:

BM can't handle having custody apparently. If your SO gets custody then you can arrange daycare and camps or sitters. A 5yo needs a structured day and sounds like the 10yo could use that too. Would your SO qualify for daycare assistance?

Basically right now your SO is paying CS that you all need to set up a better situation for the skids.

 

 

Married, CSM to SD14 & SS12, CBM to DS12 & DD9

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