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Would you ask?

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 7:09 PM
  • 13 Replies

If your Ex has always denied your request for extended time with your child, do you keep asking every time the opportunity starts or would you stop after a number of years of this experience?

Are there things you should always ask, just in case the Ex suddenly changes their stance?

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 7:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
petie1104
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 7:11 PM
I'd keep asking. Honestly, I would start asking why (not to them just to myself) is it never ok. But i would keep asking.
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:39 PM

This just came up.  DH just doesn't ask for flexibility when it means he would get more time with his kids.  She never says yes and always makes some huge scene around it as if he is an asshole for taking, taking, taking.

He is going to a baseball game tomorrow night.  The Mariners are on a streak.  SS16 loves baseball and loves going to games.  I suggested he invite SS to take the train up, go to the game and head back home the next day.  I don't think he will do it.  Even though he loves the idea.

I would keep asking.  He doesn't.

FindersKeepers
by Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:44 PM

My DH stopped asking since BM was a power tripper.... she just likes to tell him no.   She got more flexible after she married a nice guy. 

Now the kids are older teens so for big things DH still asks to trade weekends.... for little things the kids ask BM themselves.  Something like a baseball game, they would just ask their mom if they could go just like if it were with a friend.  Probably not the dr recommended way, but seems to work out better for our situation since BM is more reasonable when the kids ask directly. 

luckystars2012
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:36 PM
If I were ncp I would never stop asking.
jlg12678
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:42 PM
1 mom liked this

It's situational in my opinion.  My dh has stopped with some things because it is just not worth the hassle of dealing with bm's drama. Something minor like an earlier pick up time turns into a debacle that takes a couple of days to figure out and includes lots of unnecessary back and forth. 

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 1:05 AM
DH asked! SS had plans but it was a good step. At some point the kids get to decide about activities, DH is starting to see that.
Quoting pdxmum:

This just came up.  DH just doesn't ask for flexibility when it means he would get more time with his kids.  She never says yes and always makes some huge scene around it as if he is an asshole for taking, taking, taking.

He is going to a baseball game tomorrow night.  The Mariners are on a streak.  SS16 loves baseball and loves going to games.  I suggested he invite SS to take the train up, go to the game and head back home the next day.  I don't think he will do it.  Even though he loves the idea.

I would keep asking.  He doesn't.


ROBIN-C
by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 1:42 AM

First of all I will never understand why some parents (in normal divorce situation with no issues of a sure or drugs etc) refuse to be flexible! 

Why can't the CP put themselves in the NCP shoes? If the other parent had custody wouldnt you want them to be flexible and allow you to see the child as much as reasonable?

yes I would keep asking! I would also ask why CP insisted on being difficult. 

jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 3:55 AM

Yes, I'd keep asking if I was NCP.  I'd ask when I wasn't asking for something specific too, to get to the root of the reason additional time was always denied. 

That said, I think BF doesn't ask for more time because he feels guilty about the divorce and the situation, how it came about. His guilt isn't my concern but if he doesn't ask, I don't offer (I used to, he never took it, so I stopped asking, especially when the boys decided they didn't want to go in the first place, they certainly didn't want to go more often). 

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 8:11 AM
I would suggest asking. The worst thing that happens is CP says no, right? If CP does that in dramatic fashion, attacking NCP for asking, calling names, etc., then you have ammunition on hand for future court if/when there are any modifications to be made. But nastiness is their problem, not yours for asking to spend a little extra time with your child.

My DH (CP) almost always gives BM extra time when she asks, when the request is reasonable. He has put his foot down a few times, but those instances usually had more to do with parenting conflicts than asking for time. Her plans for the time aren't always things he approves of for his kids.
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ChelseNichole
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 8:56 AM

I would keep asking.

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