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really stop just stop

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:46 PM
  • 15 Replies
Bm keeps sending me list of things to send back with sd. I've ignored then asked her to stop and so had dh. I know what she wants me to send but I'm not sending all of it because sd doesn't need most of it here and if she needs it there that's fine bm can buy it and keep it there. Dh agrees. I get the same text every other day like clock work. Its sooo fing annoying.
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kss12
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:48 PM
What the heck could she possibly need you to send back with sd?!
amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:49 PM

What is she asking you to send? Stuff you already have or stuff she wants DH to buy?

elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:55 PM

BM here did that too, down to specific socks and undies. DH told her fine, as long as she did the same thing, as in sending EVERY thing SD had ever worn over there WE bought. BM stopped, partly b/c it was too much stuff, and partly b/c DH told her he wasn't doing it.

lnr187
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:02 PM

 how often is sd with her? what kinds of stuff is it? i agree she should provide for her kid, but if it's stuff that she sent with sd at one point, then it should go back. though i don't think you're that type of person anyways :)

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:02 PM

BM does that with us all the time. SD packed 4 pairs of shorts, 2 pairs of jeans, 4 tank tops/t-shirts and 2 long sleeve shirts for a visit with BM. I watched SD on Thursday and rather than BM doing laundry she texted me and asked me to have SD bring more shorts and t-shirts...

Every single visit SDcomes home with a suitcase full of clothing that smells like pee. So, either we send a weeks worth of clothes, or SD wears dirty clothes that smell like pee. The stupidest part is that SD can do her own laundry, she does it here just fine. She even OFFERS to help with the regular laundry (mine, DH's, and DDs 5 and 6 plus towels). DS and SD do their own laundry. 

mamaBerg85
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:24 PM
Sd's list for when she comes back: Plenty of panties, shorts, tee shirts, pj's, her floaties for the beach and shoes she can wear in the water. (In case we ho to the beach)
This is the same list I got today and about 2 days ago. Today I ignored her 2 days ago I calmly explained that she doesn't need a floatie here since the dog popped the one she had. She dOesn't use it anymore. O told her here she sleeps I'm long t shirts and I sent she could get wet last time. She no longer has shoes here she can get wet.
Her responses was sd accidentally popped the floatie she baught for her to use at the river and she likes pjs there and the shoes are too small.
I responded with I will send u what I can afford can send but I expect it all back and I'm not going out of my way buying things for there that she doesn't need here.
She said she can't afford to buy those things but ok. I told her I'm sorry but our concern is providing for sd in our home and our other kids that's all we can afford to be concerned about. She replied fine but still keeps sending me a list of things. I've had I went through all the school supplies I bought for the kids today and I know there are things I still need to buy but I am making a copy of the list and I'm going to put it into sds bag for bms house. If she ask about it I'm going to say oops but since u have the list why not pick up athing or two then if she doesn't ask about it dh said he will text her every couple of days and say what sd still needs on the list. She won't buy shit but at least she can feel like I feel when I get the summer list.
ROBIN-C
by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 3:43 AM

The child lives with mom and she doesn't provide clothes etc for the child? Then why does the child live with her?

I do send stuff for daughter to keep at grandmas house (her dad did live with his mom til recently). But that was my choice because daughter has enough clothes for 3 kids! But I do not go shopping with sole intent of getting things to send over there. They want that they can give me money! 

They once asked me to send a swim suit to keep over there. I didn't have a surplus of suits for daughter, so nope y'all need to go buy one. 

I will never do the back and forth with clothes. Daughter has plenty over there, that I sent. She is in charge of her stuff if she wants to take anything over there but I don't expect them to keep,track of what she wants to keep there or bring back, that is on daughter. 

So yes I do supply clothes for daughter over there but on MY terms not because they demand it. They do buy undies etc as needed for her to keep there. 

bottomline
by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 8:57 AM

The boys use to bring dirty clothes to our house all the time when bm had custody. Their clothes would smell like urine and would be filthy. They would have to take showers and everything when they first arrived at our house.

Once custody changed, we let them take whatever they wanted with them to see bm. Until she started taking their clothes and wearing them herself.  When they were old enough to be responsible for their own stuff it was up to them to ensure their stuff made it home safely from bm's place (whatever boyfriend's mom's basement that was).

SMInProgress
by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 9:06 AM

Agree I've experienced there is never a reason to engage on the "back & forth clothes/toys" conversations ever.  It just feeds into the unrest.  If it's here, it used to stay here unless skid asked for it to be there.  But we don't buy seconds of anything & skid knew that if he wanted it back here, he'd have to bring it back himself.  Just ignore those unimportant, repeated texts. Sounds like she has no probelme getting under your skin & it's working.  You said stop, DH said stop, so really just stay ignoring so it will eventually stop.  She'll keep going but you can't change her, you can only change how not to address these things that are simply not important enough to even lift a finger to text her back.  Save your energy for really important texts :)  

mamaBerg85
by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 9:07 AM
Sd actually lives here but that doesn't mean I'm going tip go out of my way to buy all those extra things. Like that damn floatie I'm sorry they are $1 and she really needs more then a floatie to play in any body of water. Its not a swimming pool its a body of water. Yes I've swam in rivers, lakes, and oceans so I know for a kid that has a fear of water a dinky floatie is not going to work and I'm not going to buy a $50+ floatie for her to only be able to use at bms house. Pjs? Nope ill send down the shirts that sd wears to bed. Shoes that get wet? Yeah if you lost those then that's ur problem don't take her to the beach or go to a freaking thrift store and find a pair. There are simple and cheap solutions here and us providing everything for a kid u don't hardly see nor pay cs is not the answer.
Lol sorry It just enrages me.


Quoting ROBIN-C:

The child lives with mom and she doesn't provide clothes etc for the child? Then why does the child live with her?

I do send stuff for daughter to keep at grandmas house (her dad did live with his mom til recently). But that was my choice because daughter has enough clothes for 3 kids! But I do not go shopping with sole intent of getting things to send over there. They want that they can give me money! 

They once asked me to send a swim suit to keep over there. I didn't have a surplus of suits for daughter, so nope y'all need to go buy one. 

I will never do the back and forth with clothes. Daughter has plenty over there, that I sent. She is in charge of her stuff if she wants to take anything over there but I don't expect them to keep,track of what she wants to keep there or bring back, that is on daughter. 

So yes I do supply clothes for daughter over there but on MY terms not because they demand it. They do buy undies etc as needed for her to keep there. 


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