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Rofl help???? Please!?!?! Edit :)

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The court order does NOT allow rofr. Dh is out of town until tomorrow afternoon for work. Bm is in one of her moods, telling me she will not let me pick up ss.


She usually doesn't have an issue with it. Only when she gets in a bad mood, is mad at Dh, or has a new bf she's trying to impress.

So what am I supposed to do?

EDIT: Dh called bm. Not sure what was said, but she called me a few minutes later acting like Mary Sunshine. So I assume he mentioned contempt... That usually does the trick.
But ss is here now, and were off to the tractor pull!! He's a big tractor fan, so were making a trip to the fair ;) .
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 11:18 AM
Replies (11-20):
dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 12:16 PM
All I've done so far is send a group text to Dh and bm asking what time i will be picking up ss. She didn't answer, and we do group messages so everyone is involved with all conversations.

And Dh is two time zones away, so he's not much help! Lol


Quoting Derdriu:

Is your DH reachable by phone?  I'd have him call her and attempt to clear things up.  I don't think it's possible for a SP to enter that fray and come out with anything productive.  Just take a back seat and wait.  It may be simpler to let her pick up SS, and then your DH can go pick him up tomorrow when he gets home.  If it's your DH's period of possession unequivocally per CO and she does not have the right to interfere with his choice of care providers, then he can document the incident as contempt of the CO.  It would not be fair of him, however, to expect you to go head to head with BM on this matter.  It's not your battle to fight, nor is it one a SM can win.

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 12:22 PM
Yes. It's stated that only when it's paid childcare- ie daycare- that the other person gets first choice.

Bm agreed to this because her sm is the one who babysits for ss when she works.... So it doesn't make a whole lot of sense for step grandma to be able to keep him and me not be able to.


Quoting pdxmum:

Whatever her reasons are, unless they abusive, you do not want to do anything. Let DH handle it.



Is this addressed at all in the CO? If not, i would just assume mom trumps SM. Are you sure you want this fight?
dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 12:24 PM
Iusually some communication with her is more convenient that none. I so I don't mind...

Quoting baparrot2:

I would tell her, "sure no problem" But then again, I have never ALLOWED myself to be put in the situation where BM is talking directly to me.


dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 12:40 PM
That's my big issue. I have a whole day of activities planned out for the kids and its my grandma's birthday.

I don't have time to wait around on bm's whims today. There's a set time in the co, and she's just literally trying to be a pain in the butt.


Quoting faerie75:

 leave him there i guess. call dad and let him deal w her. be willing to get him when/if she changes her mind

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 12:41 PM
It will be a verbal assault by her if I just show up.... Dh asked me to bring the police with me. Lol

Quoting ChelseNichole:

Have you DH call her and try to talk to her about it.

However, if you CO does not allow for ROFR and it doesnt have stipulations regarding who can pick up...then I would just go get him.

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 12:44 PM
The main part is that our house is "home." And the co is written to allow as much time for the child to be home as possible. Even when dad isn't home

Quoting DDDaysh:

That would just invite a confrontation.  Since she's not the parent, she's not going to be able to force BM to hand the child over.  

At this point, the only thing to do is document it in case he wants to go for contempt at some point in time (though it's unlikely she'd get more than a slap on the wrist since BF wasn't home anyway), and let your DH get him when he gets home.  

Quoting ChelseNichole:

Have you DH call her and try to talk to her about it.

However, if you CO does not allow for ROFR and it doesnt have stipulations regarding who can pick up...then I would just go get him.


dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 12:45 PM
Oh I'm aware this is 100% their issue. But I'm the one bm feels like fighting with since mu husband on the other side of the country for another 24 hours

Quoting Derdriu:

The problem with this suggestion is that SM does not have a right to possession.  She's not listed in the CO.  She can have the CO in hand, her ID in hand, etc., and no law enforcement is going to take the kid from his mother.  If it were DH holding the same CO, he'd get support because it's his kid, and he has rights.  When a BP pulls stunts like this against the other BP, SP is a powerless figure to intervene.  And make no mistake, this isn't a BM/SM issue; it is very much a BM/BD issue. 




Quoting ChelseNichole:


However, if you CO does not allow for ROFR and it doesnt have stipulations regarding who can pick up...then I would just go get him.




 

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 12:47 PM
That's total bs that she caused a scene like that!!! :( I'm sorry your sd had to see that mess... :(

Quoting pokey-pwa:

Well, if the court order doesnt specify that DH has to be the one that picks him up, or if it says that DH can appoint any competent adult to take his palce for pick up then she cant refuse.  DH needs to be the one to handle this.  If you tell her that you will be there and DH tells her that youwill be there and you show up and she doesnt let you take SS, then you just let DH know.  There are steps you can take with the cops and stuff too if you really felt you needed to go that far.


HOWEVER, I will add this...I was dating a man before DH that had a daughter whose mother refused to let him see her whenever he started dating someone.  It was his year for Thanksgiving and his CO said he can send any competent adult.  He asked me to go with his father to pick up the child because his father wasnt able to drive at the time and BF had to work til 11pm that night.  He told BM who was coming to get his daughter and she said she wasnt handing her over to anyone.  Long story short, the cops came with us to get the child, the child cried because mom was screaming and it was a MESS.  She was fine later, but man I dont think she will ever forget that moment.


 

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Jul. 26, 2013 at 12:51 PM

Is that something you would think about doing? Going with the police? If so, I would just make sure that you have the CO handy and you're ID etc. That way there is no confusion.

Quoting dawnnamarie:

It will be a verbal assault by her if I just show up.... Dh asked me to bring the police with me. Lol

Quoting ChelseNichole:

Have you DH call her and try to talk to her about it.

However, if you CO does not allow for ROFR and it doesnt have stipulations regarding who can pick up...then I would just go get him.


DDDaysh
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 12:52 PM

It doesn't matter.  Dad is on the other side of the country so he can't go over there with CO in hand.  You're not going to be able to actually force her to give him over, so all you can do is document it.  Why even keep fighting about it today?  Who cares if the child is "home" or "with Mom" for one more day?  

Quoting dawnnamarie:

The main part is that our house is "home." And the co is written to allow as much time for the child to be home as possible. Even when dad isn't home

Quoting DDDaysh:

That would just invite a confrontation.  Since she's not the parent, she's not going to be able to force BM to hand the child over.  

At this point, the only thing to do is document it in case he wants to go for contempt at some point in time (though it's unlikely she'd get more than a slap on the wrist since BF wasn't home anyway), and let your DH get him when he gets home.  

Quoting ChelseNichole:

Have you DH call her and try to talk to her about it.

However, if you CO does not allow for ROFR and it doesnt have stipulations regarding who can pick up...then I would just go get him.



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