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Rofl help???? Please!?!?! Edit :)

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The court order does NOT allow rofr. Dh is out of town until tomorrow afternoon for work. Bm is in one of her moods, telling me she will not let me pick up ss.


She usually doesn't have an issue with it. Only when she gets in a bad mood, is mad at Dh, or has a new bf she's trying to impress.

So what am I supposed to do?

EDIT: Dh called bm. Not sure what was said, but she called me a few minutes later acting like Mary Sunshine. So I assume he mentioned contempt... That usually does the trick.
But ss is here now, and were off to the tractor pull!! He's a big tractor fan, so were making a trip to the fair ;) .
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 11:18 AM
Replies (41-50):
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 5:50 PM

BM hasn't said anything to DH about it, and SD talks about doing her art stuff. SD likes bringing things to do, otherwise she just plays on her nintendo ds or watches TV.

If your SS's BM says something, just say it's an activity bag that he takes back and forth in the car to keep him entertained or something.

 


Quoting dawnnamarie:

Does it seem to work well? Does bm get insulted that you're sending those things for sd?

I love the idea. Ss mentioned he doesn't even have crayons at moms... its not about trying to prove we're better than bm or something. The child will figure out on his own why he doesn't get the same things at both houses.


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Completely agree with this.

We've started sending SD with activities to do at BM's house (she packs clothes, hygiene stuff, and everything else she needs). So, we hit up Target, Walmart, or the dollar store and  get cheap arts and crafts kits for her. She also brings books, colors/markers and pictures, and anything else like that that SD can do on her own.


Quoting pdxmum:

Stop trying to convince him about anything at BMs. He knows if he is bored, you telling him otherwise just makes him question his reality.



This is going to an issue for years, i suggest finding a better solution now. You do not have an intact family. You will do things with your DD (simply because she does not see her BF - right?) That you wont do with SS.



Just be matter of fact and unemotional.



Boardinga plane. Bye!





Quoting dawnnamarie:

He's almost 5 and she's 3 1/2. We try to explain it... But it's almost impossible. :(





Ss doesn't get to go places while he's at bm's. he basically watches tv the whole time he's there. I'm an active person. I like taking dd to the park, zoo, museums, fairs... Whatever I can think of.


So he really does miss a lot. But he's too young to get it. We tried to tell him he got to do fun things with his mommy while he's visiting her, and he starts crying because he doesn't...






Quoting pdxmum:

How old are they both? This is just a new reality for him that he has a stepsister who gets to do things with his SM when he isnt there. That should be your focus - helping them navigate stepworld and two homes.







Dont feed the conflict by trying to force BM to hand him over. And stop texting her asking for the time when you already know she is not turning him over.







And dont ruin your DDs day because of BM.









Quoting dawnnamarie:

It's just sad. Ss cries every time he comes back from moms because dd tells him about what he missed...









Breaks my heart.










Quoting faerie75:

 well dont wait. just go about your plans and day. its too bad he will miss out, but that lays on her shoulders.






Quoting dawnnamarie:

That's my big issue. I have a whole day of activities planned out for the kids and its my grandma's birthday.

I don't have time to wait around on bm's whims today. There's a set time in the co, and she's just literally trying to be a pain in the butt.







Quoting faerie75:






 leave him there i guess. call dad and let him deal w her. be willing to get him when/if she changes her mind






 










dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 6:07 PM
Great suggestion! :) thanks!

It's just a minefield of things to figure out. And every time we think we have this under control- something else pops up!


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

BM hasn't said anything to DH about it, and SD talks about doing her art stuff. SD likes bringing things to do, otherwise she just plays on her nintendo ds or watches TV.

If your SS's BM says something, just say it's an activity bag that he takes back and forth in the car to keep him entertained or something.

 



Quoting dawnnamarie:

Does it seem to work well? Does bm get insulted that you're sending those things for sd?



I love the idea. Ss mentioned he doesn't even have crayons at moms... its not about trying to prove we're better than bm or something. The child will figure out on his own why he doesn't get the same things at both houses.




Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Completely agree with this.

We've started sending SD with activities to do at BM's house (she packs clothes, hygiene stuff, and everything else she needs). So, we hit up Target, Walmart, or the dollar store and  get cheap arts and crafts kits for her. She also brings books, colors/markers and pictures, and anything else like that that SD can do on her own.



Quoting pdxmum:

Stop trying to convince him about anything at BMs. He knows if he is bored, you telling him otherwise just makes him question his reality.





This is going to an issue for years, i suggest finding a better solution now. You do not have an intact family. You will do things with your DD (simply because she does not see her BF - right?) That you wont do with SS.





Just be matter of fact and unemotional.





Boardinga plane. Bye!








Quoting dawnnamarie:

He's almost 5 and she's 3 1/2. We try to explain it... But it's almost impossible. :(







Ss doesn't get to go places while he's at bm's. he basically watches tv the whole time he's there. I'm an active person. I like taking dd to the park, zoo, museums, fairs... Whatever I can think of.



So he really does miss a lot. But he's too young to get it. We tried to tell him he got to do fun things with his mommy while he's visiting her, and he starts crying because he doesn't...








Quoting pdxmum:

How old are they both? This is just a new reality for him that he has a stepsister who gets to do things with his SM when he isnt there. That should be your focus - helping them navigate stepworld and two homes.









Dont feed the conflict by trying to force BM to hand him over. And stop texting her asking for the time when you already know she is not turning him over.









And dont ruin your DDs day because of BM.












Quoting dawnnamarie:

It's just sad. Ss cries every time he comes back from moms because dd tells him about what he missed...











Breaks my heart.












Quoting faerie75:

 well dont wait. just go about your plans and day. its too bad he will miss out, but that lays on her shoulders.







Quoting dawnnamarie:

That's my big issue. I have a whole day of activities planned out for the kids and its my grandma's birthday.

I don't have time to wait around on bm's whims today. There's a set time in the co, and she's just literally trying to be a pain in the butt.








Quoting faerie75:







 leave him there i guess. call dad and let him deal w her. be willing to get him when/if she changes her mind







 














dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 6:07 PM
Great suggestion! :) thanks!

It's just a minefield of things to figure out. And every time we think we have this under control- something else pops up!


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

BM hasn't said anything to DH about it, and SD talks about doing her art stuff. SD likes bringing things to do, otherwise she just plays on her nintendo ds or watches TV.

If your SS's BM says something, just say it's an activity bag that he takes back and forth in the car to keep him entertained or something.

 



Quoting dawnnamarie:

Does it seem to work well? Does bm get insulted that you're sending those things for sd?



I love the idea. Ss mentioned he doesn't even have crayons at moms... its not about trying to prove we're better than bm or something. The child will figure out on his own why he doesn't get the same things at both houses.




Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Completely agree with this.

We've started sending SD with activities to do at BM's house (she packs clothes, hygiene stuff, and everything else she needs). So, we hit up Target, Walmart, or the dollar store and  get cheap arts and crafts kits for her. She also brings books, colors/markers and pictures, and anything else like that that SD can do on her own.



Quoting pdxmum:

Stop trying to convince him about anything at BMs. He knows if he is bored, you telling him otherwise just makes him question his reality.





This is going to an issue for years, i suggest finding a better solution now. You do not have an intact family. You will do things with your DD (simply because she does not see her BF - right?) That you wont do with SS.





Just be matter of fact and unemotional.





Boardinga plane. Bye!








Quoting dawnnamarie:

He's almost 5 and she's 3 1/2. We try to explain it... But it's almost impossible. :(







Ss doesn't get to go places while he's at bm's. he basically watches tv the whole time he's there. I'm an active person. I like taking dd to the park, zoo, museums, fairs... Whatever I can think of.



So he really does miss a lot. But he's too young to get it. We tried to tell him he got to do fun things with his mommy while he's visiting her, and he starts crying because he doesn't...








Quoting pdxmum:

How old are they both? This is just a new reality for him that he has a stepsister who gets to do things with his SM when he isnt there. That should be your focus - helping them navigate stepworld and two homes.









Dont feed the conflict by trying to force BM to hand him over. And stop texting her asking for the time when you already know she is not turning him over.









And dont ruin your DDs day because of BM.












Quoting dawnnamarie:

It's just sad. Ss cries every time he comes back from moms because dd tells him about what he missed...











Breaks my heart.












Quoting faerie75:

 well dont wait. just go about your plans and day. its too bad he will miss out, but that lays on her shoulders.







Quoting dawnnamarie:

That's my big issue. I have a whole day of activities planned out for the kids and its my grandma's birthday.

I don't have time to wait around on bm's whims today. There's a set time in the co, and she's just literally trying to be a pain in the butt.








Quoting faerie75:







 leave him there i guess. call dad and let him deal w her. be willing to get him when/if she changes her mind







 














Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 6:14 PM
1 mom liked this

That happens with us as well. It's ridiculously frustrating.


Quoting dawnnamarie:

Great suggestion! :) thanks!

It's just a minefield of things to figure out. And every time we think we have this under control- something else pops up!


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

BM hasn't said anything to DH about it, and SD talks about doing her art stuff. SD likes bringing things to do, otherwise she just plays on her nintendo ds or watches TV.

If your SS's BM says something, just say it's an activity bag that he takes back and forth in the car to keep him entertained or something.

 



Quoting dawnnamarie:

Does it seem to work well? Does bm get insulted that you're sending those things for sd?



I love the idea. Ss mentioned he doesn't even have crayons at moms... its not about trying to prove we're better than bm or something. The child will figure out on his own why he doesn't get the same things at both houses.




Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Completely agree with this.

We've started sending SD with activities to do at BM's house (she packs clothes, hygiene stuff, and everything else she needs). So, we hit up Target, Walmart, or the dollar store and  get cheap arts and crafts kits for her. She also brings books, colors/markers and pictures, and anything else like that that SD can do on her own.



Quoting pdxmum:

Stop trying to convince him about anything at BMs. He knows if he is bored, you telling him otherwise just makes him question his reality.





This is going to an issue for years, i suggest finding a better solution now. You do not have an intact family. You will do things with your DD (simply because she does not see her BF - right?) That you wont do with SS.





Just be matter of fact and unemotional.





Boardinga plane. Bye!








Quoting dawnnamarie:

He's almost 5 and she's 3 1/2. We try to explain it... But it's almost impossible. :(







Ss doesn't get to go places while he's at bm's. he basically watches tv the whole time he's there. I'm an active person. I like taking dd to the park, zoo, museums, fairs... Whatever I can think of.



So he really does miss a lot. But he's too young to get it. We tried to tell him he got to do fun things with his mommy while he's visiting her, and he starts crying because he doesn't...








Quoting pdxmum:

How old are they both? This is just a new reality for him that he has a stepsister who gets to do things with his SM when he isnt there. That should be your focus - helping them navigate stepworld and two homes.









Dont feed the conflict by trying to force BM to hand him over. And stop texting her asking for the time when you already know she is not turning him over.









And dont ruin your DDs day because of BM.












Quoting dawnnamarie:

It's just sad. Ss cries every time he comes back from moms because dd tells him about what he missed...











Breaks my heart.












Quoting faerie75:

 well dont wait. just go about your plans and day. its too bad he will miss out, but that lays on her shoulders.







Quoting dawnnamarie:

That's my big issue. I have a whole day of activities planned out for the kids and its my grandma's birthday.

I don't have time to wait around on bm's whims today. There's a set time in the co, and she's just literally trying to be a pain in the butt.








Quoting faerie75:







 leave him there i guess. call dad and let him deal w her. be willing to get him when/if she changes her mind







 
















dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 6:33 PM
And, at least here, it's always when you're least expecting issues ! ;)

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

That happens with us as well. It's ridiculously frustrating.



Quoting dawnnamarie:

Great suggestion! :) thanks!



It's just a minefield of things to figure out. And every time we think we have this under control- something else pops up!




Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

BM hasn't said anything to DH about it, and SD talks about doing her art stuff. SD likes bringing things to do, otherwise she just plays on her nintendo ds or watches TV.

If your SS's BM says something, just say it's an activity bag that he takes back and forth in the car to keep him entertained or something.

 




Quoting dawnnamarie:

Does it seem to work well? Does bm get insulted that you're sending those things for sd?





I love the idea. Ss mentioned he doesn't even have crayons at moms... its not about trying to prove we're better than bm or something. The child will figure out on his own why he doesn't get the same things at both houses.






Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Completely agree with this.

We've started sending SD with activities to do at BM's house (she packs clothes, hygiene stuff, and everything else she needs). So, we hit up Target, Walmart, or the dollar store and  get cheap arts and crafts kits for her. She also brings books, colors/markers and pictures, and anything else like that that SD can do on her own.




Quoting pdxmum:

Stop trying to convince him about anything at BMs. He knows if he is bored, you telling him otherwise just makes him question his reality.







This is going to an issue for years, i suggest finding a better solution now. You do not have an intact family. You will do things with your DD (simply because she does not see her BF - right?) That you wont do with SS.







Just be matter of fact and unemotional.







Boardinga plane. Bye!











Quoting dawnnamarie:

He's almost 5 and she's 3 1/2. We try to explain it... But it's almost impossible. :(









Ss doesn't get to go places while he's at bm's. he basically watches tv the whole time he's there. I'm an active person. I like taking dd to the park, zoo, museums, fairs... Whatever I can think of.




So he really does miss a lot. But he's too young to get it. We tried to tell him he got to do fun things with his mommy while he's visiting her, and he starts crying because he doesn't...










Quoting pdxmum:

How old are they both? This is just a new reality for him that he has a stepsister who gets to do things with his SM when he isnt there. That should be your focus - helping them navigate stepworld and two homes.











Dont feed the conflict by trying to force BM to hand him over. And stop texting her asking for the time when you already know she is not turning him over.











And dont ruin your DDs day because of BM.















Quoting dawnnamarie:

It's just sad. Ss cries every time he comes back from moms because dd tells him about what he missed...













Breaks my heart.














Quoting faerie75:

 well dont wait. just go about your plans and day. its too bad he will miss out, but that lays on her shoulders.








Quoting dawnnamarie:

That's my big issue. I have a whole day of activities planned out for the kids and its my grandma's birthday.

I don't have time to wait around on bm's whims today. There's a set time in the co, and she's just literally trying to be a pain in the butt.









Quoting faerie75:








 leave him there i guess. call dad and let him deal w her. be willing to get him when/if she changes her mind








 





















Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 7:36 PM

LMFAO, right?

Things are going well, and then BAM all of a sudden BM goes freaking INSANE! 


Quoting dawnnamarie:

And, at least here, it's always when you're least expecting issues ! ;)

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

That happens with us as well. It's ridiculously frustrating.



Quoting dawnnamarie:

Great suggestion! :) thanks!



It's just a minefield of things to figure out. And every time we think we have this under control- something else pops up!




Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

BM hasn't said anything to DH about it, and SD talks about doing her art stuff. SD likes bringing things to do, otherwise she just plays on her nintendo ds or watches TV.

If your SS's BM says something, just say it's an activity bag that he takes back and forth in the car to keep him entertained or something.

 




Quoting dawnnamarie:

Does it seem to work well? Does bm get insulted that you're sending those things for sd?





I love the idea. Ss mentioned he doesn't even have crayons at moms... its not about trying to prove we're better than bm or something. The child will figure out on his own why he doesn't get the same things at both houses.






Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Completely agree with this.

We've started sending SD with activities to do at BM's house (she packs clothes, hygiene stuff, and everything else she needs). So, we hit up Target, Walmart, or the dollar store and  get cheap arts and crafts kits for her. She also brings books, colors/markers and pictures, and anything else like that that SD can do on her own.




Quoting pdxmum:

Stop trying to convince him about anything at BMs. He knows if he is bored, you telling him otherwise just makes him question his reality.







This is going to an issue for years, i suggest finding a better solution now. You do not have an intact family. You will do things with your DD (simply because she does not see her BF - right?) That you wont do with SS.







Just be matter of fact and unemotional.







Boardinga plane. Bye!











Quoting dawnnamarie:

He's almost 5 and she's 3 1/2. We try to explain it... But it's almost impossible. :(









Ss doesn't get to go places while he's at bm's. he basically watches tv the whole time he's there. I'm an active person. I like taking dd to the park, zoo, museums, fairs... Whatever I can think of.




So he really does miss a lot. But he's too young to get it. We tried to tell him he got to do fun things with his mommy while he's visiting her, and he starts crying because he doesn't...










Quoting pdxmum:

How old are they both? This is just a new reality for him that he has a stepsister who gets to do things with his SM when he isnt there. That should be your focus - helping them navigate stepworld and two homes.











Dont feed the conflict by trying to force BM to hand him over. And stop texting her asking for the time when you already know she is not turning him over.











And dont ruin your DDs day because of BM.















Quoting dawnnamarie:

It's just sad. Ss cries every time he comes back from moms because dd tells him about what he missed...













Breaks my heart.














Quoting faerie75:

 well dont wait. just go about your plans and day. its too bad he will miss out, but that lays on her shoulders.








Quoting dawnnamarie:

That's my big issue. I have a whole day of activities planned out for the kids and its my grandma's birthday.

I don't have time to wait around on bm's whims today. There's a set time in the co, and she's just literally trying to be a pain in the butt.









Quoting faerie75:








 leave him there i guess. call dad and let him deal w her. be willing to get him when/if she changes her mind








 























packermomof2
by on Jul. 27, 2013 at 1:03 AM

Why is being with you more important than him being with his mom?  I find these sorts of things sad ... for the parent and the kid. 

I dealt with my share of the crazy with my ex, no doubt.  But my husband would have never called me up and demanded (or even asked) that I call my ex and threaten him with contempt for not giving my husband the children.  Never.  Even when we didn't have ROFR in the order.  It just seems logical to allow the parent to keep their kid if they want to instead of expecting them to hand the kid over to the SP, even if the SP is married to the CP.

Now, I have threatened my ex with contempt and it gets him doing what needs to be done, but that is me doing it when he is breaking the order on his end over something that like not bringing the kids to me, the parent, instead of a SM.  There is a big difference.

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 3:01 AM
I never asked Dh to threaten bm. I just wanted to know if I was picking him up or not, so I told him to figure it out and let me know.

He was upset because he called bm before he went out of town and arranged everything with her. There was zero problem, until she got mad that evening because ss had to clean his room. Seriously. I can't even make something that stupid up.
Then she said I could get him Friday "at her convenience." She also never attempted to come pick him up from me on Tuesday morning when Dh left. She had no issues with him staying another 36 hours with me.
We werent upset over the idea of ss staying an extra day with his mom. We were upset that she was pissed off over something petty and trying to use time with ss as a pawn in whatever game she was trying to play.

If she EVER just legitimately asked for an extra day with ss because she wanted to see him, Dh would work with her.


Quoting packermomof2:

Why is being with you more important than him being with his mom?  I find these sorts of things sad ... for the parent and the kid. 


I dealt with my share of the crazy with my ex, no doubt.  But my husband would have never called me up and demanded (or even asked) that I call my ex and threaten him with contempt for not giving my husband the children.  Never.  Even when we didn't have ROFR in the order.  It just seems logical to allow the parent to keep their kid if they want to instead of expecting them to hand the kid over to the SP, even if the SP is married to the CP.


Now, I have threatened my ex with contempt and it gets him doing what needs to be done, but that is me doing it when he is breaking the order on his end over something that like not bringing the kids to me, the parent, instead of a SM.  There is a big difference.

Amy1973Potts
by on Jul. 27, 2013 at 4:59 AM
I'd stay far away from that. Not in a million years would I get the kids from BM. I won't even go to the door when she drops them off at 6:45 in the morning. Nooooop!
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Jaghd810
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 9:58 PM

I think it has to be written in your court order specifically.  If dad is not there to pick up child then  child does not go.  

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