Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

The effect of stepparents on stepchildren

Posted by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 6:48 PM
  • 42 Replies

 

Poll

Question: What effect to you think stepparents have on their stepchildren, in general?

Options:

Net Positive

Net Negative

No effect


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 40

View Results

On another board I am on, there was a huge debate on the effect of stepparents, the concensus seemed to be they definitely were not neutral but the raging debate was between the net negative and the net positive viewpoints.

What is viewpoint? SMs: Are you a net negative, positive or neutral?

BMs: Do you think your kid(s)' SM was (is) a net negative, positive or neutral? How about your spouse if you are remarried?

A point for the net negative viewpoint was that the stepparent represented a reduction in the available resources for the stepchildren, these resources included time, physical presence and finances.

A poitn for the net positive was a stepparent added the parent's (their spouse) resources which by extension is a positive to the stepchild.

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 6:48 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Jul. 26, 2013 at 6:51 PM

I voted "No Effect" to reflect my reality as it stands today.  My ex's wife has not had contact with our children in years and frankly, based upon issues my ex faces, it is highly unlikely that she will have much contact or influence.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 6:52 PM
1 mom liked this

 it depends entirely on the situation. some are positive, some are negative.

i would like to think im positive. i treat them well, they generally have a good attitude in my home, i never say a word about their mom and they get along well w my kids for the most part.

in the case of my own kids i vote no effect. they liked their SM ok but she was not hands on, dad and she lived far away and they are now divorced. no mutual kids.

 
        
         

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 6:56 PM

I think this is a impossible question to answer because it is based on the situations. DH's SM had a great effect on him she is a wonderful person. My BIL ex-wife was a horrible SM to my nieces she had a negative effect.

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 6:57 PM
1 mom liked this

There is an effect, but it varies by situation.  I have seen both positive and negative step parents.  Just like there are parents that have negative or positive effects on their kids.

Mrs_Nelson
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 7:03 PM
My dh is great for my kids he does all the dad stuff with them that ex can't be bothered with and when ex has a ft it teaches them how to be nice to new people and since they are easy going and so am I we have a relaxed attitude when it comes to these things.
Tx_stepmom
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 7:10 PM

There is no right or wrong answer to this question.  Each situation is different.  I'm an SM and in my case, I know that it is Net Positive.  No matter how much BM & I dislike each other, she has told SS that he better be lucky that I am in his life.  In code that meant, "Be lucky you have SM in your life that is willing to raise you since I don't want to."  

elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 7:10 PM

I think it varies by situation. As SD's SM, I hope I am a positive. DH believes SF with his untreated PTSD is a negative due to his actions.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 7:11 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm unsure how to vote (so I haven't yet).  By SM being in my childrens lives, from a net worth standpoint (financial only), she's positive and negative.  Positive because she holds the family finances and BF is not able to keep money in his pocket, never stuck to a budget and still doesn't see 'why' one is needed enough to stick to one on his own.  This means that CS is paid on time each month.  Negative because she olds the family finances and she holds his money as well as hers.  I don't expect nor want her contributions towards CS or any extras but it'd be nice/easier if he had some flexiblility in how to spend his money on his children for extras over the little CS he pays. 

If you mean in other aspects of a childs life, more than financial, I'm not sure there's one answer to fit all situations.  SM in my boys lives is a positive and a negative.  She positively has shown them both what to AVOID in a future partner... ;)  This doesn't mean 'all' SMs would show this but this particular one has.  I think a SM can truly be a positive influence in the childs life, but can just as easily be a negative one.  (that said, so can bios... this isn't exclusive to being a step) 

FindersKeepers
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 7:32 PM
1 mom liked this

I did not vote since it depends entirely on the people and the relationship.

My SM was not perfect but she had a huge positive impact on me since my BM was not present.

My SKs have a great mom so my impact is probably less, though I hope positive.   I am one more cheerleader in their camp.   Since my relationship with them is different than with their parents, they share more with me about their teen lives and take my advice more.  I make good money, so their financial and other opportunities have increased with me.   We do a lot of family activities, but the kids also get more 1-1 time with their dad bc I exist so that he can take one out to do something special sometimes.  They also get to come over MORE since there are two adults in the house to manage logistics.   The kids step dad is also a wonderful man and I believe the kids have benefited greatly by having him in their lives.  Both because of his relationship with them and because he helps keep sanity in the household.

I have seen some really awful step-parents too.   So it just depends on the people.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 7:34 PM

Do you think the majority of stepparents are a net positive or a net negative?

Quoting faerie75:

 it depends entirely on the situation. some are positive, some are negative.

i would like to think im positive. i treat them well, they generally have a good attitude in my home, i never say a word about their mom and they get along well w my kids for the most part.

in the case of my own kids i vote no effect. they liked their SM ok but she was not hands on, dad and she lived far away and they are now divorced. no mutual kids.


Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN