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My husband (two week anniversary today!) and I have 3 kids, two mine and the youngest his (Casey is 11). Casey's mom cheated and split to Vegas 3 days before his 7th birthday and she has had minimal visitation since. Coincidentally (NOT) she now wants to be the school parent (court papers served to us on Valentine's Day). My husband has decided to let Casey live with his mom during the school year for a while, but we have very liberal visitation (can you say, Southwest Rapid Rewards?!?!?!?).

My husband is a construction foreman and works long hours, so before we met Casey spent lots of time with the babysitter and X-box. I have a 12 hour a day management position, am in school finishing my bachelors and have a 13 and 15 year old of my own so when we started living together, there was a lot more structure than Casey was used to and boy did he fight it. He knows his mom and dad don't have a good relationship so he plays both sides, but runs to his mother with half stories (lies actually) that generally involve me.  I should actually have tire marks from the wheels of the bus running down the front of me at this point.

Casey will always look at his mother like the fairy princess, I get that, but at this point I am tired of being hurt to the point that I really don't even want to be alone in my houe with him. My husband supports having Casey stay at the sitters until he gets home on days when my kids are with us, but I am sick to my stomach over all of this. Another part of the problem is that my husband and his ex are having a hard time admitting that there are emotional issus related to his mother abandoning him along with ADHD that she refuses to have treated. What do I do with this kid and how do I protect my marriage and save my sanity?

Signed,

Demon Wife (Casey's nickname for me)

 

by on Jul. 27, 2013 at 9:21 AM
Replies (11-20):
IkesWife
by on Jul. 27, 2013 at 10:56 PM

having my step son three houses down the street while I am home is not the best case scenario. it may be all I can do to protect my sanity at this point, but it's just plain odd, right? not exactly sure why this is so hard for folks to see.

thanks for your thoughtful response.

ihave1
by Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 12:31 AM

You all should get that boy into some therapy!!  ASAP!

iSMILEheCRIES
by Bronze Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 2:37 PM
Its kinda hard to tell who you are "answering". If you want to respond to a certain response if you "quote" the person at bottom of where they typed it will make it easier to follow. It was hard to for me to catch on at first too
GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 3:34 PM
It's not odd. You can't handle him and shouldn't have to and his dad is capable of paying someone to handle him. What's the prob Chica? This is what more men need to do.

Quoting IkesWife:

having my step son three houses down the street while I am home is not the best case scenario. it may be all I can do to protect my sanity at this point, but it's just plain odd, right? not exactly sure why this is so hard for folks to see.


thanks for your thoughtful response.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 3:54 PM
I don't see it as odd either. I think it makes perfect sense under the circumstances.
Quoting GlockMom:

It's not odd. You can't handle him and shouldn't have to and his dad is capable of paying someone to handle him. What's the prob Chica? This is what more men need to do.

Quoting IkesWife:

having my step son three houses down the street while I am home is not the best case scenario. it may be all I can do to protect my sanity at this point, but it's just plain odd, right? not exactly sure why this is so hard for folks to see.


thanks for your thoughtful response.


DDDaysh
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 3:45 PM

 Why is it odd considering how you feel about the child and his issues? 

Are you embarassed that you don't want to be a babysitter? 

Quoting IkesWife:

having my step son three houses down the street while I am home is not the best case scenario. it may be all I can do to protect my sanity at this point, but it's just plain odd, right? not exactly sure why this is so hard for folks to see.

thanks for your thoughtful response.

 

wyomom4
by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 4:14 PM

 Just a slightly different take here, but I think that at his age, and with mom just coming back into the picture, he might be trying to get his parents back together. That's a pretty common thing for kids to do, even when 1 parent has been out of the picture for so long. Also, he could be telling mom how evil you are because he is feeling those abandonment issues, and wants to "prove" that he loves her more so she won't up and leave him again. Taken in that context, his behavior actually makes sense.

I know it feels awkward to have him at the sitter's when your dh is not home, but for now it might be the best for everyone. I would suggest that you and your dh try to reintegrate your ss as soon as possible, but I would do it with the help of a therapist. Those abandonment issues can be REALLY hard to work through.

It's ok to feel overwhelmed, just hang in there.

IkesWife
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 8:33 AM

That's a great perspective - thank you for your suggestions and kind response.  


Quoting wyomom4:

 Just a slightly different take here, but I think that at his age, and with mom just coming back into the picture, he might be trying to get his parents back together. That's a pretty common thing for kids to do, even when 1 parent has been out of the picture for so long. Also, he could be telling mom how evil you are because he is feeling those abandonment issues, and wants to "prove" that he loves her more so she won't up and leave him again. Taken in that context, his behavior actually makes sense.

I know it feels awkward to have him at the sitter's when your dh is not home, but for now it might be the best for everyone. I would suggest that you and your dh try to reintegrate your ss as soon as possible, but I would do it with the help of a therapist. Those abandonment issues can be REALLY hard to work through.

It's ok to feel overwhelmed, just hang in there.


 

IkesWife
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 8:35 AM

No, I'm not embarrassed at all. I just love the kid and want us to be together as a family, that's all. I spent two years taking care of him before we got married and I wouldn't really call it babysitting because he is family. I was just never one of those mom's who was at home while the kids were at the sitters. I always had them with me, right where they belong:-) 


Quoting DDDaysh:

 Why is it odd considering how you feel about the child and his issues? 

Are you embarassed that you don't want to be a babysitter? 

Quoting IkesWife:

having my step son three houses down the street while I am home is not the best case scenario. it may be all I can do to protect my sanity at this point, but it's just plain odd, right? not exactly sure why this is so hard for folks to see.

thanks for your thoughtful response.

 


 

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 8:39 AM

Ok this is in direct opposition to your original post:

 "I am tired of being hurt to the point that I really don't even want to be alone in my houe with him. My husband supports having Casey stay at the sitters until he gets home on days when my kids are with us"

You said you DON'T want to watch him. Now you say you do want to.

I am totally confused. What is  your actual issue??


Quoting IkesWife:

No, I'm not embarrassed at all. I just love the kid and want us to be together as a family, that's all. I spent two years taking care of him before we got married and I wouldn't really call it babysitting because he is family. I was just never one of those mom's who was at home while the kids were at the sitters. I always had them with me, right where they belong:-) 


Quoting DDDaysh:

 Why is it odd considering how you feel about the child and his issues? 

Are you embarassed that you don't want to be a babysitter? 

Quoting IkesWife:

having my step son three houses down the street while I am home is not the best case scenario. it may be all I can do to protect my sanity at this point, but it's just plain odd, right? not exactly sure why this is so hard for folks to see.

thanks for your thoughtful response.

 





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