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Missing SD like crazy/1st day of school question

Posted by on Jul. 27, 2013 at 1:37 PM
  • 8 Replies

We all are. We have never gone this long without seeing her. (Unless you count the 6 months before DH had a court order at all and wasn't allowed to see her) 

It will have been 5 weeks by the time we pick her up. I know she's having a great time at BM's. BM sent me a picture yesterday..she looks so much older than she did 4 weeks ago. Beautiful though. :)

Even our 2 year old DD asks about SD and most nights she sleeps with one of SD's stuffed animals instead of her own. Without SD here she is an only child and I don't think she likes it. SD coming home is going to be kind of hectic though. We're moving into a new apartment on the 1st and picking her up on the 4th.

Now to the school question. I know it's still a month before school starts but this question has been on my mind.

SD will be going to PM Pre-K. DH and I both work during the day. Occasionally, DH will work 1-8pm but that has gotten less and less frequent. SD's Pre-K class starts at 11:30 am so I will drop both girls off at daycare on my way to work every morning at lunch, my MIL (whose office is right up the road from the daycare) will pick SD up and take her to school.

My DH has requested off for the 1st day of school so that he can be the one to take her. But it's not guaranteed he'll get it. My MIL is going to go too..regardless of who else goes. That's just how she is. In the event that DH can't get off work..should I try and get off work? I don't really want to be the one that takes her. It just doesn't feel like my place. But if DH can't go it seems odd for MIL to just take her like she will every other day.

I should also note that SD has technically already had a very 1st day of school because she went to 3 year old Pre-K at head start last year. She only went for 2 months because BM moved back to her mom's after that..but she was there on the first day. I think DH, BM and MIL went. I remember staying home and watching DD and BM's son. 

BM is more than welcome to come on the first day but I doubt she'll be able to. She lives almost 3 hours away..she'd need someone to drive her and she'll be right on the verge of having her baby..if she hasn't just given birth at that point.

Oh and DH's aunt said that they have a meet the teacher night a few days before school starts so she can see her classroom and meet her teacher. We are going to that.Thoughts?

by on Jul. 27, 2013 at 1:37 PM
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Replies (1-8):
amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 2:17 PM

BUMP!


Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 4:36 PM

Personally, I wouldn't go on the first day.  That base is covered by MIL who will be the one taking her to school everyday anyway.  (your DH is really blessed to have that option btw!)

As for the "meet and greet" ahead of time, I think it makes sense for you all to go. Including MIL.  I would try to figure out when that will be and make sure that BM is aware so she can attend if possible.

amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 5:30 PM
Thanks. I really don't want to go. I just don't want to step on any toes, ya know? I am sooo thankful for my MIL to be able to take her because I don't know how we would get her to school otherwise. Next year it won't be a problem because she'll be in kindergarten and I can just drop her off at the school (which is close to the daycare also) and pick her up when I get off work. (I work 7am-3pm) The school has earlybird care where you can drop them off as early as 6:30. Thank goodness SD is an early riser anyway!! She usually beats my alarm to waking me up for work. She is up and alert bright and early. Anyway..yes of course we plan on letting BM know as soon as we find out when it is. I'm calling on Monday to find out when it is. Although I'm about 99% certain that BM won't be able to come because if she gets induced when they're planning to induce her she'll have JUST had her baby less than a week before the school's meet the teacher night. We do still want her to know about everything that goes on school or SD related.
Quoting Birdseed:

Personally, I wouldn't go on the first day.  That base is covered by MIL who will be the one taking her to school everyday anyway.  (your DH is really blessed to have that option btw!)

As for the "meet and greet" ahead of time, I think it makes sense for you all to go. Including MIL.  I would try to figure out when that will be and make sure that BM is aware so she can attend if possible.


momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 11:39 PM
I forgot that she was pregnant. Is she back with the babies father?

This may not be a popular answer but I know your situation and that is why my answer is what it is. This would not be my answer for every situation.

Since SD lives with you and DH and mom lives 3 hours away, yes I think you should go in the event that DH cannot go. My son is starting school this year and both dh and I are taking him and I am picking him up that day. We will walk in at drop off and pick up. I might do it for the first week but it won't be this way for the entire year just the first week. It will be hard for me not to walk him in every day because I have been walking him in to daycare every day for 5 years and getting him settled. It's the first day and I want to take him plus I don't know that he will know where to go. The first week of walking him to class will be me teaching him how to walk from the drop off line to his classroom. He will be attending a school of 600 students. So... Getting lost has high odds. I also want the teachers to know who we are. I want them to see us and recognize our faces the first week. Since you live with SD and you are her primary caregiver, I believe you should go the first day. If her mom was going, I might say no let mom go but she isn't and she won't be involved in school like you will.
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amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 12:02 AM

She's due September 3rd. And no..she's not. That's likely not going to happen. There's still a restraining order between them. 

SD is going to a small charter school. All of the office ladies and the enrollment lady already know me as "H's SM" lol. We had a hard time getting her in and I was very active in making sure they had every document they needed to enroll her. (This school has a lottery every year..it's a good one.)

The reason I don't want to go is becuase BM is very upset over the possibility that I might try and step in and be SD's mom. I just feel that since everything is so fresh I need to try ultra hard to convey that I am absolutely not trying to do that. That's all.

I'm sure DH and my MIL will make sure she knows where to go..and I'll be picking her up every afternoon. Plus going to meet the teacher. :)

Quoting momof2ex1:

I forgot that she was pregnant. Is she back with the babies father?

This may not be a popular answer but I know your situation and that is why my answer is what it is. This would not be my answer for every situation.

Since SD lives with you and DH and mom lives 3 hours away, yes I think you should go in the event that DH cannot go. My son is starting school this year and both dh and I are taking him and I am picking him up that day. We will walk in at drop off and pick up. I might do it for the first week but it won't be this way for the entire year just the first week. It will be hard for me not to walk him in every day because I have been walking him in to daycare every day for 5 years and getting him settled. It's the first day and I want to take him plus I don't know that he will know where to go. The first week of walking him to class will be me teaching him how to walk from the drop off line to his classroom. He will be attending a school of 600 students. So... Getting lost has high odds. I also want the teachers to know who we are. I want them to see us and recognize our faces the first week. Since you live with SD and you are her primary caregiver, I believe you should go the first day. If her mom was going, I might say no let mom go but she isn't and she won't be involved in school like you will.



momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 12:44 AM
Oh you know I missed the part where you didn't really want to go. So if you don't want to then don't. I don't think it's a big deal but if you felt you needed to be there because there is no 'parent' there then sure go. I appreciate and acknowledge how hard you are trying to keep the peace and to show you aren't stepping on toes.


Quoting amanda_mom89:

She's due September 3rd. And no..she's not. That's likely not going to happen. There's still a restraining order between them. 

SD is going to a small charter school. All of the office ladies and the enrollment lady already know me as "H's SM" lol. We had a hard time getting her in and I was very active in making sure they had every document they needed to enroll her. (This school has a lottery every year..it's a good one.)

The reason I don't want to go is becuase BM is very upset over the possibility that I might try and step in and be SD's mom. I just feel that since everything is so fresh I need to try ultra hard to convey that I am absolutely not trying to do that. That's all.

I'm sure DH and my MIL will make sure she knows where to go..and I'll be picking her up every afternoon. Plus going to meet the teacher. :)


Quoting momof2ex1:

I forgot that she was pregnant. Is she back with the babies father?



This may not be a popular answer but I know your situation and that is why my answer is what it is. This would not be my answer for every situation.



Since SD lives with you and DH and mom lives 3 hours away, yes I think you should go in the event that DH cannot go. My son is starting school this year and both dh and I are taking him and I am picking him up that day. We will walk in at drop off and pick up. I might do it for the first week but it won't be this way for the entire year just the first week. It will be hard for me not to walk him in every day because I have been walking him in to daycare every day for 5 years and getting him settled. It's the first day and I want to take him plus I don't know that he will know where to go. The first week of walking him to class will be me teaching him how to walk from the drop off line to his classroom. He will be attending a school of 600 students. So... Getting lost has high odds. I also want the teachers to know who we are. I want them to see us and recognize our faces the first week. Since you live with SD and you are her primary caregiver, I believe you should go the first day. If her mom was going, I might say no let mom go but she isn't and she won't be involved in school like you will.





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amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 12:51 AM
Thank you :) it's not that I wouldn't enjoy being there with SD. I just worry about the resulting effect of my presence. I'll have my own moment with DD in 2 years. :)


Quoting momof2ex1:

Oh you know I missed the part where you didn't really want to go. So if you don't want to then don't. I don't think it's a big deal but if you felt you needed to be there because there is no 'parent' there then sure go. I appreciate and acknowledge how hard you are trying to keep the peace and to show you aren't stepping on toes.




Quoting amanda_mom89:

She's due September 3rd. And no..she's not. That's likely not going to happen. There's still a restraining order between them. 

SD is going to a small charter school. All of the office ladies and the enrollment lady already know me as "H's SM" lol. We had a hard time getting her in and I was very active in making sure they had every document they needed to enroll her. (This school has a lottery every year..it's a good one.)

The reason I don't want to go is becuase BM is very upset over the possibility that I might try and step in and be SD's mom. I just feel that since everything is so fresh I need to try ultra hard to convey that I am absolutely not trying to do that. That's all.

I'm sure DH and my MIL will make sure she knows where to go..and I'll be picking her up every afternoon. Plus going to meet the teacher. :)



Quoting momof2ex1:

I forgot that she was pregnant. Is she back with the babies father?





This may not be a popular answer but I know your situation and that is why my answer is what it is. This would not be my answer for every situation.





Since SD lives with you and DH and mom lives 3 hours away, yes I think you should go in the event that DH cannot go. My son is starting school this year and both dh and I are taking him and I am picking him up that day. We will walk in at drop off and pick up. I might do it for the first week but it won't be this way for the entire year just the first week. It will be hard for me not to walk him in every day because I have been walking him in to daycare every day for 5 years and getting him settled. It's the first day and I want to take him plus I don't know that he will know where to go. The first week of walking him to class will be me teaching him how to walk from the drop off line to his classroom. He will be attending a school of 600 students. So... Getting lost has high odds. I also want the teachers to know who we are. I want them to see us and recognize our faces the first week. Since you live with SD and you are her primary caregiver, I believe you should go the first day. If her mom was going, I might say no let mom go but she isn't and she won't be involved in school like you will.







Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 1:27 AM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like you guys have a good system with you MIL and everything. I wouldn't worry too much about the first day of school. Maybe have MIL snap a picture or two for DH and BM :)


Quoting amanda_mom89:

Thank you :) it's not that I wouldn't enjoy being there with SD. I just worry about the resulting effect of my presence. I'll have my own moment with DD in 2 years. :)


Quoting momof2ex1:

Oh you know I missed the part where you didn't really want to go. So if you don't want to then don't. I don't think it's a big deal but if you felt you needed to be there because there is no 'parent' there then sure go. I appreciate and acknowledge how hard you are trying to keep the peace and to show you aren't stepping on toes.




Quoting amanda_mom89:

She's due September 3rd. And no..she's not. That's likely not going to happen. There's still a restraining order between them. 

SD is going to a small charter school. All of the office ladies and the enrollment lady already know me as "H's SM" lol. We had a hard time getting her in and I was very active in making sure they had every document they needed to enroll her. (This school has a lottery every year..it's a good one.)

The reason I don't want to go is becuase BM is very upset over the possibility that I might try and step in and be SD's mom. I just feel that since everything is so fresh I need to try ultra hard to convey that I am absolutely not trying to do that. That's all.

I'm sure DH and my MIL will make sure she knows where to go..and I'll be picking her up every afternoon. Plus going to meet the teacher. :)



Quoting momof2ex1:

I forgot that she was pregnant. Is she back with the babies father?





This may not be a popular answer but I know your situation and that is why my answer is what it is. This would not be my answer for every situation.





Since SD lives with you and DH and mom lives 3 hours away, yes I think you should go in the event that DH cannot go. My son is starting school this year and both dh and I are taking him and I am picking him up that day. We will walk in at drop off and pick up. I might do it for the first week but it won't be this way for the entire year just the first week. It will be hard for me not to walk him in every day because I have been walking him in to daycare every day for 5 years and getting him settled. It's the first day and I want to take him plus I don't know that he will know where to go. The first week of walking him to class will be me teaching him how to walk from the drop off line to his classroom. He will be attending a school of 600 students. So... Getting lost has high odds. I also want the teachers to know who we are. I want them to see us and recognize our faces the first week. Since you live with SD and you are her primary caregiver, I believe you should go the first day. If her mom was going, I might say no let mom go but she isn't and she won't be involved in school like you will.









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