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I know I am going to get a lot of s**t for this post.  But I want to ask a question and don't expect completely truthful responses to it.  But here it goes.  When I had my first child, I didn't really want to have him. I wanted an abortion. But people who were in my close circle convinced me to have my child.  They said once my child is here I will never regret my choice.  And to be quite honest I don't. I love my son and I would kill anyone who threatens him.  However, I don't think I made my choice based on these other peoples opinions.  I think I made my choice because deep down inside it is what I truly wanted even though  the repercussions suck. That is not even a true statement.  Some of the repercussion suck.  That being said, I still feel I was forced into having a child I really did not want.  

This will never happen again.  My question to all of you is without having some super mom judgments shoved down your throat, would you have given birth when you did?  Have you ever had a chance to say I wish I did not do what I did?  And since this is an  Internet name no one will ever know it was you.  Someone said to me once my child is born I will never regret the things I could not do from now on.  But to be quite honest there are some things I wish I could do and I can't now because I am a parent. I am not saying I regret my choice, but I still have some dreams that will never come true.  Here is your invitation to anonymous say a dream that will never come true.  

by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 1:24 AM
Replies (21-30):
elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 5:38 PM

Wished NO kids? No, never. I wished for along time that I had kept my oldest DD, whom I put up for adoption. But then I think about the life I chose to live after she was born, and am glad NOW that she is with people that loved her ALL the time, not just part of the time as I feel I would've.

I had a D&C thru my Dr at 15 wks with my 3rd baby, he had no brain in his head, and his spine was fused on the outside. He would've been born dead, or died shortly after birth. My family was very angry, what I did was wrong in their eyes. 

Though none of my kids were planned, they weren't not wanted.

Graceplustwo
by Bronze Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 5:48 PM
1 mom liked this
No . I feel like i had my dd at the perfect time with the perfect man for me. I'm very happy with my decision to be a mom and I would not change a single thing. I had a very ruff pregnancy and emergency c section and horrid preclampsia but I still wouldn't change a thing . Dd is perfect and healthy and I'm very happy and that's all that matters
Derdriu
by Gold Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 5:58 PM

The question is a catch-22.  I can't personally answer it because I'm just now expecting my first after several years of trying.  My DH has made statements of regret regarding when and how SD was conceived and with whom, but he doesn't regret SD for a second.  That's the catch.  If you could go back and change things, you wouldn't have the child you so cherish now. 

So what all do you feel you can't do as a parent?  What are these dreams you've tossed out on account of parenthood?

lnr187
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 6:40 PM
1 mom liked this

 do you have a notebook next to your computer with everyone's sn and their individual situations and notes from their previous posts?! lol memory like a steel trap, woman!

Quoting pdxmum:

But you have two kids and you are currently pregnant by accident by the father of your second child who you are married to but he doesn't pay CS on your SS and is $11,000 in arrears...

You say you didn't know about his deadbeat tendencies when you first got pregnant but you did know with this pregnancy.  So why are you having another baby?  All this soul searching about lost dreams and it never happening again...

 

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 6:53 PM
1 mom liked this

God no!  Names stick with me.  And nothing specific, just a vague memory.  So I search the group to read old posts. 

I also read old posts when I am trying to help someone.


Quoting lnr187:

 do you have a notebook next to your computer with everyone's sn and their individual situations and notes from their previous posts?! lol memory like a steel trap, woman!

Quoting pdxmum:

But you have two kids and you are currently pregnant by accident by the father of your second child who you are married to but he doesn't pay CS on your SS and is $11,000 in arrears...

You say you didn't know about his deadbeat tendencies when you first got pregnant but you did know with this pregnancy.  So why are you having another baby?  All this soul searching about lost dreams and it never happening again...

 



spicy0425
by Silver Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 7:00 PM

I can tell you this, when BM gave birth to YSD, BM said she made the 2 biggest mistakes in her life i.e. having 2 daughters. She left town and did all she could to avoid caring for her kids. Now, she is in her 40s, she realizes having 2 daughters were the best things she ever did.  When you're not dead yet, you never know what life will bring to you. Maybe when you are in the sick bed, yuor son and his wife will be the one who takes care of you. Who knows?

lnr187
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 7:19 PM

 i didn't know you could do that. well it would certainly help, like you said, when helping others. not every post has the whole story.

Quoting pdxmum:

God no!  Names stick with me.  And nothing specific, just a vague memory.  So I search the group to read old posts. 

I also read old posts when I am trying to help someone.

 

Quoting lnr187:

 do you have a notebook next to your computer with everyone's sn and their individual situations and notes from their previous posts?! lol memory like a steel trap, woman!

Quoting pdxmum:

But you have two kids and you are currently pregnant by accident by the father of your second child who you are married to but he doesn't pay CS on your SS and is $11,000 in arrears...

You say you didn't know about his deadbeat tendencies when you first got pregnant but you did know with this pregnancy.  So why are you having another baby?  All this soul searching about lost dreams and it never happening again...

 

 

 

 

twinklebites
by Bronze Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 7:38 PM

 Agree with this ... theyre are lots of women who would love to "accidentally" get pregnant !

Get of some BC make a good decision for the love of God!

Quoting GlockMom:

OP if you are resentful of your kids because you can't do what you want to do why are you pregnant AGAIN?!

B. I. R. T. H. C. O. N. T. R. O. L.

What's that spell sweetie? That's right! Birth control. Take a pill, everyday or go get a shot every 90 days. Or if you have issues remembering there are implants that work for 5 years. Better yet, if that's too much for ya, since I am sure you are on state aid since not being able to do anything for yourself is the issue. That implies you are broke as a joke. Get your tubes tied, I would rather my tax dollars go to spaying your ass than you to keep churning out babies you don't want.

If you don't want to go with those options and want to be resentment free, put your kids up for adoption, including the one incubating inside your uterus right now, then stay the hell off your back. We all know what happens when we have unprotected intercourse.

Hell, I don't want no mo babies, I got my tubes tied. I am full aware that every time I have sex with my husband that if my tubal fails in some way I could get pregnant. Well....if I do I can take care of a baby. Baby would be wanted and loved and NOT resented for happening and keeping me from things I want. If I so badly never want another child I need to use back up birth control or stay off my back and off his lap.

Seek therapy please. You need it, your kids need you to get it too.


 

annabl1970
by Gold Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 7:54 PM
Sorry OP but Glock is right.


Quoting GlockMom:

OP if you are resentful of your kids because you can't do what you want to do why are you pregnant AGAIN?!



B. I. R. T. H. C. O. N. T. R. O. L.



What's that spell sweetie? That's right! Birth control. Take a pill, everyday or go get a shot every 90 days. Or if you have issues remembering there are implants that work for 5 years. Better yet, if that's too much for ya, since I am sure you are on state aid since not being able to do anything for yourself is the issue. That implies you are broke as a joke. Get your tubes tied, I would rather my tax dollars go to spaying your ass than you to keep churning out babies you don't want.



If you don't want to go with those options and want to be resentment free, put your kids up for adoption, including the one incubating inside your uterus right now, then stay the hell off your back. We all know what happens when we have unprotected intercourse.



Hell, I don't want no mo babies, I got my tubes tied. I am full aware that every time I have sex with my husband that if my tubal fails in some way I could get pregnant. Well....if I do I can take care of a baby. Baby would be wanted and loved and NOT resented for happening and keeping me from things I want. If I so badly never want another child I need to use back up birth control or stay off my back and off his lap.



Seek therapy please. You need it, your kids need you to get it too.

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BasketballMama8
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 1:05 PM

Dont regret them now that they are here BUT I never ever wanted kids, I wanted to be childless by choice my entire life. First time I got preg I was on the pill (most likely skipped a couple days accidently i still dont know). The second time, I had an iud firmly implanted. I was devastated the first time, but the second time I became more excited. I dont regret my kids but I know that I would have less stress, less worries, and more money. My life revolves around them and making sure they have the best life possible. My own life has taken a backseat and it sounds bad (but you wanted honesty) I miss the childless, carefree me from time to time still.  This job is never ending; I have 2 kids and 100 things per child to worry about daily.   Even with all that, I would do it again but its not all happiness and rainbows, We have  peoples LIVES in our hands, and as moms (and you stepmoms) we have a lot of pressure to make the best decisions with no prior experience. Cant lie, its hard

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