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can it really be like this?

Posted by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 3:42 PM
  • 58 Replies
I'm stressed. I have two steps sons one lines with us and is 4 and one lives with BM. She asked for it that way because the older one the one with us had some medical issues and she couldn't handle it. So I'm doing it. I love this little bit like my own. I have two children that are mine. A daughter and son. I treat him no differently. My mother on the other hand will bring my two children new toys or want to keep them for the day and take them somewhere. She says she can't handle My step son. She won't even try. I've had this talk over and over and it is not getting thru her brain. So today she does this Again. I asked to talk to get outside about it and told her this is not nice. She told me she loved him to but no matter what he is not my son. She did i can love him but no matter what things would always be different with him. I hate that. Why did love have to be split that way. ?? So my question is did it seem that way to you other moms with kids and being a step mom and yours have s step dad. What if my husband feels that way? I'm so upset over this. :-(
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 3:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 5:20 PM
1 mom liked this
Personally, my mother or Js mother would not be allowed to treat any of our kids that way, and they wouldnt be seeing them anymore if they couldnt treat them all the same.
jlg12678
by Gold Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 5:24 PM


Same here. I think it is petty bullshit if a freaking grandma can't treat all the kids the same. I can see where it would be harder if the kid was an older teen but this kid is four. Come on. 

Quoting luckystars2012:

Personally, my mother or Js mother would not be allowed to treat any of our kids that way, and they wouldnt be seeing them anymore if they couldnt treat them all the same.



amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 5:26 PM
3 moms liked this
Tell your mother tat you can't dictate how she feels about your SS but that they will be treated fairly in your home. That no matter what differences she sees, these children share a home that you won't have divided over favoritism.

I'm lucky in this department. Even my step dad and his family (who have only been in my life for 3 years) treat my SD like family.
luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 5:48 PM
Exactly.

Even if grandma doesn't feel as close to the sks, there's no reason to treat them so differently.


Quoting jlg12678:


Same here. I think it is petty bullshit if a freaking grandma can't treat all the kids the same. I can see where it would be harder if the kid was an older teen but this kid is four. Come on. 


Quoting luckystars2012:

Personally, my mother or Js mother would not be allowed to treat any of our kids that way, and they wouldnt be seeing them anymore if they couldnt treat them all the same.





JustaSM231
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 5:53 PM
So sorry. My parents call my skids their grand kids and treat them just like my brothers' kids. I don't have any bios. And my skids call my parents gma and gpa. They weren't told too, just picked it up because that's what the other grand kids call them.
momtodab
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 6:04 PM
I've had this convo do many times. I guess I'm going to have to cut all contact of with her. I just don't get why as my mother shecan't accept him since i do ugh it just makes me so mad


Quoting luckystars2012:

Exactly.



Even if grandma doesn't feel as close to the sks, there's no reason to treat them so differently.




Quoting jlg12678:


Same here. I think it is petty bullshit if a freaking grandma can't treat all the kids the same. I can see where it would be harder if the kid was an older teen but this kid is four. Come on. 



Quoting luckystars2012:

Personally, my mother or Js mother would not be allowed to treat any of our kids that way, and they wouldnt be seeing them anymore if they couldnt treat them all the same.







luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 6:08 PM
She doesn't have to love him the way you do.

It she should be able to treat him the same as the other kids when it comes to activities and stuff.

I would tell her that its all or nothing, and follow through.


Quoting momtodab:

I've had this convo do many times. I guess I'm going to have to cut all contact of with her. I just don't get why as my mother shecan't accept him since i do ugh it just makes me so mad




Quoting luckystars2012:

Exactly.





Even if grandma doesn't feel as close to the sks, there's no reason to treat them so differently.






Quoting jlg12678:


Same here. I think it is petty bullshit if a freaking grandma can't treat all the kids the same. I can see where it would be harder if the kid was an older teen but this kid is four. Come on. 




Quoting luckystars2012:

Personally, my mother or Js mother would not be allowed to treat any of our kids that way, and they wouldnt be seeing them anymore if they couldnt treat them all the same.









Tpayne2011
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 8:06 PM
My MIL told my kids that sd is her favorite so I just don't let my kids see her or talk to her. I can't control how she feels but I don't subject my kids to her favorites game. That wasn't the only thing she did but that was the last straw for me.


Quoting momtodab:

I'm stressed. I have two steps sons one lines with us and is 4 and one lives with BM. She asked for it that way because the older one the one with us had some medical issues and she couldn't handle it. So I'm doing it. I love this little bit like my own. I have two children that are mine. A daughter and son. I treat him no differently. My mother on the other hand will bring my two children new toys or want to keep them for the day and take them somewhere. She says she can't handle My step son. She won't even try. I've had this talk over and over and it is not getting thru her brain. So today she does this Again. I asked to talk to get outside about it and told her this is not nice. She told me she loved him to but no matter what he is not my son. She did i can love him but no matter what things would always be different with him. I hate that. Why did love have to be split that way. ?? So my question is did it seem that way to you other moms with kids and being a step mom and yours have s step dad. What if my husband feels that way? I'm so upset over this. :-(

Chibi_Kitten
by Krystal on Jul. 28, 2013 at 8:15 PM
2 moms liked this

 I don't allow people to play favorites with my kids, it's all or nothing. Obviously, I can't control how others feel about my kids, their kids or some random kids, but I can control how much contact mine have with people who are going to be that way.

spicy0425
by Silver Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 8:22 PM
1 mom liked this

You can tell your mom that if she loves you and her bio-grand children enough, she needs to help you out by hiding her thought and the different treatment toward your SS. You can't ask her to be truly loving to your SS, but you can ask her to cooperate while she is visiting your family.

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