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UPDATE: Would you consider this Overstepping? - Apparently SF thought so...

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:25 AM
  • 40 Replies

I signed the three little ones up for summer camp (SD8, DD7, DS5) and so far the have been LOVING IT! They go 3 days a week and I do all the transportation On the days that SD is with BM, I pick her up and drop her off.

When I picked SD up this morning, she came limping out to the car. I asked her what was wrong and she showed me her sneaker. The wire was completely coming out of it and digging into her heel. I asked them if they minded being a little late to camp so we can stop to get her a new pair. As we pull into the parking lot of the store SD says "Well I guess this is good that you're getting me the sneakers. Mom said she was going to, but we're having a problem in our family and it costs a lot of money. Now Mom wont have to waste her money buying me new shoes."

So, BM planned on getting her new sneakers. But I just couldnt bring myself to send her to camp in those sneakers. They're there for 6 hours and playing sports most of the time. She would have been in so much pain by the time I picked them up. Was I wrong in this case for getting her the sneakers even though BM said she was going to? 

UPDATE: Saturday morning while I was packing up SD8's things to go back to BM's, I told her to make sure she didnt forget her camp backpack, towel that was from her moms, and her sneakers. She says "Uhh well, I have to leave my sneakers here because SF said that if I bring them back there he is going to throw them in the garbage. So I'll just wear the other ones until Mom afford to get me another pair." I told her SF wasnt allowed to throw them in the garbage because *I* was the one who paid for them. So she brought them back and SO calls BM about it. And BM's response (AS ALWAYS) was that SD just didnt understand what SF was saying. Ummmm ok....

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:25 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:30 AM
I don't think so. Your intentions were about what you felt was best for your sd's well being and not about crossing bm.
Derdriu
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:30 AM

I would say no.  You saw a need and took care of it.  Whether or not BM views it as overstepping, that's another matter.  Some wouldn't care one way or the other.  Some would be grateful you took care of it.  Others would be pissed you did something for their child.  Just depends on the BM in question...

SMInProgress
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:31 AM

No you are not wrong.  Anything with kids/skids that can physically worsen is a bigger risk. You're vigilant, you're fine.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:46 AM

No, it was nice of you. Now mom won't have to do it. I'm sure she appreciates free sneakers. I would.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:47 AM
3 moms liked this


I love free stuff.

I suppose mom can go and buy another pair of sneakers if she doesn't want to accept these.

Quoting Derdriu:

I would say no.  You saw a need and took care of it.  Whether or not BM views it as overstepping, that's another matter.  Some wouldn't care one way or the other.  Some would be grateful you took care of it.  Others would be pissed you did something for their child.  Just depends on the BM in question...



aeELE
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 12:16 PM
IMO, you see a need, you fill it.

SS outgrew his sneakers earlier in the year. I noticed he had red rimmed toenails and a blister on his toe while changing him for bed. I just told DH and then went for new sneakers.

When custody changed next SS went in his new sneakers; DH had already filled BM in on replacing the too tight sneakers. When we got him back next he was wearing a different set of new sneakers and ours were in a bag.

I wasn't sure if it was meant to tell me something or not, but when in doubt I prefer to assume the best. So I guess BM likes to shoe shop as much as I do, but maybe she did see it as an overstep? I don't know how much that helped...
kristen518-06
by Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 12:42 PM

 i dont think you overstepped i know if my ds had a sm i would appreciate her doing something like that

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 2:08 PM

I love free stuff too :) While my bio-kids don't have a SM, whenever my parents, my in-laws, or my aunt (who doesn't have grandkids) buy the kids things I just figure that's one less thing that I have to buy :)

But no, i wouldn't consider it over stepping. I consider it that you were in a position to help when the help was needed.


Quoting whatIknownow:


I love free stuff.

I suppose mom can go and buy another pair of sneakers if she doesn't want to accept these.

Quoting Derdriu:

I would say no.  You saw a need and took care of it.  Whether or not BM views it as overstepping, that's another matter.  Some wouldn't care one way or the other.  Some would be grateful you took care of it.  Others would be pissed you did something for their child.  Just depends on the BM in question...





tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 2:59 PM

BM should be appreciative its one less thing she will have to do.  Its about the kids and their needs. 

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:06 PM

No, like others have said, if BM doesn't appreciate it then she can send them to your home and buy the child her own shoes for her place.  If she does appreciate it then it wasn't overstepping.  You could have made it into an overstepping situation but you didn't.  You're fine. 

I'm curious though, what kind of sneakers have wires in the heels?  My boys have worn down their shoes to holes in the toes or heals (happens overnight, I swear!) but I've never seen wires in them.  Ouch! 

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