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If men are such morons when it comes to ...

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 custody, mom, the kids, CO's, etc, please explain to me why any mom should treat them as an equal parent.

 

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:34 PM
Replies (11-20):
weaveress
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:58 PM

bm treats him as an equal. i don't see him as equal to me. in someways he is superior(in bed for example, intelligence wise, work expertise he is superior) in kids, CO, custody he is not. 

packermomof2
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:59 PM

 


Quoting luckystars2012:

There's a difference between "men being morons" and "men struggling with a court and custody system that is structurally and fundamentally biased towards women"

In most states, moms get all kids of help. Help filing for cs, establishing a custody order, etc. Men get nothing, except the words "hire a lawyer".

And then women wonder why more men don't "do what it takes, when women are able to" in most cases, women don't have to. It's done for them.

Pure anecdote here, but every single mom I know that has gone through a divorce and custody battle has had to do the legwork herself.  I fought, tooth and nail, for my kids.  I talked to various lawyers, looked up various topics I had questions about, laid it all out there, even private therapy records that had to do with my childhood and abuse (sexual and physical) so that I could have my kids.  I know other women who do the same thing.  Who does all this legwork for women?

Men are just as capable as women, they just have to want to do it.  My ex didn't fight me for custody until his mom and dad told him he had to do so.  His wife fought other battles for him, or tried, after I had custody.  He did not do most of the legwork himself.  Women did.  I was never fighthing him, it was always a woman (mom, wife).

If men don't want their kids or want to fight for their chidlren that should be on them.

 

"What country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance. Let them take arms."
Thomas Jefferson
to James Madison

"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Ben Franklin
American Statesman
packermomof2
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:00 PM

 


Quoting weaveress:

bm treats him as an equal. i don't see him as equal to me. in someways he is superior(in bed for example, intelligence wise, work expertise he is superior) in kids, CO, custody he is not. 


 We're talking about mom and dad, not a husband's sexual prowess. Mom should treat him as an equal if they're both inept and having you do their job for them.

"What country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance. Let them take arms."
Thomas Jefferson
to James Madison

"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Ben Franklin
American Statesman
packermomof2
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:03 PM

 


Quoting Graceplustwo:

Because you didn't create the kid yourself. He is a equal parent. And maybe ppl should be more selective in who they have children with.


 Oh, so he can be a moron and need a woman to hold his hand in all things child related, but mom needs to treat him as if he is as capable as she is because they had sex?

I'm not devaluing men, I think they hold a lot of value, but I think mom's respect dad's more than some of their second, third, fourth, etc wives do.  I think too many subsequent spouses get it in their head that if a man hasn't done something he can't do it so she pushes for it or does it for him. 

If a man lets a woman do that, no he isn't an equal parent.  If a man handles his business without a woman there, he is.

phoenixhuntress
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:03 PM

Sounds like my DH & the BM.  He knows the CO forwards & backwards but she tends to think whatever she comes up with at that moment is what it should be.  He has to tell her often: "That is/isn't in the CO.  Perhaps you should read it again."  She just pushes the boundaries when she thinks she can get away with it.

Quoting newstepmom61811:

I think there are as many idiot men as women out there...DH has a beautiful CO set up that he and his attorney did just fine on...I've read it so I know what DHs rights, responsibilities, and schedule is for my own sake...BM has never even read her own divorce decree/CO, DH has to remind her all the time what's in it...she starts screaming about what her rights are and he has to refer her back to what the court did indeed take away and why he is making certain decisions or telling her no to something...he reminds her to read it so she understands...she never has...no gender has a monopoly on idiocy.


weaveress
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:04 PM

Ah ok gotcha. I have actually had that problem for years. Still have not solved it. I thought working fulltime like BM/DH do would solve it because I was a SAHM for years. 

Quoting packermomof2:



Quoting weaveress:

bm treats him as an equal. i don't see him as equal to me. in someways he is superior(in bed for example, intelligence wise, work expertise he is superior) in kids, CO, custody he is not. 


 We're talking about mom and dad, not a husband's sexual prowess. Mom should treat him as an equal if they're both inept and having you do their job for them.



Kasi Lynn, Calvin David, & Lilith Jade's Mommy
The Work will wait while you show the child the RAINBOW, but the rainbow won't wait while you do your work.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:04 PM
3 moms liked this

This is a fact, many men refuse to fight because they 'know' they can't win. I think it is unfortunate that people have to battle for access to their children with their child's other parent. I think many men just don't want to engage in that.

There's a difference between "men being morons" and "men struggling with a court and custody system that is structurally and fundamentally biased towards women"

In most states, moms get all kids of help. Help filing for cs, establishing a custody order, etc. Men get nothing, except the words "hire a lawyer".

And then women wonder why more men don't "do what it takes, when women are able to" in most cases, women don't have to. It's done for them.


Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:20 PM
It's not like that for everyone.

When j and bm split, she filed for cs by filling out two forms. They did all the legwork for her, including drafting the custody order. Had j contested anything it
Would have gone before a judge. Bm would have been able to get legal aid as she was the one who filed, j would have had to hire an attorney or go it alone against the legal aid atty who repped bm. As it stood he had to pay a godawful amount just to get his visitation ENFORCED according to the CO be ause bm didn't follow a word of it.


Same with my cs and custody order, except I amore than willing to follow the visitation order. I barely had to do more than lift a pen.


Quoting packermomof2:

 




Quoting luckystars2012:

There's a difference between "men being morons" and "men struggling with a court and custody system that is structurally and fundamentally biased towards women"

In most states, moms get all kids of help. Help filing for cs, establishing a custody order, etc. Men get nothing, except the words "hire a lawyer".

And then women wonder why more men don't "do what it takes, when women are able to" in most cases, women don't have to. It's done for them.

Pure anecdote here, but every single mom I know that has gone through a divorce and custody battle has had to do the legwork herself.  I fought, tooth and nail, for my kids.  I talked to various lawyers, looked up various topics I had questions about, laid it all out there, even private therapy records that had to do with my childhood and abuse (sexual and physical) so that I could have my kids.  I know other women who do the same thing.  Who does all this legwork for women?


Men are just as capable as women, they just have to want to do it.  My ex didn't fight me for custody until his mom and dad told him he had to do so.  His wife fought other battles for him, or tried, after I had custody.  He did not do most of the legwork himself.  Women did.  I was never fighthing him, it was always a woman (mom, wife).


If men don't want their kids or want to fight for their chidlren that should be on them.


 


luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:21 PM
Don't want to, can't afford to, don't know how to do it on their own and can't get any guidance to do so.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

This is a fact, many men refuse to fight because they 'know' they can't win. I think it is unfortunate that people have to battle for access to their children with their child's other parent. I think many men just don't want to engage in that.

There's a difference between "men being morons" and "men struggling with a court and custody system that is structurally and fundamentally biased towards women"



In most states, moms get all kids of help. Help filing for cs, establishing a custody order, etc. Men get nothing, except the words "hire a lawyer".



And then women wonder why more men don't "do what it takes, when women are able to" in most cases, women don't have to. It's done for them.



pepper504
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:25 PM

I've never been in that situation as a mom, so I do not know.

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