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If men are such morons when it comes to ...

Posted by   + Show Post

 custody, mom, the kids, CO's, etc, please explain to me why any mom should treat them as an equal parent.

 

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:34 PM
Replies (61-70):
newstepmom61811
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:18 PM
But mothers without attorneys don't have a cake walk either...in my DHs case BM ended up with next to nothing...the Judge gave her a few chances simply because she didn't have an attorney but when she wasted those well, she lost patience and then it was over for BM. The case was decided and she lost a lot. The bottom line is, it's painful, if you want to fight for your kids you just have to make it happen...mother or father. There is nothing magical about a struggling single mother scraping her finances to get an attorney to fight for custody...she's fighting for her kids...my DH did the same thing...so he gets to raise them and loves it...I don't get why it's such a mystery...the call it a custody fight/battle for a reason...fathers can fight to...


Quoting luckystars2012:

Exactly. It's next to impossible for a man to sucessfully get a fair shake in court without a lawyer.



And it's not always possible to get a lawyer on a payment plan.



When bm first took off with ss, J called over 300 lawyers. Not one would take a payment plan without at least 1000$ deposit. Not an easy feat for a lower enlisted soldier who is already paying cs.



He had to save, not only for the attorney but for the PI to find her so that they could serve her.




Quoting newstepmom61811:

In Texas, in the court he had, hell no, he fought like hell and went through two attorneys...one who took some of his money and really committed legal malpractice...reported that one to the bar...the point still being he fought like hell and MADE it happen for his kids...BM had no attorney, didn't need one, the court was on.her side. No one HAS to do it without an attorney...it's a matter of doing the work to find one that will work with you...it takes effort...I assure you, nothing has been handed to my DH...and father who wants the outcome he had can get it if they do the work...he fought like hell, it was ugly, git wrenching, two years long...but worth it...for the kids, so worth it.






Quoting luckystars2012:

You are dancing around my question.  

Do you feel that your DH would have obtained the same CO if he had had to do it without an attorney? 





Quoting newstepmom61811:

He did''t see that as an option, he took the fight for his kids seriously. So he hinted for an attorney who took his fight seriously...any man can do that with time and effort if they want to...but it takes time and effort...he was not the kind of man to sit back and say "poor little me, the system works against me", he knew it did, so he prepared that he had to fight harder than BM, and he did.















luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:24 PM
1 mom liked this
In your other reply you said the judge gave bm chance after chance after chance.

Most often, bms do have a cake walk, and dad's are left with nothing unless they can find a lawyer.

Key word is lawyer. Bms don't need one, they can get everything handed to them, while dads need one if they want a damn thing.

95% of the time, dad ONLY has a fighting chance with a lawyer while bm has a smooth ride.


Quoting newstepmom61811:

But mothers without attorneys don't have a cake walk either...in my DHs case BM ended up with next to nothing...the Judge gave her a few chances simply because she didn't have an attorney but when she wasted those well, she lost patience and then it was over for BM. The case was decided and she lost a lot. The bottom line is, it's painful, if you want to fight for your kids you just have to make it happen...mother or father. There is nothing magical about a struggling single mother scraping her finances to get an attorney to fight for custody...she's fighting for her kids...my DH did the same thing...so he gets to raise them and loves it...I don't get why it's such a mystery...the call it a custody fight/battle for a reason...fathers can fight to...




Quoting luckystars2012:

Exactly. It's next to impossible for a man to sucessfully get a fair shake in court without a lawyer.





And it's not always possible to get a lawyer on a payment plan.





When bm first took off with ss, J called over 300 lawyers. Not one would take a payment plan without at least 1000$ deposit. Not an easy feat for a lower enlisted soldier who is already paying cs.





He had to save, not only for the attorney but for the PI to find her so that they could serve her.






Quoting newstepmom61811:

In Texas, in the court he had, hell no, he fought like hell and went through two attorneys...one who took some of his money and really committed legal malpractice...reported that one to the bar...the point still being he fought like hell and MADE it happen for his kids...BM had no attorney, didn't need one, the court was on.her side. No one HAS to do it without an attorney...it's a matter of doing the work to find one that will work with you...it takes effort...I assure you, nothing has been handed to my DH...and father who wants the outcome he had can get it if they do the work...he fought like hell, it was ugly, git wrenching, two years long...but worth it...for the kids, so worth it.








Quoting luckystars2012:

You are dancing around my question.  

Do you feel that your DH would have obtained the same CO if he had had to do it without an attorney? 






Quoting newstepmom61811:

He did''t see that as an option, he took the fight for his kids seriously. So he hinted for an attorney who took his fight seriously...any man can do that with time and effort if they want to...but it takes time and effort...he was not the kind of man to sit back and say "poor little me, the system works against me", he knew it did, so he prepared that he had to fight harder than BM, and he did.



















Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:42 AM
If there's no abuse and dads an "ok" dad,why do some bms make it hard for dad to get some type of visitation established?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
SMInProgress
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 2:04 AM

Control. Unfortunately.

Quoting Steamedpuddle30:

If there's no abuse and dads an "ok" dad,why do some bms make it hard for dad to get some type of visitation established?


packermomof2
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 2:22 AM



Quoting Steamedpuddle30:

If there's no abuse and dads an "ok" dad,why do some bms make it hard for dad to get some type of visitation established?


Isn't it obvious?  Because some woman has to hold his balls and until the next woman shows up some moms are left in charge of them.  

But don't worry, as soon as there is some woman who think that mom is a control freak she'll take over where mom left off and dad will STILL not have to do a thing.

Momniscient
by Bronze Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 2:26 AM
1 mom liked this
That is changing. Most western states have joint custody as statutory and some are downright favoring of fathers rights.

What the problem is is that institutionally the courts cannot individualize cases and rulings so we have a system that the only real consistency is focus on parental rights at the detriment of the children.


Quoting luckystars2012:

There's a difference between "men being morons" and "men struggling with a court and custody system that is structurally and fundamentally biased towards women"



In most states, moms get all kids of help. Help filing for cs, establishing a custody order, etc. Men get nothing, except the words "hire a lawyer".



And then women wonder why more men don't "do what it takes, when women are able to" in most cases, women don't have to. It's done for them.
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 6:14 AM
Anger, ignorance, they didn't have a good Dad themselves and some mothers simply lack the capacity to put their children first.

Quoting Steamedpuddle30:

If there's no abuse and dads an "ok" dad,why do some bms make it hard for dad to get some type of visitation established?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 7:38 AM
That is largely for men who are able to get a lawyer though. Men who can afford one are usually out of luck, while bms get a cake walk.


Quoting Momniscient:

That is changing. Most western states have joint custody as statutory and some are downright favoring of fathers rights.



What the problem is is that institutionally the courts cannot individualize cases and rulings so we have a system that the only real consistency is focus on parental rights at the detriment of the children.




Quoting luckystars2012:

There's a difference between "men being morons" and "men struggling with a court and custody system that is structurally and fundamentally biased towards women"





In most states, moms get all kids of help. Help filing for cs, establishing a custody order, etc. Men get nothing, except the words "hire a lawyer".





And then women wonder why more men don't "do what it takes, when women are able to" in most cases, women don't have to. It's done for them.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 8:07 AM
1 mom liked this
I didn't understand this. Dad's access to his children shouldn't be about Dad's balls or any other woman.

Quoting packermomof2:




Quoting Steamedpuddle30:

If there's no abuse and dads an "ok" dad,why do some bms make it hard for dad to get some type of visitation established?



Isn't it obvious?  Because some woman has to hold his balls and until the next woman shows up some moms are left in charge of them.  

But don't worry, as soon as there is some woman who think that mom is a control freak she'll take over where mom left off and dad will STILL not have to do a thing.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
teaching_kids
by Bronze Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 8:18 AM
1 mom liked this
BM doesn't treat my husband as an equal parent. She respects him as Dad, especially when it comes to big decisions -but most of the time, she does her own thing.

Since SD is well taken care of... It's really not a problem for anyone
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