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Do to communicate with your sk's mother?

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:26 PM
  • 59 Replies
My df and I are to be married in September. The girls' mother has stated a few times that we got off on the wrong foot because of miscommunication, but when I try to contact her with a q's regarding her daughters she says she shouldn't have to deal with me at all and that their father needs to call her. I just know the girls' life would be a little better if we could work together!! So do you communicate with her or does their father handle everything??
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
spicy0425
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:32 PM
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Ah, you're dealing with 1/2 of my BM. She talks a good talk, but we have to work around her mood and feelings. Like you, I know the SDs' lives would be a little better if the adults could work together. However, knowing and having it is 2 different things that if the SDs are lucky, they'll collide.  Having said that, the BM is right in the sense that she doesn't have to deal with you with regards to the step kids. Let your fiance deal with the BM. If BM calls and wants to talk to you, then it is up to you to decide whether you gonna take her call or not.  I don't let my DH handle everything. If something related to the overall finance and the "well-being" of the family, then I demand 1/2 of the right to have a say. Other than that, he can deal with the BM.

CFSTBSM27
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:33 PM
If she is saying that, than let her childrens father discuss things with her.
jules2boys
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:33 PM

BF handles everything.  You handle things through BF. She handles things through BF.  Make your life simpler.  HOW do you know the girls lives would be better if you could all work together?  They aren't your kids, they're his and hers kids. 

My kids lives would not be better if SM and I communicated, nor would SOs kids be better if his XW and I communicated.  He's got it handled on his end, I've got it handled on my end. 

JTROX
by Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:33 PM

It would have been easier if we could have, but that never worked out.

They are grown now, thank goodness.

DeliteCrazy
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:34 PM
She probably means we can be civil, maybe chat. But in regards to kids her and bf have that handled.
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dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:35 PM
It depends on the custody arrangement, and several other factors. How often does your so have his daughter?
MNix
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:36 PM

i think you should let the dad handle it unless its a problem that effects your whole family and then everyone should sit down and discuss things.... thats what we try to do... it doesnt work out all that well but at least the BD and I are looking out for our kids whether she (BM) wants to participate in that way or not

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:40 PM
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I'm CSM, I'm also a SAHM and primary caretaker of SD while DH works. There are times when I do have to communicate with her; but I do my best to let DH handle it. I don't want to deal with her. I didn't have sex with her, I didn't make a baby with her, not my responsibility to communicate with her.

But, she comes to ME first when there's an issue or something she wants to discuss. I just tell her to take it up with DH. 

tiffanydearing
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:46 PM
He has 3 daughters. They were never married and there is no custody agreement. He generally has them every weekend and throughout the summer also rotating holidays.


Quoting dawnnamarie:

It depends on the custody arrangement, and several other factors. How often does your so have his daughter?

tiffanydearing
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:51 PM
Whenever he has to discuss things with her she tends to get an elavated, angry tone, she comes into our home and does this in front of the girls, it usually leaves them crying and upset. Without that, I firmly believe they would b better off.


Quoting jules2boys:

BF handles everything.  You handle things through BF. She handles things through BF.  Make your life simpler.  HOW do you know the girls lives would be better if you could all work together?  They aren't your kids, they're his and hers kids. 

My kids lives would not be better if SM and I communicated, nor would SOs kids be better if his XW and I communicated.  He's got it handled on his end, I've got it handled on my end. 


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