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I am an awesome SM and wife.

Posted by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 10:32 PM
  • 31 Replies

Over the past 5 years, I have learned quite a lot.  

I have learned that while I love my SSs, I also love that they don't live with me full-time.  I also happen to love that DH doesn't live with me full-time, but not as much.

DH, while a very different parent than me in many ways, is a great parent.  I may not agree or even like what he does all the time, but those are his kids and he is the parent.

I value his input and perspective regarding my DDs.  

I have found my role as SM to be most effective when I merely share my perspective and let go of anything changing.  And to save demands for rare occasions.  I made a demand recently regarding his parenting responsibilities.  DH had been procrastinating getting something done, but I said I needed him to do it that week.  It was the right thing for him to do on so many levels but it was hard for him.  He did it.  And it went so very, very well.  Better than I could have ever predicted.

But that isn't why I am awesome.  I suggested recently that DH suggest to boys that they consider coming to see him by train to see a baseball game even though it isnt "dad time".  Baseball games dont always fall on "dad time".  He has always been hesitant to ask for extra time because BM makes such a fucking stink and lords it over him like she has granted a fucking presidential pardon.  Not fun.  I suggested though, that the boys were old enough to make independent plans and they often just needed to hear the possibilities.

DH and SS16 are going to sit in the Kings Court next week to watch Felix pitch.  SS couldn't be more excited.

Sometimes SS and DH just don't see the possibilities.  I have a different perspective.

So how do you make being a SM work?  What is your SM success story?

And don't fucking say when they started calling you mom.

by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 10:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Skeletor on Aug. 1, 2013 at 10:34 PM
1 mom liked this

Your last sentiment made me choke on my Pepsi.  

You are an awesome human - so of course you're an awesome wife and SM - duh!  

by Platinum Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 10:55 PM
1 mom liked this
What???? She's a human???

Totally just kidding :-) I agree though. I think pdxmum is a great sm bcshe puts the kids first and does not push herself- she is comfortable and secure in her roles in the kids' life.

Quoting LyndaLoo78:

Your last sentiment made me choke on my Pepsi.  

You are an awesome human - so of course you're an awesome wife and SM - duh!  

by Silver Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 11:12 PM
1 mom liked this

Well, let me just start by saying that SS has ALWAYS called me Mom- that's how I introduced myself to him, after having dated his father for 3 entire days...  JK <3 

I don't think I've been at it long enough to have a success story, but I like to think I'm doing alright. I don't have many complaints, and no one has made any complaints about me- that I'm aware of! But I love my SS's silly little face and he loves me right back, and that's all the success I need. 

I'm glad your idea worked out so well! I love sports games w my Dad. 

by Gold Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 11:18 PM
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We are just entering the teen years so I will hold off calling it a success story for now LOL!!!

Seriously though I have pretty much the same attitude dss is with us half the time and I love when he's here and miss when he's not because he's y bud we are good friends. Sure he respects me as an adult and he does so Bc his dad has instilled in him that you respect the adults in your life. But I don't pressure or push or force my way in. And I'm lucky despite everything he has been through he is just a good natured kid- not without his faults but who is. I'm lucky to be his sm.
by Ruby Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 11:37 PM
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According to SD12-I am awesome because I actually listen to her. I don't judge,comment,voice my opinion. I let her have her space but she feels comfortable coming to me and venting when she needs it.

SS7 says I'm awesome (dont laugh)because I make his mashed potatoes EXACTLY how he likes it-not even BM can accomplish this task and I've shown her many times how to prepare his taters!!

How did I make it work? Long talks with WIKN,patience, communication with the kids/BM and lots of attention

by Platinum Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 12:26 AM
I'm awesome because I made couscous and sausage.... It doesn't take a lot somedays. :)
by Bronze Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 1:38 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm awesome because DH says I bring balance and perspective to him. 

SS13 and SS16 think I'm awesome because I always introduce them to new music, I listen to them and generally put no pressure or expectations as far as our relationship goes.  They felt unable to talk to their BM, and SF always got in their business when they did try and talk. I understand that as a Mom, she has her perspective on what the kids say, and I have another. So I just let them talk. I hope one day they can all get on the same page and strengthen things back up.  

SS10 thinks I'm awesome because I make good food.  Most especially because I made him shredded beef tacos tonight for his birthday.  

Im an awesome Mom because I raised DS19 by myself.  BF paid zero CS, did not want or ask for regular visitation.  DS has had some tough moments, but they were only moments, and he's working full time two jobs right now, one of which he is training to become an air balance engineer.  

by Platinum Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 6:31 AM

I really just think I am a pretty good dad's wife. But I am pretty sure SS views me as his SM. I just really like the relationship me and SS have that is all our own. I do not know if it would be as good as it is today had he lived with us. I dont think his relationship would be as good as it is with his father either had that happened. Cant go back and say coulda woulda. It just is what it is today. Which is really good. My headspace is really good with him.

by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 6:58 AM

I made being an SM work the day I learned to use disengaging as a technique. I partially (very partially) disengaged from certain tasks for a brief time and it changed the whole course of my SM career. I will forever be grateful to the anonymous ladies who gave me that advice (it wasn't at cafemom).

Then, the second fork in the road I came to as a SM, was when I decided to make a conscious effort to understand, and forgive, my stepkids' mother, so that I could let go of the resentment. This also changed my SM landscape and I credit *this* decision with saving my relationships with my stepkids. Had I not made that decision, I doubt very much I would have the peaceful happy relationships with my stepkids that I have today.

by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 2:37 PM
I haven't been a SM long enough to be awesome. However....I have an awesome crockpot type family that I love.
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