Over the past 5 years, I have learned quite a lot.
I have learned that while I love my SSs, I also love that they don't live with me full-time. I also happen to love that DH doesn't live with me full-time, but not as much.
DH, while a very different parent than me in many ways, is a great parent. I may not agree or even like what he does all the time, but those are his kids and he is the parent.
I value his input and perspective regarding my DDs.
I have found my role as SM to be most effective when I merely share my perspective and let go of anything changing. And to save demands for rare occasions. I made a demand recently regarding his parenting responsibilities. DH had been procrastinating getting something done, but I said I needed him to do it that week. It was the right thing for him to do on so many levels but it was hard for him. He did it. And it went so very, very well. Better than I could have ever predicted.
But that isn't why I am awesome. I suggested recently that DH suggest to boys that they consider coming to see him by train to see a baseball game even though it isnt "dad time". Baseball games dont always fall on "dad time". He has always been hesitant to ask for extra time because BM makes such a fucking stink and lords it over him like she has granted a fucking presidential pardon. Not fun. I suggested though, that the boys were old enough to make independent plans and they often just needed to hear the possibilities.
DH and SS16 are going to sit in the Kings Court next week to watch Felix pitch. SS couldn't be more excited.
Sometimes SS and DH just don't see the possibilities. I have a different perspective.
So how do you make being a SM work? What is your SM success story?
And don't fucking say when they started calling you mom.