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Buying SD a car.......

Posted by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 10:22 AM
  • 29 Replies

My SD is 16 (turned 16 in april) and still has not got her permit and here in my state they have to have the permit for 6 months before getting their drivers license. Well the BM texted my DH a couple weeks ago wanting us to give her $1750.00 to pay half on a car. He told her we dont have that kind of money right now. Well a couple days later she texted saying they found another car for her and wants us to pay the car payment ( anywhere between 250 - 400 monthly) and they add her to their insurance. 

Now my SD doesnt have a job and doesnt want a job. BM just wants to hand her everything without her working for it. BM hardly ever works, she will get a job and stay for a month or so and then quit. SD is seeing that mom doesnt work so why should she. 

We believe a child should work for things they want. We dont mind helping with a car payment but SD should as least get her a part time job and show some responsibility.

We dont see the sense in buying a car for her now when she cant even drive it. We suggested to wait until tax time and we will help however we can but she didnt want to acknowledge that. 

by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 10:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Derdriu
by Gold Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 10:39 AM
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BM can't make ya'll buy a car.  If your DH feels like SD should work toward a vehicle, then that is between him and his daughter.  Handing BM (or anyone really) a wad of cash is foolish unless you simply want to give the money away charitably, no strings attached.  And it doesn't sound as though ya'll can afford this either, which is all the more reason to say no.  There's no sense in putting yourselves in a financial pickle just to indulge a lazy 16yo and her mother.

kim8934
by Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 10:39 AM
3 moms liked this

personally, I would never buy a car for someone that didn't have their license or couldn't afford to pay the insurance.  The rule in our house is they have to pay their insurance and gas.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 10:42 AM
3 moms liked this

Tell Mom no.  Simple.

tgeary
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 10:48 AM

This is what I am afraid of.....is that BM wants us to get the car for her to drive herself so she doesnt have to drive her gas drinking suburban. I keep thinking what if we give her this money and she uses for herself and doesnt use it toward a car. I agree with you also and I told my DH that BM cant make him buy her car, there is no law that requires him to buy her one or even help with one. Heck we cant even afford to get us a second vehicle. Luckly my DH boss let him drive the company vehicle back and forth so I can keep the car to transport our kids to school and whereever else. 

Quoting Derdriu:

BM can't make ya'll buy a car.  If your DH feels like SD should work toward a vehicle, then that is between him and his daughter.  Handing BM (or anyone really) a wad of cash is foolish unless you simply want to give the money away charitably, no strings attached.  And it doesn't sound as though ya'll can afford this either, which is all the more reason to say no.  There's no sense in putting yourselves in a financial pickle just to indulge a lazy 16yo and her mother.


tgeary
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 10:51 AM

I agree. Our kids know they have to work for what they want and they are 11 yrs old. We will not be buying them a car unless they have a job to help with gas and insurance. I think all the kids need to have the rules even though she lives with her mom. If her mom feels differently then she can buy it herself. I think my DH doesnt want to be the bad guy in his daughter's eyes. 

Quoting kim8934:

personally, I would never buy a car for someone that didn't have their license or couldn't afford to pay the insurance.  The rule in our house is they have to pay their insurance and gas.


whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 10:51 AM
1 mom liked this

This problem has a simple solution. Say no. Problem solved.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:08 AM

Are you afraid BM will drive the car you helped purchase or do you think kids should work for what they want?


Quoting tgeary:

This is what I am afraid of.....is that BM wants us to get the car for her to drive herself so she doesnt have to drive her gas drinking suburban. I keep thinking what if we give her this money and she uses for herself and doesnt use it toward a car. I agree with you also and I told my DH that BM cant make him buy her car, there is no law that requires him to buy her one or even help with one. Heck we cant even afford to get us a second vehicle. Luckly my DH boss let him drive the company vehicle back and forth so I can keep the car to transport our kids to school and whereever else. 

Quoting Derdriu:

BM can't make ya'll buy a car.  If your DH feels like SD should work toward a vehicle, then that is between him and his daughter.  Handing BM (or anyone really) a wad of cash is foolish unless you simply want to give the money away charitably, no strings attached.  And it doesn't sound as though ya'll can afford this either, which is all the more reason to say no.  There's no sense in putting yourselves in a financial pickle just to indulge a lazy 16yo and her mother.




tgeary
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:11 AM

Mainly I think that SD should work for what she wants. Also, i dont think it would be right on our end to buy a car that the BM is actually going to drive and not the child. 

Quoting WifeyC:

Are you afraid BM will drive the car you helped purchase or do you think kids should work for what they want?


Quoting tgeary:

This is what I am afraid of.....is that BM wants us to get the car for her to drive herself so she doesnt have to drive her gas drinking suburban. I keep thinking what if we give her this money and she uses for herself and doesnt use it toward a car. I agree with you also and I told my DH that BM cant make him buy her car, there is no law that requires him to buy her one or even help with one. Heck we cant even afford to get us a second vehicle. Luckly my DH boss let him drive the company vehicle back and forth so I can keep the car to transport our kids to school and whereever else. 

Quoting Derdriu:

BM can't make ya'll buy a car.  If your DH feels like SD should work toward a vehicle, then that is between him and his daughter.  Handing BM (or anyone really) a wad of cash is foolish unless you simply want to give the money away charitably, no strings attached.  And it doesn't sound as though ya'll can afford this either, which is all the more reason to say no.  There's no sense in putting yourselves in a financial pickle just to indulge a lazy 16yo and her mother.





WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:13 AM

If you do ever help SD with a car in any way you can't prevent BM from driving it.  Just something you will have to ignore.


Quoting tgeary:

Mainly I think that SD should work for what she wants. Also, i dont think it would be right on our end to buy a car that the BM is actually going to drive and not the child. 

Quoting WifeyC:

Are you afraid BM will drive the car you helped purchase or do you think kids should work for what they want?

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this

I could see helping her out initially...with the payment and her mom with the insurance. But that would be temporary. Sort of like we will help you out say 3 months. But you need to find a job and start to contribute something. Besides the payment and insurance...she will need money for gas. I would help her out temporarily, but she would need to find a job and contribute as well.

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