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I don't know if I can do it again...

Posted by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 3:28 AM
  • 58 Replies

I have been divorced for almost a year.  The divorce it self took about a year.  So you firgue it has been 2 years since all this started.  During the separation/divorce it comsumed me.  I thought about it all the time.  I couldn't sleep.  I was sick more in that year than I ever been in my adult life.  It was an ugly divorce me and my exh were fighting for custody and exh fought dirty.  In the end my exh was awarded custody of my kids.  I got them EOWE.  In the process my exh Parent alienated my son who is now 14.  And we also have a daughter who is 7.  Right after the divorce I was still consumed by it but after awhile I learned to accept things the way they were.  Summer came and things go better I got to see my daughter more.  My son I still barely talk to and he hasn't come to my house in over 8 months.  Just this weekend I got my daughter and she told me that exh is moving in with his gf.  I asked when and she said she didn't know.  GF lives an hour away from me.  I asked well school starts soon are you switching school and she said no not right away.  I will start at old school and then switch later on.  Ever since then this has consumed me.  It is 2am and I can't sleep because I am worried that I am going to loose my daughter to exh.  In our divorce decree it states that he can't switch schools without my approval.  We have joint legal custody.  But I can totally seeing my exh just moving them without telling me.  It also states that I have to do all the driving to transport the kids.  Right now we live 20mins away so it is fine.  I don't like it but I can do it.  I don't want to have to drive an hour each way to get my daughter.  I don't know how to stop this from happening.  Money is tight and I don't want to have to call my laywer if there is nothing I can do because I heard this from a 7 yr old.  But I also want to be 1 step a head and I want to be smarter this time around.  But I also don't want it to consume me again.  I feel like I just got my life back and now this.  Has anyone else gone through this.  Any advice out there. 

by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 3:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ROBIN-C
by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 3:50 AM

Why don't simply ask your husband when he plans on moving and see what he says? 

For the rest of it I think your over reacting. An hour isn't that far/ 2 round trip twice every other weekend. And since he is the one moving propose that he meet you halfway.

why over react before you even talk to him? 

You could look at it as an adventure instead of a negative! You check out the new city online and the drive BEFORE going to get daughter. Find something to stop to do on way home. A new restaurant or place of interest. 

Seriously you will only be alone for the ONE hour on way to get her and the ONE hour after you drop her off. It's really not a huge deal , yet you act like he is taking her out of the country!

orcawhales98
by Member on Aug. 4, 2013 at 3:57 AM

During school I would get her from Wed night to Mon morning.  So I have to pick her up from school Wed and pick and take her to school for Thurs, Fri, and then Mon.  So it is not like I am only making the trip 2 I would be making it 6 times.  I am sorry that is a lot of gas and a lot more where and tear on my car.  Why should I be the 1 to suffer because he was to move an hour away.  Plus i can't ask my exh because I don't want to get my DD in trouble because she tells me things.  Believe me it has happen before. 


Quoting ROBIN-C:

Why don't simply ask your husband when he plans on moving and see what he says? 

For the rest of it I think your over reacting. An hour isn't that far/ 2 round trip twice every other weekend. And since he is the one moving propose that he meet you halfway.

why over react before you even talk to him? 

You could look at it as an adventure instead of a negative! You check out the new city online and the drive BEFORE going to get daughter. Find something to stop to do on way home. A new restaurant or place of interest. 

Seriously you will only be alone for the ONE hour on way to get her and the ONE hour after you drop her off. It's really not a huge deal , yet you act like he is taking her out of the country!



momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Aug. 4, 2013 at 4:53 AM
2 moms liked this
I would throw an absolute shit fit if the other parent moved and caused me 4 hours of driving every other weekend. Thank GOSH our CO already plans for these occasions. I would probably not lose sleep right away but if I were in this moms shoes, I would be bothered 1. That I learned about this from my child and 2. That it would effect my time with my child. At this point she is not having to consider much traffic. She can easily access her children in 20 minutes. He moves an hour away and her access just got slit in the throat.

Yes she needs to speak to him but he should have spoken to her first before talking to the child about it

OP start saving up for a lawyer. I personally would fight the move.


Quoting ROBIN-C:

Why don't simply ask your husband when he plans on moving and see what he says? 

For the rest of it I think your over reacting. An hour isn't that far/ 2 round trip twice every other weekend. And since he is the one moving propose that he meet you halfway.

why over react before you even talk to him? 

You could look at it as an adventure instead of a negative! You check out the new city online and the drive BEFORE going to get daughter. Find something to stop to do on way home. A new restaurant or place of interest. 

Seriously you will only be alone for the ONE hour on way to get her and the ONE hour after you drop her off. It's really not a huge deal , yet you act like he is taking her out of the country!


momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Aug. 4, 2013 at 4:57 AM
1 mom liked this
You also have to consider (depending on your CO) that you could potentially lose those week
Days because of the Distance. Is it in the child's best interest to be traveling that far after school and before school 2-3 times a week multiply that on Thursday and Friday and Mondays?

No.

The best case scenario would be that he move an hour away but not change the children's school. If the drive is ok for you then he should have no issue doing it himself. If he changes schools without your permission, I would slap him with an injunction so fast, his head would spin.


Quoting orcawhales98:During school I would get her from Wed night to Mon morning.  So I have to pick her up from school Wed and pick and take her to school for Thurs, Fri, and then Mon.  So it is not like I am only making the trip 2 I would be making it 6 times.  I am sorry that is a lot of gas and a lot more where and tear on my car.  Why should I be the 1 to suffer because he was to move an hour away.  Plus i can't ask my exh because I don't want to get my DD in trouble because she tells me things.  Believe me it has happen before. 
Quoting ROBIN-C:Why don't simply ask your husband when he plans on moving and see what he says? For the rest of it I think your over reacting. An hour isn't that far/ 2 round trip twice every other weekend. And since he is the one moving propose that he meet you halfway.why over react before you even talk to him? You could look at it as an adventure instead of a negative! You check out the new city online and the drive BEFORE going to get daughter. Find something to stop to do on way home. A new restaurant or place of interest. Seriously you will only be alone for the ONE hour on way to get her and the ONE hour after you drop her off. It's really not a huge deal , yet you act like he is taking her out of the country!

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Aug. 4, 2013 at 7:13 AM
1 mom liked this

You can file for custody if he moves. His moving an hour away severely impacts your abiltiy to be an effective parent. I would file for custody on the basis of this change in circumstances.

and if you are not successful in getting custody to switch, at the very least you should be able to get the CO modified to make him do the driving.

Focus your energy on doing research on-line about cases where custody has switched because the CP  moved away. 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Aug. 4, 2013 at 7:17 AM
1 mom liked this

I disagree. An hour is a big deal. It means no overnights during the week. It means volunteering in the classroom is difficult. PTCs are difficult to attend, as are doctor's appointments. ECs become difficult to attend. If the child has a softball game on mom's weekend, the child might have to choose between seeing mom or playing in the game. It would be difficult for mom to drive her child to the game from her hous. ECs cause many NCPs to lose parenting time this way. Also, the mom can't get to know her child's friends and their parents, and this puts her at a disadvantage as she can't appropriately monitor the child's social life.  The child can't go on play-dates  during mom's weekend or have her friends sleep over when she is at Mom's. This also leads to an eventual desire for the child to skip her weekends with mom when she gets older.

For all these reasons, the father moving an hour away puts mom at a huge disadvantage as a parent. She can and should file a motion to either stop the move, or switch primary custody.


Quoting ROBIN-C:

For the rest of it I think your over reacting. An hour isn't that far/ 2 round trip twice every other weekend. 

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Aug. 4, 2013 at 9:38 AM
Definitely file for full custody.
jlg12678
by Gold Member on Aug. 4, 2013 at 1:00 PM

What does your court state about moving? If your daughter stated they'll be switching schools I would confirm with your ex immediately if this is a possibility or not. It sounds like there is lot of assumptions going on without you or your ex actually discussing anything. That is your first step...talk to the other parent instead of the kid.

I would not file for full custody based off the comment of a seven year child as you have no legal ground to stand on. Kids say stuff all the time. Talk to dad and go from there.

ROBIN-C
by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 1:42 PM

I do t see where that is mentioned in the OP. YOU SAID YOU GET HER EVERY OTHER WEEKENED.

Quoting orcawhales98:

During school I would get her from Wed night to Mon morning.  So I have to pick her up from school Wed and pick and take her to school for Thurs, Fri, and then Mon.  So it is not like I am only making the trip 2 I would be making it 6 times.  I am sorry that is a lot of gas and a lot more where and tear on my car.  Why should I be the 1 to suffer because he was to move an hour away.  Plus i can't ask my exh because I don't want to get my DD in trouble because she tells me things.  Believe me it has happen before. 


Quoting ROBIN-C:

Why don't simply ask your husband when he plans on moving and see what he says? 

For the rest of it I think your over reacting. An hour isn't that far/ 2 round trip twice every other weekend. And since he is the one moving propose that he meet you halfway.

why over react before you even talk to him? 

You could look at it as an adventure instead of a negative! You check out the new city online and the drive BEFORE going to get daughter. Find something to stop to do on way home. A new restaurant or place of interest. 

Seriously you will only be alone for the ONE hour on way to get her and the ONE hour after you drop her off. It's really not a huge deal , yet you act like he is taking her out of the country!




ROBIN-C
by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 1:44 PM


Quoting momof2ex1:

You also have to consider (depending on your CO) that you could potentially lose those week
Days because of the Distance. Is it in the child's best interest to be traveling that far after school and before school 2-3 times a week multiply that on Thursday and Friday and Mondays?

No.

The best case scenario would be that he move an hour away but not change the children's school. If the drive is ok for you then he should have no issue doing it himself. If he changes schools without your permission, I would slap him with an injunction so fast, his head would spin.


Quoting orcawhales98:During school I would get her from Wed night to Mon morning.  So I have to pick her up from school Wed and pick and take her to school for Thurs, Fri, and then Mon.  So it is not like I am only making the trip 2 I would be making it 6 times.  I am sorry that is a lot of gas and a lot more where and tear on my car.  Why should I be the 1 to suffer because he was to move an hour away.  Plus i can't ask my exh because I don't want to get my DD in trouble because she tells me things.  Believe me it has happen before. 
Quoting ROBIN-C:Why don't simply ask your husband when he plans on moving and see what he says? For the rest of it I think your over reacting. An hour isn't that far/ 2 round trip twice every other weekend. And since he is the one moving propose that he meet you halfway.why over react before you even talk to him? You could look at it as an adventure instead of a negative! You check out the new city online and the drive BEFORE going to get daughter. Find something to stop to do on way home. A new restaurant or place of interest. Seriously you will only be alone for the ONE hour on way to get her and the ONE hour after you drop her off. It's really not a huge deal , yet you act like he is taking her out of the country!

In the OP it states she was only awarded EOWE. 

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