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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Gotta be honest...I'm SHOCKED!

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Maybe I live in la-la land but I am honest to God blown away by how many of you say the dad has primary custody of the kids. I was under the assumption that a bm had to basically be a cracked out, wh*re to lose custody. I personally don't know any mom who has lost custody of her kids to the father...but on here, it seems like it's every other post. Just struck me as odd.

by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 9:54 PM
Replies (171-179):
mandalyn74
by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 9:55 AM
1 mom liked this

It happened to my SIL.  She left her husband of 13 years and abandoned the kids.  She says he was abusive and she just had to get away.  But then when she decided to fight for them she lost. She doesn't even have visitation.  She has had drug problems and is pretty unstable, and claims he made up most of what came out in court.  I am sure the truth falls somewhere in the middle but the fact is she doesn't have her kids.  She has to pass a drug test to get visitation and so far that has not happened.

witchybabymomma
by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 11:35 AM

 In my area a good portion of the decision is about who can afford an attorney. Sad but true

fallenangel2320
by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 11:43 AM

only reason my ex has custody is i  was kicked out by my ex and our  son was living with him since he would not let me take him with me. friend of the court said that our son would end up in foster care if i tried to go for custody and i didn't want that for my son believe me i hate the fact that i only see my son every 3rd weekend it is not enough one weekend a month really sux!!!

NatesMomma312
by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 12:42 PM

 I completely agree with you and because of this post and a woman I recently met who is a non custodial parent. I'm now more aware that what I use to think, isn't the case in a lot of situations. I'm all for fathers raising their kids and am glad that it's not as hard for a father now to get custody.


Quoting whatIknownow:

 

well it's time to change that stereotype. There are lots of reasons that Moms dont' have custody. It doesn't mean she's a crack whore.

and I do think this post was  intended to pass judgment and bash noncustodial moms as a group, without taking into account that some of them just wanted what was best for their kids.

Quoting NatesMomma312:

 Let me start by saying my sister and I were raised by our father when our parents divorced, we were both under 5. So I'm all for father's raising their kids and I have always said how I find it sad that typically the only way a father gets custody is if the BM doesn't want the kids or is a Crack Whore. I don't think anyone is calling non custodial mom's crack whores. It's just a stereotype myself included have come to think is the case in all cases of mother's not having custody. I'm glad I came across this post because I have a feeling my son's father may follow through with his threats to fight me for custody of our 3 year old son. I think the best home is with which ever parent is best fit to care for the child, not just financially. I was a stay at home mom for most of my son's life so far and now I have a nanny job in which he goes to with me, we are currently renting a room from them until I get on my feet. But it would never make sense for his dad to have custody and him be in daycare full time. When he can be with me at home and work but I do want his dad involved in his life. It takes 2 people to make a baby, so no matter how much I hate his father, he is our child, not just mine. Our son loves his daddy, so what kind of mother would I be to deprive our son of having a relationship with his father? So point being the I don't feel this post was to pass judgment on anyone but just a mother saying she couldn't imagine not raising her kids or not having custody of them.

 

Quoting whatIknownow:

My husband has primary custdoy of his kids. And their mother is not a "cracked out whore." Honestly I find that highly offensive. 

My stepkids' mother gave custody to him when she was having trouble with poorly-controlled bipolar disorder. Which by the way, is an illness, not a personality flaw. After giving up custody, her symptoms improve and she has been working steadily for several years now, and is involved in her childrens' lives. They spend EOWE with her, and 2 weeks in the summer. The kids just got back from being with her and had a great time. She is their mother and they love her just as much as they would have if she had custody.

I would stop being so jugmental about people you don't even know. I can't imagine calling someone a crack whore for not having custody. Wow.

 

 

 

 


 

erina320
by on Aug. 7, 2013 at 12:34 AM
1 mom liked this

It's not that odd.

My father had full custody of me and my brothers back in the 1980's and my Mom was not a "cracked out whore." She was chronically ill and could not care for us.

lacie9905
by Member on Aug. 7, 2013 at 4:22 AM
1 mom liked this

I think that's true for a lot of areas. Not only sad but scary as well. 

Quoting witchybabymomma:

 In my area a good portion of the decision is about who can afford an attorney. Sad but true



tamzinsmommy
by on Aug. 8, 2013 at 9:21 AM
My daughters father has custody of his two oldest kids (15, 16) and has since they were 1 and 2.
TinyDancer428
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 6:58 PM
My parents divorced when my brother and I were younger. My Dad had custody of us and my Mom paid child support. She lived with her boyfriend and still does. We stayed with her every other weekend.

My husband and I have two daughter's and I could not imagine being away from them.
KRMomma
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 11:30 PM

 BM isn't a cracked out whore. Well not cracked out anyway. She's on her way to more baby daddy's than anyone I know, so I guess the other one speaks for itself.

She does however have several mental issues, violent past with domestic violence charges for assaulting DH and trying to stab him, CPS charges, Convicted of assault on a minor under 10 and endangering the welfare of a child. What pretty much sealed the deal was laying on the floor of the court room wailing like a lunatic and refusing to answer the lawyers or judges questions. They tend to frown upon that sort of thing. DH has sole legal and physical custody and BM gets 3 hours supervised once a week. She has zero contact with DSS outside of her 3 hours. That's by her choice.

 

Oh, her other kids were also taken by CPS 7 months ago. The likelihood of getting them back is slim. They gave her infant back for 3 weeks and than took her again because BM was unstable.

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