Now that I have your attention, this is the question for the SMs: Which situation is easier to deal with/handle
a) BM is alive and have 50/50 custody.
b) BM is alive and have full custody.
c) BM is alive and BF has primary custody.
d) BM is dead aka passed away, BF has full custody.
A friend of mine got married to a widower with 2 girls. She said it has been tough to forge a connection with the SDs since they are constantly mouring their BM and comparing her to the BM. In the SDs' minds, the BM was perfect and she was their dad's perfect match in every way. Any of you encounter the same situations? How did you deal with it?
The BM passed away 2 yrs before my friend started dating the BF. They dated roughly for 1 yr. They got married when the SDs were 7 and 9 and now the SDs are 9 and 11. I don't know when the BM and the BF got married or if the SDs are still closed to the BM's family. I know the BF still have contacts with the ex-in law even after his 2nd marriage with my friend.
UPDATE#2 the SDs are 10 and 12. They spend 1/2 day on 12/24 and 1/2 day on the day their mom's pass away with their BM's family.
Thanks for all the replies. My friend had a heart-to-heart talk with her SDs. They cried and then they laughed together. It's a good thing for my friend since she is pregnant with a twins. She doesn't need further distance and any more conflict with her SDs. I am sure the SDs will want to help when the babies come. I heard somewhere that new-born brings people together. That's what I am wishing for me friend.