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If it came from Oprah it must be true!!!!

Posted by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 12:27 AM
  • 156 Replies


What It Means to Be a Mother

By 

I admit that "mother" is overly glorified by our society. Reams of paper and reels of films have expressed the love of a mother. But as Oprah Winfrey says: "Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother." To be a mother, one needs to feel the love of a mother.

Whats your thoughts?



by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 12:27 AM
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Pero3
by Silver Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 2:51 AM
2 moms liked this

How many mothers (i.e. the ones who give birth) do you think don't feel that love? How many fathers (i.e. the ones who contribute their sperm to the mix) do you think don't feel that love?

We've got tons of posts on here about how SMs feel bad because they don't love their skids in the same way they love their own children ... just to be told "oh, *I* love my skid just like my own, yadidadida" ... insinuating that they must be a really shitty SM. And then they explore the forum a bit further, and they come across the "I love my skids as if they were my own, BUT ..." posts ... yup, the ones where those kids they love like their own are, with few exceptions, all lazy, dirty, unhygienic, developmentally delayed little buggers, who shit their pants, are disrespectful, have bad grades, and no friends ... because who could like a child like that ... well, apart from the SM who loves them like their own? Yup, their own are those little angels with tons of friends and excellent grades ... those kiddos who love nothing more than washing the dishes and scrubbing the floors, just to make mommy happy.

The process of giving birth makes you a mother .. not only because you "spread your legs and  pop out a sprog", but also because in most women it does trigger a mechanism which makes them protect, cherish and care for their children. Time will tell whether you are a good mother.

I wouldn't know whether you can feel the "love of a mother" if you haven't given birth of that child ... I'm actually struggling with the definition "love of a mother" per se ... how do you differentiate the "love of a mother" from your bog-standard love? How do you measure and quantify love? Do all mothers love the same? If I throw my child a birthday party and allow her to invite 10 kids, and SM throws a party as well and allows her to invite 20 kids, does that mean SM loves my child more than I do?

smluv88
by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 3:55 AM
1 mom liked this
All I can say is I do love my SS and I would not trade him for anything in the world. Not even to have my own. One kid is enough for me and I do love him as if he was my own. No ands ifs or buts about that.

I have been to hell and back for my SS and will do it all over again if I had to. I'm a full time SM and no one can speak how I feel when I say I love him as my own.

To be a mother you have to also play the mother role. Not all BM or SM do. In my case my SS mom does not know how to be a mom or have a connection with him. She has 2 other kids and has favored them over my SS.

To me that's not fair for a child to go through. Not only to have a mom run in and out his life, but to also feel unwanted by BM. Also to know he is her least favorite when he has done nothing but tried to please her. Her actions to my SS are not very motherly.

My SS is a wonderful kid. I couldn't ask for a better SK. I'm just glad he is with me and my DH. I understand this quote. What makes a mother is someone who acts like one. Does not mean you have to give birth to love a child that's not yours.

It's like saying someone who has adopted a kid that could not have any. Also may have a open adoption can't say they love that kid as there own cause they didn't give birth and don't know how it feels.

I get tired of people telling SM they don't know how it feels until they have there own. Most don't know how it feels to be a SM and feel this way when there not a full time SM. the ones who really love there SK do feel that way even some that have there own kid.

My Aunt is also raising 3 kids that are not hers cause someone thought she looked cute to be pregnate. But her going through the birth stage did not make her a mother. She didn't want them kids. So how does that make one a mother just cause one gives birth. That's just like a sergeant. Someone who carries a child that's not hers for someone who can't have kids. She gives birth to that child but does not make her the mother.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:06 AM

I love my SD, a LOT. My love for her is different than my love for my bio-children. It's not less, but it's most definitely different. My bond with her is different, not less, but different.

I've been in SD's life since she was 18 months old. I've been her SM since she was 2. I'm now her full time primary caretaker.

Saying I'm her SM and not her mom doesn't belittle our relationship any more than the fact that we have a strong relationship belittles her relationship with her mom. In fact, her counselor has said on numerous occasions that SD clearly views me as her "mom".

Being a SM isn't a bad thing. But, to continue to give the title "Step-mom" a bad meaning only makes things worse for SMs in general. Embrace being a SM. It doesn't make you a mom, it makes you a step-mom.

Moms have legal rights to their children above and beyond their marriage to dad. SM's have no legal rights to their step-kids beyond their marriage to dad. 


Quoting smluv88:

All I can say is I do love my SS and I would not trade him for anything in the world. Not even to have my own. One kid is enough for me and I do love him as if he was my own. No ands ifs or buts about that.

I have been to hell and back for my SS and will do it all over again if I had to. I'm a full time SM and no one can speak how I feel when I say I love him as my own.

To be a mother you have to also play the mother role. Not all BM or SM do. In my case my SS mom does not know how to be a mom or have a connection with him. She has 2 other kids and has favored them over my SS.

To me that's not fair for a child to go through. Not only to have a mom run in and out his life, but to also feel unwanted by BM. Also to know he is her least favorite when he has done nothing but tried to please her. Her actions to my SS are not very motherly.

My SS is a wonderful kid. I couldn't ask for a better SK. I'm just glad he is with me and my DH. I understand this quote. What makes a mother is someone who acts like one. Does not mean you have to give birth to love a child that's not yours.

It's like saying someone who has adopted a kid that could not have any. Also may have a open adoption can't say they love that kid as there own cause they didn't give birth and don't know how it feels.

There's a HUGE difference between adopting and being a step-parent. You have no legal rights to your step-child. Your husband can sign power of attorney and give you legal rights while you're married, rights to discuss the child with the school, with doctors, to seek medical treatment, etc. But, if your marriage ever ends (and lets be honest nearly 50% of marriages fail, for second marriages I believe that percentage is slightly higher) you lose any and all rights to that chlid. You have ZERO rights. Your only rights are what your spouse is willing to give you.

With adoption, those rights belong to the parent no matter what, unless they are found unfit and even then most parents are allowed some type of contact or visitation with their child.

Being a SM only gives you what rights your husband wants to give you while you are married.


I get tired of people telling SM they don't know how it feels until they have there own. Most don't know how it feels to be a SM and feel this way when there not a full time SM. the ones who really love there SK do feel that way even some that have there own kid.

My Aunt is also raising 3 kids that are not hers cause someone thought she looked cute to be pregnate. But her going through the birth stage did not make her a mother. She didn't want them kids. So how does that make one a mother just cause one gives birth. That's just like a sergeant. Someone who carries a child that's not hers for someone who can't have kids. She gives birth to that child but does not make her the mother.



baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:33 AM
3 moms liked this

Her version of mothering is to have dogs. So yeah, then there's that.

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:36 AM
3 moms liked this
Oprah has no children and her relationship with mother was far from ideal hence her perspective.
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whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:37 AM
1 mom liked this

All the biological mothers I have ever met, feel the "Love of a mother."  so I am not sure what the point of this post is.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:38 AM

Quoting leegirl_jm:

Oprah has no children and her relationship with mother was far from ideal hence her perspective.

That's a good point. She is a non-mother so maybe she doesnt' really get it. I have seen lots of non-mother SMs say similar things.
teaching_kids
by Bronze Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:46 AM
1 mom liked this
She has some stuff going on with her own mother... That's what this actually is.
teaching_kids
by Bronze Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:50 AM
1 mom liked this
However, not all mothers were meant to be mothers.
soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 7:45 AM
2 moms liked this

Oprah isn't a mother so she has no idea what being a mother is about. She is no different than a childless SM coming on here and saying she loves her SK as her own. You can't speak from experiance you may love that kid a lot but you have no idea. She isn't a mother she can see a lot of mother, have a mother herself, but she isn't one she has no idea.

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