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If it came from Oprah it must be true!!!!

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What It Means to Be a Mother

By 

I admit that "mother" is overly glorified by our society. Reams of paper and reels of films have expressed the love of a mother. But as Oprah Winfrey says: "Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother." To be a mother, one needs to feel the love of a mother.

Whats your thoughts?



by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 12:27 AM
Replies (151-156):
Wicked.Jester
by on Aug. 7, 2013 at 7:54 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh for fucks sake....yes it makes the technical defintion of a mother apply to you.

But it does not make you define the spirit of what it means to be a mother.

What the fuck is wrong with you?  Why did you bother in the first place, and get so bitchy over something so fucking stupid?  What a completely useless, irrelevant argument.

You have issues, seriously.  

Quoting whatIknownow:


That is my point. Get it? biology DOES make you a mother. It doesn't make you a GOOD mother, you can still be a bad mother - but, still a mother.

Is that clear enough for you?

Quoting Wicked.Jester:

Way to miss the larger point.  But ok.  Since you insist on having fun with semantics.

Of course there are bad mothers.  You can be a horrible mother and NOT abuse, neglect, or abandon your children. 

Mothers who raise their kids to be racists, for example, bad mothers.  But they are not abusing, neglecting, nor abandoning their children.

Is that clear enough for you?  

Quoting whatIknownow:

You said blood doesnt' make you a mother, that women who neglect or abuse their children are not mothers.

So there must not be such a thing as a bad mother, right?



SMInProgress
by on Aug. 7, 2013 at 7:59 PM
1 mom liked this

And welcome to SMC. It's mind boggling :) 

Quoting Wicked.Jester:

Oh for fucks sake....yes it makes the technical defintion of a mother apply to you.

But it does not make you define the spirit of what it means to be a mother.

What the fuck is wrong with you?  Why did you bother in the first place, and get so bitchy over something so fucking stupid?  What a completely useless, irrelevant argument.

You have issues, seriously.  

Quoting whatIknownow:


That is my point. Get it? biology DOES make you a mother. It doesn't make you a GOOD mother, you can still be a bad mother - but, still a mother.

Is that clear enough for you?

Quoting Wicked.Jester:

Way to miss the larger point.  But ok.  Since you insist on having fun with semantics.

Of course there are bad mothers.  You can be a horrible mother and NOT abuse, neglect, or abandon your children. 

Mothers who raise their kids to be racists, for example, bad mothers.  But they are not abusing, neglecting, nor abandoning their children.

Is that clear enough for you?  

Quoting whatIknownow:

You said blood doesnt' make you a mother, that women who neglect or abuse their children are not mothers.

So there must not be such a thing as a bad mother, right?




theshanster17
by Bronze Member on Aug. 7, 2013 at 9:38 PM
1 mom liked this



Quoting newstepmom61811:

All this talk about imprinting...OF COURSE mothers and children are SUPPOSED to imprint on one another to establish recognition, mutual desire, care, and hopefully trust...from there it becomese LEARNED...and that is where attachment becomes normal or pathologic and all the attachment disorders come in...they are learned behaviors often due to pathologic patterns of attachment in infancy by the parents...neglect, abuse, narcissism...the child's needs are not appropriately met so they develop pathologic patterns of attachment...THERE IS MORE THAN MERE BIOLOGY...there IS nuture and learned behavior...kids CAN be damaged by parents, they CAN love others than their parents in a parental role...there are many here who are adults and have said they have loved a nonbiologic person in their lives in the role of a parent...I understand why this would be deeply hard for mothers who have invested all in their biological children to hear but that is the reality...scientific, psychologic, and sociologic...the caveat is, if you're a good mom who takes good care of your kids...this isn't a worry...


I also agree with this.

My friend shares her children's biology, but she did not carry them. She had a surrogate (only for her twins, she carried her older child). Still, they share genes. What about this imprinting when it comes to the woman who is their biological mother but did not actually birth them?

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Aug. 7, 2013 at 10:14 PM

OK. Let me see  if I can help you understand.

When you post the cliche "biology doesn't make you a mother", people will disagree with you. Because actually, biology *does* make you a mother. And they will argue that point. But what you really mean is, biology doesn't make you a GOOD mother. And see, if you state it that way, pretty much everyone will agree with you.

Does that help?

Think you can tone down the hostility now and have a reasonable conversation? Without insults? 

Remember - when you jump to insults, you have lost the argument.


Quoting Wicked.Jester:

Oh for fucks sake....yes it makes the technical defintion of a mother apply to you.

But it does not make you define the spirit of what it means to be a mother.

What the fuck is wrong with you?  Why did you bother in the first place, and get so bitchy over something so fucking stupid?  What a completely useless, irrelevant argument.

You have issues, seriously.  

Quoting whatIknownow:


That is my point. Get it? biology DOES make you a mother. It doesn't make you a GOOD mother, you can still be a bad mother - but, still a mother.

Is that clear enough for you?

Quoting Wicked.Jester:

Way to miss the larger point.  But ok.  Since you insist on having fun with semantics.

Of course there are bad mothers.  You can be a horrible mother and NOT abuse, neglect, or abandon your children. 

Mothers who raise their kids to be racists, for example, bad mothers.  But they are not abusing, neglecting, nor abandoning their children.

Is that clear enough for you?  

Quoting whatIknownow:

You said blood doesnt' make you a mother, that women who neglect or abuse their children are not mothers.

So there must not be such a thing as a bad mother, right?





Wicked.Jester
by on Aug. 8, 2013 at 8:41 AM

Actually no one argued with me or questioned me about it but YOU.  So I don't think you speak for the majority here.  To everyone else but you, it seems, the sentiment of what I was saying was clear from the beginning.  

And please, don't counsel me on response demeanor when you approached this as a sarcastic bitch from the start.  You get what you give.  So perhaps you shouldn't nitpick at stupid shit, reply after reply, and there will be no hostility.

Now this conversation IS over....because you seem to live for arguing about pointless, stupid shit and I don't.

Quoting whatIknownow:

OK. Let me see  if I can help you understand.

When you post the cliche "biology doesn't make you a mother", people will disagree with you. Because actually, biology *does* make you a mother. And they will argue that point. But what you really mean is, biology doesn't make you a GOOD mother. And see, if you state it that way, pretty much everyone will agree with you.

Does that help?

Think you can tone down the hostility now and have a reasonable conversation? Without insults? 

Remember - when you jump to insults, you have lost the argument.



whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Aug. 8, 2013 at 8:49 AM


OK. well, think about it. Maybe it will sink in.

Quoting Wicked.Jester:

Actually no one argued with me or questioned me about it but YOU.  So I don't think you speak for the majority here.  To everyone else but you, it seems, the sentiment of what I was saying was clear from the beginning.  

And please, don't counsel me on response demeanor when you approached this as a sarcastic bitch from the start.  You get what you give.  So perhaps you shouldn't nitpick at stupid shit, reply after reply, and there will be no hostility.

Now this conversation IS over....because you seem to live for arguing about pointless, stupid shit and I don't.

Quoting whatIknownow:

OK. Let me see  if I can help you understand.

When you post the cliche "biology doesn't make you a mother", people will disagree with you. Because actually, biology *does* make you a mother. And they will argue that point. But what you really mean is, biology doesn't make you a GOOD mother. And see, if you state it that way, pretty much everyone will agree with you.

Does that help?

Think you can tone down the hostility now and have a reasonable conversation? Without insults? 

Remember - when you jump to insults, you have lost the argument.





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