Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Pitching in for home improvements?

Posted by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 12:59 PM
  • 8 Replies

I moved in with SO and SD6 unofficially in February and officially in June. I decided to rent out my house instead of sell so I currently have tenants in my house.

Based on the fact that SO put so much money down on the house he purchased in February (for us to live in together) our combined household bills are very reasonable and much more affordable than what I was paying when I was living alone. I am also making a profit on my rental.

Lately SO has been talking about doing some home improvements (patio, hard wood floors, etc). Although he always says that "he" has to decide what to do and "he" wants to pay the best price, etc. I feel partially like I should offer to chip in, especially since his investment in the house has reduced my monthly expenses so dramatically.

HOWEVER, we are not married yet (or engaged) which means I have no right to the house or anything in it if (god forbid) things didn't work out I would have invested money I could never get back. I remember when my cousin contributed to a house that didn't belong to her I told her she was crazy. That she should wait until she and the BF were at least engaged.... as it turned out, they broke up and she was caught in a situation where she had contributed a significant amount to home improvements but she never saw any of that money again. Although since I'm fairly certain that a proposal is coming soon, perhaps I should just wait until that happens before I make the overture? Thoughts? 

by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 12:59 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-8):
pepper504
by Gold Member on Aug. 14, 2013 at 1:03 PM

How it is here, if you keep all receipts showing what you put into the house, you should get that back from your SO should y'all split.  Of course, you'll have to go to court and incur those costs, but other than that, you'll get reimbursed. Just have to prove/show the amount that you contributed.

LoveMy2x4
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 1:05 PM
4 moms liked this

If he isnt expecting you or asking you to contribute, than I wouldnt. 

Instead of feeling guilty, you can pay for something special for the 2 of you to do; such as a weekend getaway.

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Aug. 14, 2013 at 1:06 PM
1 mom liked this
I would personally not contribute to it until you are married.


I would also keep your money and bills separate.
TS9509
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 1:10 PM
I agree!

Also if you feel a proposal coming soon why not put that money away for the wedding or even into a retirement fund.


Quoting LoveMy2x4:

If he isnt expecting you or asking you to contribute, than I wouldnt. 

Instead of feeling guilty, you can pay for something special for the 2 of you to do; such as a weekend getaway.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
FindersKeepers
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 1:19 PM
2 moms liked this

If he has not asked you to contribute then I would not.   Maybe you can help the household with non-permanent items like furniture or low-cost updates like paint, window treatments.   Basically just things that you would do if you were a renter anyway.   That way if, it doesn't work out (god forbid), you have behaved the way you would in any rental situation and have financially protected yourself.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2013 at 1:39 PM

 i would not. it is HIS house. likewise, i wouldnt expect anything from him regarding your home. now, when you marry and have rights to each others houses, then you both should discuss it.

keri5374
by Member on Aug. 16, 2013 at 7:05 PM

Great feedback ladies. I'm going to follow my gut (and yours) and put my money toward other things until we take the big step. I already contributed to window treatments etc and will continue to pitch in on some of the small stuff. Thanks for the responses!!

spicy0425
by Silver Member on Aug. 16, 2013 at 7:30 PM

I've seen the same situation on Judge Judy the other day. Sorry, if you are not married and you live together, when you break up, there is nothing the court can do.  If his house is not broken nor in dire need of a major repair. I think waiting until you guys are officially "permanent" and then make that change.

I have to say. If he asked you to move in just a few months and then propose the idea of improvement while not getting married, I'd say I am not thrilled. But don't listen to me. You just need to do what is best for you without taking advantage of him. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)