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At what age do you allow the kid to have a say in where he/she wants to be?

Posted by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 6:26 PM
  • 36 Replies

I was talking to the moms at SDs' old school. It dawns on me that some of the kids told their mom/dad that they don't like the custody arrangement anymore. They want to come back to one house more than the other. These kids are in their teen 13-15.  One girl asked her mom if she could stay with her mom more and not going to her dad during the week day.

What do you think? When can the kid have a say in where they want to be for any specific day? Can they jump to one house if the other house doesn't give them what they want?  Any body in this situation knows how to make it work?

UPDATE #1 - Let us this scenario - both houses provides equally safe environment for the step kids.

by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 6:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lnr187
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 6:30 PM
1 mom liked this

here they can legally decide at 12. however, i think it depends on the situation. if the other household is not safe or healthy or there are any serious concerns, i think it is your job as a parent to keep your child where they are safe. if both houses are perfectly fine and there are no worries, then maybe let the kid have a little extra time at the house of their choosing. i can't say a specific age. it would depend on the child and their maturity. and their reasons for wanting to spend more time at the other house. ie "op lets me eat junk food all day long" is not a legitimate reason.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2013 at 6:33 PM
2 moms liked this

I think around 15 is when both sets of parents need to ease up and start letting the kid develop its own life. Everyone thinks they have complete control till 18. They will find out differently.

LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Aug. 14, 2013 at 6:34 PM
3 moms liked this

Children ulimately NEVER decide these things.  Their opinions and feelings can be taken into account by their parents and if they are civil, a new agreement may be struck between the parties.  Legally, various courts operate under a variety of ages, so you should check the laws in your state/county/jurisdiction to determine what the standard is; however, the judge will merely take the opinion of a child under advisement - the CHILD never decides.  The "children" decide where they want to live when they are capable to provide for themselves.

Gr521
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 6:37 PM

Around 15-16 we started letting the kids have a say but it was only in trade for other times. Say he wanted to stay the night at a friends or was going to a family function with his dad, I'd say ok but I will trade for another night/weekend that I wouldn't have normally. One son cancelled on me 3 visitation weekends in a row due to school activities/friends/functions, etc (we have 50/50 custody and alternate weeks), so I told him no more. He will have to schedule some of them on his dads time. Give an inch and they take a mile. Lol. 

There were times they wanted more time in the week at one house but it would change and they would want the other for awhile. This is ALL only contingent if the other parent is ok with it. If not, then just keep it to the CO. 

lnr187
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 6:40 PM

 this is true.

Quoting LyndaLoo78:

Children ulimately NEVER decide these things.  Their opinions and feelings can be taken into accunt by their parents and if they are civil, a new agreement may be struck between the parties.  Legally, various courts operate under a variety of ages, so you should check the laws in your state/county/jurisdiction to what the standard is; however, the judge will merely take the opinion of a child under advisement - the CHILD never decides.  The "children" decide where they want to live when they are capable to provide for themselves.

 

SMInProgress
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 6:47 PM

As young as 13-14 in my state. There are other states as young as 12. But that involves a lot of court & the child gets a law gaurdian prior to going to court.

cLanief
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 6:51 PM
Imo ill let my kids decide when theyre about 12-13 unless it has to do with 1 parent being more lenient than the other.. in that situation they get whatever me and x decide.
MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Aug. 14, 2013 at 7:01 PM

In our state, it's 12.

packermomof2
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 8:59 PM

Mine decided at 9 and 7.  And their father let them.

DDDaysh
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 9:10 PM
1 mom liked this

They can have "a say" at any time, that does not mean the parents are bound to follow the child's wishes.  They can actually make the final choice about it when they turn 18.  

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