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SS does not want to go home

Posted by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 1:44 PM
  • 67 Replies
My ss6 is begging us not to send him back to his mom's. I respect his mom and would not want to tell her this(even though he apparently has told her, and she told him he HAS to live with her). BM's situation isn't the best, but I know she loves him and is doing the best she can do to support him. She works nights, so when he is with her, she leaves after dinner and doesn't get home until early the next morning. Basically, he's only with her from the time he gets off the bus(4pm) until she leaves for work(around 7pm). He bounces from grandparents' to sitters' while she's at work. His dad and I have 4 kids all together, but our home is stable. I am a SAHM and he works until 5pm and is home with us rest of the day/night. We kind of want to fight for custody, but I know that would not settle well with her. Currently, we get him EOWE, every other holiday, a week for winter break, and all summer(during that him he sees her EOWE). Opinions? I hate to hear him beg us not to send him to his mom.
by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 1:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 1:48 PM

How close do you guys live to her?  What about getting a ROFR so that he's with your DH instead of a sitter rather than trying to overturn custody?  If it then turns out that he's basically sleeping at your house every night, you'd have a stronger case for custody later, but right now it wouldn't seem like it's a serious attack on her.  

Besides, most of the timet here has to be a material change in circumstance to change who has custody.  Nothing you've said sounds like there's been one.   

Right now you guys mostly have him for "fun time", so I wouldn't put too much stock in the "begging not to go back".  It's normal for the kid to associate you guys with fun, and her house with routine and school and all that, which is going to automatically color his opinions.  

evilangel198431
by Member on Aug. 16, 2013 at 1:49 PM
well she isn't with him enough. Kids need time with their parents. We are having the same issue with my 9 yr old step son and his mom won't even hear what he has to say. She just tells him she takes better care of him than we do.
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care_free
by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 1:54 PM

The ROFR idea is a good one. I will have to look into that.

LoveMy2x4
by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 1:56 PM

Even if you dont get the ROFR (which I think you should), you can also try to add in one over night a week. That at least makes it so he doesnt go so long without seeing his Dad

GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Aug. 16, 2013 at 1:56 PM
3 moms liked this

Maybe she should quit her job, file for assistance and file for more CS so she can be a SAHM too?

care_free
by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 1:56 PM

And we live about 15 minutes from her....

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Aug. 16, 2013 at 2:00 PM

 ugh dude. i could have been BM. when i was single a few years back i had to work nights. it was that or swings. nights i was there when they kids got home, spent all afternoon w them and put them to bed at my parents. in the morning i went home and went to bed and my dad got them to school. my kids had no issue, in fact they loved being at my parents and are very close to them. im glad my kids dad never had a wife and thought he should take custody. but then again their dad liked his kid free life w his ex wife, and now likes his kid free life living w his kid free single sisters (their kids are grown)

care_free
by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 2:03 PM


Quoting GlockMom:

Maybe she should quit her job, file for assistance and file for more CS so she can be a SAHM too?


BM didn't start working until recently. Before that, she got all the state assistance she could and lived off that and CS. She lives with her mom and dad. Maybe she should find a day job while he's at school. I am a SAHM because financially, I don't have to work. It would cost more to send my youngest two to daycare and pay for afterschool for the others...(When they go to school then I'll get a day job. But I like spending time with them while they are young)...

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Aug. 16, 2013 at 2:07 PM

 also i had weekends off. so they were w me on the weekends. per our court order my kids dad was to ahve them the first three weekends a month fri-sun and dinner visit tues and thurs but he NEVER did the dinner visit and he moved away after a few years so didnt take his weekends. he ame approximately once a month when they were younger, and every few months id drop them off on the way to visit my sister. i moved a few hours further away in 2006 so now he calls a few times a week and sees them every few months. they are 18 and 15 now. they turned out fine despite the fact i worked nights for years.

newstepmom61811
by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 2:08 PM
6 moms liked this

Why don't you go for custody? Simple...the parents are divorced, both working...you may be a SAHM, that's great, handle the kids YOU have with DH...this kid, repeat after me...IS NOT YOUR KID TO RAISE...HE HAS A WORKING MOM...and you know what...she happens to have childcare...rather that it be you, it is grandparents, her AND HIS blood family...

The kid sleeps at night...so BOTH SHE and DAD would not miss anything at night...she sees him nightly from 4-7...that's at least 15 hours a week...dad works until at least 5...by the time he gets home...he might get three hours a night too before bedtime...so that's also 15 hours a week dad would get...he would provide NO MORE than she does right now...it's just NOT YOU providing the care...worry about your own kids, mom has this handled with HERS.

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