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Discipline-how is it handled in your home

Posted by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 2:48 PM
  • 20 Replies

How do you and your dh handle discipline for the children? 

I have 5 skids and had to discipline one recently and his dad talked with him about the situation and my ss says that his dad says he doesnt have to be on punishment if he does this or that...I told him until I talk to his dad then what i say stands..you were misbehaving with me not him so I set the punishment. Seem fair to you? Do you both decide punishment? 


by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 2:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Aug. 16, 2013 at 2:54 PM

 we will verbally correct each others kids but do the heavy shit to our own kids.

i do treat everyone equally but dont subscribe to exact same expectations to all the kids. they all dont live her ALL the time and mine are a lot older than his.

GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Aug. 16, 2013 at 2:55 PM

I didn't punish my skids.  If they did wrong on my watch they were sent to their rooms and dad dealt with them when he got home.  Other than sending them to their rooms I did no punishments. 

LoveMy2x4
by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 2:55 PM
1 mom liked this

I dont punish my skids. If one does something wrong I tell them to stop. The older 3 listen to that. The youngest likes to argue. Sometimes I will have to yell at her, but Ive never given her a punishment. 

If I were alone with her for an extended period of time, I might send her to her room to calm down a bit. Other than that, I just let SO handle it.

DDDaysh
by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 3:00 PM

It's a bad precedent to start trying to discipline around the bioparent.  If you and the bioparent disagree, the bioparent wins, plain and simple, since the kid is basically not going to give a shit about what you say.  

ArlieBeeMee
by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 3:00 PM
I don't spank.. He does.. If its a huge thing we go off an talk about it first then come back when we agree.. Small things are per who ever sees them..
mrscbrown2011
by Member on Aug. 16, 2013 at 4:01 PM

I know each situation is different, and it works. I have 5 skids..df has full custody so there is no bm involved..etc. My punishment for our kiddos is just taking away electronics, extra chores, no physical discipline...I have to talk really firm to the youngest, but he knows if physical discipline is needed his dad will handle, but know I have permission if needed, but dont like to. Except when it comes to my own son, he is disciplined just like the rest by DF..he is basically his father (allow this, because I know he will do anything to hurt him, etc.) besides most of our kiddos are teens so spankings arent something we feel is necessary because its useless really. 

But I guess what I am thinking is I gave a punishment out and ss seems to thinks its not in effect if he does what his dad says and thats fine, but DF never talk to me about it. 

I wish I could just send my kiddos to their room and let him dea with it all but I try to handle the situations, especially if its light so there is less stress on DF....but we are on agreement with how they are to act, and with discipline...I am with the kids 24/7 I do everything a mom is suppose to do and more, so I expect respect, good behavior...will not allow back talk, etc. its just something I allow it. All kids should be respective, I have kids that are friends of my kiddos who come over and yes they know the rules and know not to be disrespective, if I catch them I let them know..

DDDaysh
by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 4:09 PM

But you can only handle parenting his kid for him IF his kid goes for it.  

If not, it's always going to end up back on Dad anyway because compliance is always voluntary.  You only have as much authority over a child as he/she gives you.  This child seems to be telling you that he believes all authority rests with Dad, so you're giong to just have to deal with it.  

Dad can double punnish him for not listening to you, and by doing so try to convince the kid to give you authority, but he can't actually make that happen.  

Quoting mrscbrown2011:

I know each situation is different, and it works. I have 5 skids..df has full custody so there is no bm involved..etc. My punishment for our kiddos is just taking away electronics, extra chores, no physical discipline...I have to talk really firm to the youngest, but he knows if physical discipline is needed his dad will handle, but know I have permission if needed, but dont like to. Except when it comes to my own son, he is disciplined just like the rest by DF..he is basically his father (allow this, because I know he will do anything to hurt him, etc.) besides most of our kiddos are teens so spankings arent something we feel is necessary because its useless really. 

But I guess what I am thinking is I gave a punishment out and ss seems to thinks its not in effect if he does what his dad says and thats fine, but DF never talk to me about it. 

I wish I could just send my kiddos to their room and let him dea with it all but I try to handle the situations, especially if its light so there is less stress on DF....but we are on agreement with how they are to act, and with discipline...I am with the kids 24/7 I do everything a mom is suppose to do and more, so I expect respect, good behavior...will not allow back talk, etc. its just something I allow it. All kids should be respective, I have kids that are friends of my kiddos who come over and yes they know the rules and know not to be disrespective, if I catch them I let them know..


teaching_kids
by Bronze Member on Aug. 16, 2013 at 4:09 PM
2 moms liked this
What we do -may not work for everyone but I absolutely refuse to live my adult life "tip toeing" around anyone's child.
I have full & equal disciplining power with my SD and she knows this as her father has made this crystal clear to her early on- yet we have "house rules and family values" that lead so there is never a time where I would ever hear "dad said" differently because my husband and I and both kids sat down and we all created our house rules and family values.
This has been extremely helpful and completely removes any weirdness and gives us a lot of freedom

teaching_kids
by Bronze Member on Aug. 16, 2013 at 4:18 PM
3 moms liked this
I discipline in front of my husband all the time. He would never argue with me in front of my SD. That would be terrible parenting 101.

No parent should ever do that in front of the child.

In our house, if I think my husband is too harsh, or if he thinks I'm too harsh- we wait until we are alone later discuss and if we need to- we would have a conversation with the child (either my son or his daughter) the next day.
Whoever was too harsh would lead and say "I might have been too harsh"

We haven't had to do that. But we have an agreement that I that should ever happen-that's how we would handle it.

Otherwise, we're not representing a united front.



Quoting DDDaysh:

It's a bad precedent to start trying to discipline around the bioparent.  If you and the bioparent disagree, the bioparent wins, plain and simple, since the kid is basically not going to give a shit about what you say.  


mom2boys664
by Bronze Member on Aug. 16, 2013 at 4:20 PM
Dh is the disciplinarian in our house, for skids and ds (who is dh's skid). I support dh and enforce the same rules, and occasionally hand out time outs or loss of a privilege, but mostly dad does it.
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