UPDATE: SD's first appt went well and she will be going back. DH typed out a timeline of where the kids lived at what points for the therapist. Unfortunately, DH couldn't go to the appt so I went in to speak to the therapist before hand. I told SD about the timeline and also told her I would mention some other concerns and she didn't ask what or even seem to care. I gave the therapist the 5 minute run down and, oh my gosh, the look on her face said it all. I think she will be a good match for SD. After the appt the therapist asked if she wanted to come back and gave me the "mom look" suggesting she should so we set up the next appt. I was most surprised about the trip home, SD talked the whole way. On the way out of the office, to make her understand that I believe therapy CAN help, I mentioned that both me and my son see docs in the same office. And she was so interested in why other people go to therapy- she literally talked for the whole 30 minutes home, given it wasn't about herself or her appt, but I think it was a positive sign that she left therapy feeling bright! Also due to a surprise c-section (for me) it fell on the same day as her next appt, I could tell just the thought that she couldn't go to the appt bothered her... when I told her I had already rescheduled it for only 6 days later you woulda thought I had bought her diamonds!!!! .....................................................Sorry my CM is all jacked up and won't let me space or make paragraphs- orignal post is below.................................................................
Backstory- DH is raising his ex-wifes 2 teens. He met them when they were 1 and 2 so they grew up with him being Dad. Mom left when kids were 12ish and kids lived with DH with almost no contact with mom. Mom came back 2 years ago and took kids to TX, BM died in May and kids came back here.
Ok, now the question. SD is 16 and said she feels depressed so we called and got her in with a therapist- she starts next week. DH and I are unsure what to do or say to the therapist. I was told when I set up the appt that normally the family or just the parents meet with the therapist briefly to discuss "issues" or "goals." I think the therapist needs to be told by DH about the "timeline" of when the kids lived where because they are constantly mixing up facts (saying things like didn't I meet you when i was 5?- and I think that the timeline plays a large factor in "how the kids were raised"). We also want to tell the therapist about some of the things we know happened while SD was living with BM and also the 22 year old MALE caregiver. We think a lot of issues stem from both of those situations. But we don't want SD to feel like we "ratted her out" but I don't know if she will open up about either of those topics. Right now she is in the "BM was a saint" stage of grief and I understand it is normal, but again it won't be productive to therapy. DH and I are in this together, and tend to agree that we need to talk to the therapist but we don't want to interfere too much with SD's appt. So what would you do? Some of the BM issues we are talking about is prostitution, leaving kids for days at a time, drugs, child services taking the kids, blaming a still birth on "wasting time trying to get her kids back from child services".... just so you know we aren't talking "mommy made me do the dishes" issues.
on Aug. 17, 2013 at 6:09 PM