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Maybe I'm just an idiot but how does 50/50 work when...

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 10:46 PM
  • 18 Replies

you have schoolage children?

What about when you are the residential parent for school placement purposes & he lives in another school district?

What about when you have the M-F 7:30-4:30 job & his job is fast food manager & his schedule could change at any time? 

What about when his place is a 2 bedroom apartment that he shares with his gf of almost 5 years & their 2 year old son? 

Not saying this is going to happen (ex didn't even fight for custody when we divorced & I think part of it was because he didn't have a lawyer so he had no clue).

Just wondered how others make it work for future reference (if he ever wanted to fight for it).

by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 10:46 PM
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aeELE
by Bronze Member on Aug. 17, 2013 at 11:09 PM
We aren't living it yet, as SS is only 3, but we believe that nothing will really change from how things are w preschool/daycare.

On our days one of us will drop him off in the am and one of us will pick him up when school lets out. On BM's days she will arrange pickups and drop offs. He'll go to school in his mother's district- she is residential as she kept the marital home (it belongs to her parents).

I hadn't planned on raising children in our city, but we aren't looking for any less time, and I can't imagine BM would be, so I'm committed to this city for the next 15.

I don't think the number of bedrooms matters, so long as there is an adequate place to sleep. Kids share rooms in lots of families.
For us, we would like to move to a larger home, and let SS continue to have his own room, when we add to our family- but you never know what the future my hold...
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 10:08 AM


My responses in green

Quoting CampClan:

you have schoolage children?My now DH and BM did it for years.  And there are variations on 50/50 that do not include a weekday swap, rather weekends plus holidays plus summers.  

What about when you are the residential parent for school placement purposes & he lives in another school district? Some COs will state that the kids have to be kept in the same school district unless both parties agree to a switch.  In our case, that meant that if we or BM chose to move into another district, we'd still have to get the kids to their normal school.  OR, when we were thinking about moving, it meant that BM had to agree to change their school district/move to the same area as us. 

What about when you have the M-F 7:30-4:30 job & his job is fast food manager & his schedule could change at any time? IMHO, in every parenting pair, there's a "buck stops here" person.  In a 50/50 that still occurs.  In the situation you describe, he'd either A) have to modify his schedule to accommodate the kids' activities B) get his girlfriend to help him C) would drop them back to you and you'd have to handle things as the "buck stops here" parent.  In my experience, even in a 50/50, there's still a home that is the home that handles change, crisis, last minute, and bottom line stuff.  

What about when his place is a 2 bedroom apartment that he shares with his gf of almost 5 years & their 2 year old son? Kids can share rooms.  But I would suspect that if you all went back to court to revise custody, the magistrate or judge would inquire about housing for the kids.  

Not saying this is going to happen (ex didn't even fight for custody when we divorced & I think part of it was because he didn't have a lawyer so he had no clue).

Just wondered how others make it work for future reference (if he ever wanted to fight for it).



Leigh84
by Silver Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 11:09 AM
Idk your sitch seems a little trickier than mine but my DH is the cp he has full custody but lets BM get the sk's EOW. So she takes them to/from school when she has them but she doesn't live very far from us either. She has a 3 bedroom apartment that her DH and their 2 kids share. When my 2 SS's are w/her they share a room w/their half brother. Her daughter (their half sister) has her own room since she's the only girl.
DDDaysh
by on Aug. 18, 2013 at 1:02 PM

Why worry about it?  He'd have to do more than just say, "I want 50/50."  

This kind of thing just makes you focus on the things you dislike about his life, and that's NEVER a good thing to dwell on.  

lnr187
by on Aug. 18, 2013 at 1:45 PM

 well her would have to provide transportation for the kids to get to school on his days if they're in your district. he would probably want sm to watch the kids if he was at work, but you can reques Right of First Refusal, so that anytime he is not available (over a certain amount of time, usually 3 or 4 hours) then they are with you instead of another sitter. each kid needs their own bed, but not necessarily their own bedroom. sharing bedrooms would depend on age and gender, obviously.

lnr187
by on Aug. 18, 2013 at 1:45 PM

 how does he take them now if he's in a 2 bedroom? don't you have 4 or 5 kids?

Eyelashes23
by Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 1:58 PM
My bf has always had 50/50. His son is 9. They have their son 5 days n then switch. They both have jobs that allows them to drop off and pick their son up. Their son has been in daycare and school in the same district where they lived when they were married. BM lives and works about 25 minutes away in car from the school. She also takes public transportation sometimes. My bf works around his son school. On weekends when they have to pick and drop of the kid, either one does it. If she cant pick him up because shes working late she will ask him to take him to her job. My bf has always had a two bedroom. BM lives with her parents and their son sleeps in her room when he's over there.
CampClan
by Bronze Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 2:06 PM

*I* have 5 kids (my oldest is not his biologically) WE have 4 kids together (2 girls ages 13 & 12 & 2 boys ages 10 & 4). He does not take them over nights ATM because of his work schedule. The last time he took any of them over night it was back in June when the girls were on vacation with my parents. He took the boys over night (he opened Friday & had Saturday off). The boys said they slept on the floor in the living room.

Quoting lnr187:

 how does he take them now if he's in a 2 bedroom? don't you have 4 or 5 kids?


thecubanator
by Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 3:01 PM

My ss is in 3rd grade & we also have 50/50 custody. We exchange custody every Friday after school. One parent will drop him off at school on Friday morning and then the other parent will pick him up and begin their week with him until the following Friday. So far it has worked out really well. On days when there is no school we meet up inbetween the two houses and do drop on Friday mornings. Both BM & I are stay at home moms so we don't have to worry about work schedules. SS does share a room with a younger sibling at both houses and he doesn't have a problem with it (except for normal s/he took my toys...)

As far as school district, he goes to a school in our district. When it came time for school, BM had already planned on moving from her current location to a new one so it was decided that ss would attend school in our district. It hasn't been an issue for the past 4 years and we help eachother out as needed in case something comes up.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 3:08 PM
With all that you have given, 50/50 would not be an option for me. I know people that do 50/50 but they live very close to each other in the same school area. The kids have their own rooms at each home. They are not visiting either home. Each home is their home and they have their own space. You can get close to 50/50 by doing one night a week and every other weekend with two school nights included. But 50/50 would not work for me with the circumstances you provide.
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