My boyfriend has three kids, one of whom lives with us now. Another is going to college, but still has a lot of demands. The youngest visits often and is, quite frankly, a brat who has learned that if he pitches a fit, he gets his way. (Not with me, though!)
Please, don't get me wrong, though I am going to come across as resentful and angry - I do love the kids. The problem is that I am losing myself in the process of learning how to do this parenting thing.I don't know where to draw the line between "I love you and want to do things for you" and "I am not your mother!"
I had a meltdown Friday and stayed in bed crying from 2 p.m. until 9 the next morning. Phillip and I talked and when he asked what he could do to help, I asked him to help me define my role in this new dynamic. His response was to ask me what I want my role to look like. It was a good question and one I don't have an answer for.
I know what I want is for the child who lives here to clean up after herself, to stop asking where I am going every two minutes, to ask her mother or father for new clothes, to stay out of my room when I am trying to sleep, to get out of my office when I am working (I work from home, which no longer seems like a great perk of my job), to stop acting as if I am her personal entertainment arranger, and to stop obsessing about food because she is eating us out of house and home.
Honestly, at this point, I just want the little boy to go away. He is beyond challenging and I am starting to resent him deeply.He whines. He cries. He sulks. He has no respect for rules. He breaks things all the time because he can't stop climbing on things. This is MY house and he is a guest here. I know how that sounds, I do, but that is how I feel. I do not want to feel this way. I love his father beyond imagining and so I need to work this out. I will never ask Phil to make a choice between his kids and me, EVER! Not only is that just wrong on all levels, but I would lose.
I have been making calls to therapists trying to find someone to talk to because I need to learn some coping skills. I am slipping into depression. I don't necessarily want my old life back when I could do what I want, when I want, and how I want, but I need to learn how to define boundaries and limits, what is mine, what is theirs, what is ours. I am angry, seriously broke, unhappy, but willing to do what I can to make those feelings go away.
Please, someone out there must know more than I do about this! Please help!
on Aug. 19, 2013 at 11:52 AM