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Opinions? This is from facebook

Posted by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 6:59 PM
  • 23 Replies

A SM is posting that she and DH have a problem with DH's 8 year old DD showering with BM.

SM says BD has talked to BM about it, and BM claims that she can legally shower with the child until the child is 14 and that dad needs to just shut it. SM thinks this is a reason for dad to fight for primary custody.

My DDs are 5 and 6, and there are times when I put them in the shower with me.

I told SM that most likely she's going to get varying views on it; some people are going to think it's terrible, while others aren't going to see a problem with it at all. 

by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 6:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 7:07 PM

 i wouldnt shower with any of my step kids (that should go without saying) ss10 and ss5 have both accidently walked in on me but i hurriedly covered and they averted their eyes and left. totally normal and not big deal occurences. ive also helped ss5 bathe (washed his hair, told him to wash his own body.) to us, this isnt a big deal. ss5 occasionally showers w SO, not a big deal. ss10 and 12 do not, too old. personally, i didnt bathe with my older sons past toddlerhood, they were boys. i did see them naked until about 9-10 but brief glimpses. then they became modest.

summary: i dont think 8 year old daughter showering w mom is a big deal but at 10-14 i think its kinda weird.

lnr187
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 7:09 PM

 it's perfectly fine. bm can shower with her daughter (i don't think there's any age that she can't). dad should not, and sm should not. any non-parent showering with a child is considered 'intimate activity' (not to be confused with sexual activity). but bm is bio-mom and it is her daughter. it's ok. dad will not get primary custody because of this.

Rae706
by Silver Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 7:18 PM
SM should mind her business. And if DH actually thinks this is serious enough to change custody, he's crazy. He has a preference, BM has hers. It's not like this is a grown ass girl showering with her SF. It's a kid and her mom. Nunya! Lol
Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 7:23 PM

There are times I've showered with my dd9....not a huge deal

there are times I've showered with my sister....she's 28.

(mom's hotwater heater sucked and we either had to share or one of us was taking a ice bath)

I seriously doubt dad can get custody because of this.

MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Aug. 20, 2013 at 7:30 PM

I haven't showered with my DD since she was a toddler. Yes, I think it's weird, but I don't think there would be a change of custody over it. Maybe a judge telling her to stop, but I would think that's about it, if she was even told that.

Motherof3inNJ
by Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 7:32 PM

I wear a bathing suit in the shower to wash and condition DD8's hair, she isn't good at washing it on her own, and sometimes that is easier than washing it in the sink. 

I don't think anything is wrong with actually showering naked with a child of the same sex- but I wouldn't be comfortable doing it.

I don't think this warrants a change in custody.

EricaHowell
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 7:45 PM


I agree- I don't think it warrants a change in custody as it would be considered legally as just parenting style - BM can do as she sees fit during her time and BF the same. 

I think it is a little weird that BM would want to shower with daughter. It is almost as if BM wants DD to remain her "baby" and not allowing the girl to grow up and be independent. DD might "want" to because of the bonding time she gets with BM or because she thinks BM wants her to shower with her.... But I think it is off.

Quoting Motherof3inNJ:

I wear a bathing suit in the shower to wash and condition DD8's hair, she isn't good at washing it on her own, and sometimes that is easier than washing it in the sink. 

I don't think anything is wrong with actually showering naked with a child of the same sex- but I wouldn't be comfortable doing it.

I don't think this warrants a change in custody.



Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 7:56 PM

DD will be 7 in December, and due to DH's work schedule (thank God only another week and a half of the craziness) I don't have the ability to always shower when he's home. DD has special needs that make DS and SD unable to watch her, so the easiest thing is to have her shower with me.

In the above situation; SM says BD spoke to BM about it and BM said that she can legally shower with DD until she's 14 and until then BD needs to just shut it.

I can't find laws regarding showering with your children, LOL

I told SM that I highly doubt anyone would do anything, unless BD had reason to believe that BM was touching DD inappropriately or something to that effect.


Quoting EricaHowell:


I agree- I don't think it warrants a change in custody as it would be considered legally as just parenting style - BM can do as she sees fit during her time and BF the same. 

I think it is a little weird that BM would want to shower with daughter. It is almost as if BM wants DD to remain her "baby" and not allowing the girl to grow up and be independent. DD might "want" to because of the bonding time she gets with BM or because she thinks BM wants her to shower with her.... But I think it is off.

Quoting Motherof3inNJ:

I wear a bathing suit in the shower to wash and condition DD8's hair, she isn't good at washing it on her own, and sometimes that is easier than washing it in the sink. 

I don't think anything is wrong with actually showering naked with a child of the same sex- but I wouldn't be comfortable doing it.

I don't think this warrants a change in custody.





Mommy0505
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 8:01 PM
I agree with you, its a preference thing and people will have different views based on what they prefer. No single answer is right.

Not something worth taking to court unless BM has a history of inappropriate activity with children. Tell them not to waste their money or time.
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Motherof3inNJ
by Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 8:08 PM

If the child has special needs, then I can understand why. DS5 has autism and I give him a bath and probably will for many years to come. I would never shower with him but it would be faster if I did... maybe that could be a reason why she does it. 

I'm sure if the child is "normal" (for lack of a better word) she won't want to shower with her mom much longer and will ask to shower alone.



Quoting EricaHowell:


I agree- I don't think it warrants a change in custody as it would be considered legally as just parenting style - BM can do as she sees fit during her time and BF the same. 

I think it is a little weird that BM would want to shower with daughter. It is almost as if BM wants DD to remain her "baby" and not allowing the girl to grow up and be independent. DD might "want" to because of the bonding time she gets with BM or because she thinks BM wants her to shower with her.... But I think it is off.

Quoting Motherof3inNJ:

I wear a bathing suit in the shower to wash and condition DD8's hair, she isn't good at washing it on her own, and sometimes that is easier than washing it in the sink. 

I don't think anything is wrong with actually showering naked with a child of the same sex- but I wouldn't be comfortable doing it.

I don't think this warrants a change in custody.





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