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BM moving to another state ... ETA

Posted by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 1:41 PM
  • 41 Replies

DH has an appointment with a lawyer in the morning. In the meantime, does anyone have any experience in this?

BM is leaving SF due to domestic violence and drug use. She is moving this Sunday to Florida (we are in Texas). The police have not been called during the domestic violence and she is currently still living with SF and taking care of his kids while he works. She decided she was leaving just last night and told DH about ALL of it this morning.

DH is very upset, even crying, that his children are being taken so far away. There is nothing in the CO preventing it but there is nothing allowing it either. The area of the order that is for Over 100 Miles visitation is blank, nothing is checked off on any of the options.

They have Joint Managing Conservatorship, meaning they have all the same rights except she has the sole right to determine their primary residence (there are no restrictions in the CO).

If anyone has experience or thoughts on this, it would be appreciated. We are just trying to figure out what to expect at this point and are very scared that the relationship he has with the boys will dissipitate.

Also, if she does move, would the Texas CS guidelines still prevail or will it all be switched to Florida guidelines?

ETA: I'm looking into flights to get the boys here for a weekend next month. It isn't possible for DH to drive there, get them, and drive back spend time with them then do all the driving all over again as it would leave him with no time at home or to actually spend with them. He would spend all 3 days, pretty much, driving (if it were even possible to make that drive like that).

The flights to get the boys here on any of his days off are over $600 PER CHILD!!! There is no way in hell we can afford $1200 a month to get those kids here for visitation. I have enough issues just being ok with YSS being put on an airplane without an adult as he is a Type 1 diabetic, nevermind that no flight flies straight into our airport from there and he would have to switch planes in Dallas or Houston. Then to have to pay $1200 just to see them, it's impossible.

by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 1:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 1:52 PM
I live in Texas. I could be wrong.. but I think the following is correct:

What the lawyer will likely do is file a temporary restraining order to keep BM from leaving. If y'all are not able to serve her before she leaves (which is unfortunately likely) then this process is going to be a bit more difficult.

How much notice did BM give DH that she was moving? Do you think she will be giving him the address she is moving to?

At the hearing, the judge will listen to BM's reasons for moving to Florida. It will be up to the judge to either deny or approve her move. If it is approved then the judge will amend the court order for long distance visitation.
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andie646c
by Silver Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 1:56 PM

She told him this morning and she will be leaving Sunday.

Her medical condition prevents her from driving (due to the possibility that she will pass out behind the wheel, her doctor has ordered her to not drive). Yet, she is driving herself and the boys there.

The address is her parents house so, yes, she will give it (and I'm sure it's the same as when she and DH were together so if she doesn't, he could easily get it).

Quoting amanda_mom89:

I live in Texas. I could be wrong.. but I think the following is correct:

What the lawyer will likely do is file a temporary restraining order to keep BM from leaving. If y'all are not able to serve her before she leaves (which is unfortunately likely) then this process is going to be a bit more difficult.

How much notice did BM give DH that she was moving? Do you think she will be giving him the address she is moving to?

At the hearing, the judge will listen to BM's reasons for moving to Florida. It will be up to the judge to either deny or approve her move. If it is approved then the judge will amend the court order for long distance visitation.



amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 2:02 PM
While the driving is worrisome..I'm not sure the lawyer is going to have something filed in time to keep her from leaving Sunday. Just depends on how fast the lawyer can get it typed and get a judge to sign it.

Your DH may be able to delay BM from moving...but if she is moving to another state to leave a domestic violence situation and move in with her parents.. a judge is likely to approve that.

Your DH could go for custody..but he would likely have to have more than that to go on.


Quoting andie646c:

She told him this morning and she will be leaving Sunday.

Her medical condition prevents her from driving (due to the possibility that she will pass out behind the wheel, her doctor has ordered her to not drive). Yet, she is driving herself and the boys there.

The address is her parents house so, yes, she will give it (and I'm sure it's the same as when she and DH were together so if she doesn't, he could easily get it).


Quoting amanda_mom89:

I live in Texas. I could be wrong.. but I think the following is correct:



What the lawyer will likely do is file a temporary restraining order to keep BM from leaving. If y'all are not able to serve her before she leaves (which is unfortunately likely) then this process is going to be a bit more difficult.



How much notice did BM give DH that she was moving? Do you think she will be giving him the address she is moving to?



At the hearing, the judge will listen to BM's reasons for moving to Florida. It will be up to the judge to either deny or approve her move. If it is approved then the judge will amend the court order for long distance visitation.





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spicy0425
by Silver Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 2:04 PM

I think he needs to get a legal advice to make sure how things will lay out instead of guessing. Talk to the BM first to work out a plan if possible. Good luck.

amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 2:05 PM
That's just my opinion, btw. Maybe he will get some different news tomorrow. I'm sorry your DH is facing not seeing his kids as often. A classmate of mine is dealing with the same thing. His ex took their son to Florida. It's hard on him but he makes it work.

His son started school this year and he and his mom d
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andie646c
by Silver Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 2:07 PM

She will not fully admit to the domestic violence.

Last month, SF "accidently" stepped on her foot and broke it.

Last night, when she found out he was doing drugs, the two of them got into a fist fight. No police were called and she now has bruises over her. 

She had posted a picture of her legs to Facebook a little over a month ago of bruises all over her leg and said there was no explanation for them, they "just appeared."

We have suspected abuse for a while, since around the time they got married. We also suspected drug use but had no proof.


Quoting amanda_mom89:

While the driving is worrisome..I'm not sure the lawyer is going to have something filed in time to keep her from leaving Sunday. Just depends on how fast the lawyer can get it typed and get a judge to sign it.

Your DH may be able to delay BM from moving...but if she is moving to another state to leave a domestic violence situation and move in with her parents.. a judge is likely to approve that.

Your DH could go for custody..but he would likely have to have more than that to go on.


Quoting andie646c:

She told him this morning and she will be leaving Sunday.

Her medical condition prevents her from driving (due to the possibility that she will pass out behind the wheel, her doctor has ordered her to not drive). Yet, she is driving herself and the boys there.

The address is her parents house so, yes, she will give it (and I'm sure it's the same as when she and DH were together so if she doesn't, he could easily get it).


Quoting amanda_mom89:

I live in Texas. I could be wrong.. but I think the following is correct:



What the lawyer will likely do is file a temporary restraining order to keep BM from leaving. If y'all are not able to serve her before she leaves (which is unfortunately likely) then this process is going to be a bit more difficult.



How much notice did BM give DH that she was moving? Do you think she will be giving him the address she is moving to?



At the hearing, the judge will listen to BM's reasons for moving to Florida. It will be up to the judge to either deny or approve her move. If it is approved then the judge will amend the court order for long distance visitation.







andie646c
by Silver Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 2:10 PM

Due to his job, he will unable to see them for at least a year. While they could still come here for visitation, his job has him on call 12 days straight. He will likely be gone for 12 days straight before getting 3 days off which isn't enough time to fly them here, spend time with them and fly them back and really isn't enough time to make the drive.

He won't be able to use vacation time for 6 months (he just switched jobs, so has to wait). I told him that, while not being able to take an actual vacation would suck, he could use his vacation time to get the boys and spend time with them. He only accrues about 6.5 hours a month of time off though so that wouldn't be all that often and we really don't have the money to pay for plane tickets.


Quoting amanda_mom89:

That's just my opinion, btw. Maybe he will get some different news tomorrow. I'm sorry your DH is facing not seeing his kids as often. A classmate of mine is dealing with the same thing. His ex took their son to Florida. It's hard on him but he makes it work.

His son started school this year and he and his mom d



andie646c
by Silver Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 2:16 PM

We are talking with a lawyer tomorrow. He has talked to BM, although it was right when he was told and he was obviously upset. His words didn't come out well, "You mean you expect me to pay all of this CS and I don't even get to see my kids?!?!" ... to which she replied yes but that she would pay for half of the plane tickets. I doubt she will though as she is not allowed to work (doctors orders) and the only income she has is the CS. And, while the CS is more than she would make if she were working a minimum wage job, it is unlikely enough to sustain a proper living situation for her plus the two boys without some other supplemental income. Much less, enough to pay for half of two plane tickets on top of regular bills.

Quoting spicy0425:

I think he needs to get a legal advice to make sure how things will lay out instead of guessing. Talk to the BM first to work out a plan if possible. Good luck.



AtillaTheHun
by facta, non verba on Aug. 21, 2013 at 2:16 PM
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His attorney can file for an emergency hearing and submit the paperwork to keep BM in Texas in one shot. Usually they work pretty fast in such cases and there is a good chance this can be done before Friday if his attorney works fast. If your husband had regular contact with his kids the judge might even give him temporary custody and tells BM to move to FL alone. The court doesn't care why she wants to move unless she has a high paying job offer for example. If BM won't admit to the abuse stuff, good for you. Then she has no valid reason to pack up everything with such short notice and take the kids away from their father. And that is what the court cares about; the relationship between children and BOTH of their parents.
andie646c
by Silver Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 2:20 PM

Is any of this anything he could possibly do on his own? The consultation with the lawyer is free but the rest of it, I'm sure they will charge for. We will find a way to pay for it all, as the boys deserve a relationship with their father and he deserves a relationship with them ... but it will really hurt us and possible send us into a lot of debt. Hopefully the lawyer will advise him on it in the morning. 

One of the worst experiences I've had with my husband is walking outside to find him crying against his truck. I've never seen tears run down his face before and I had no clue what to do.


Quoting AtillaTheHun:

His attorney can file for an emergency hearing and submit the paperwork to keep BM in Texas in one shot. Usually they work pretty fast in such cases and there is a good chance this can be done before Friday if his attorney works fast. If your husband had regular contact with his kids the judge might even give him temporary custody and tells BM to move to FL alone. The court doesn't care why she wants to move unless she has a high paying job offer for example. If BM won't admit to the abuse stuff, good for you. Then she has no valid reason to pack up everything with such short notice and take the kids away from their father. And that is what the court cares about; the relationship between children and BOTH of their parents.



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