I became a step mother last year to a 10 year old girl who adored me at first (when she was 8-9 when we were dating) Then, i moved in and saw things happening around our home like my husband treating her like she's 3, put her to bed with a sippy cup, she would rage into our bedroom unannounced every weekend morning, shower in our bathroom, speak disrespectfully, throw her laundry all over the stairs do Dad would pick it up, get rewarded instead of having consequences for bad behavior, I had to speak up.. At first it was welcomed. He wants us to be a happy family and to me take the role of mother figure. But things got worse between my step daughter and myself. She realized that when I'm around I think it's a good thing to turn off the TV at dinner, chew with your mouth closed, take your plate to the sink, normal stuff, but she didn't like new rules. So she started being cruel to me, first she bit me (no consequence, just a talking to by my husband), she would get angry and chase me trying to hurt me, kicked me in my stomach, she's pinched me leaving a bruise, threw a firecracker on my leg, ect... Still only getting talks no consequence. So I got super angry about no punishment and we see a parent coach. I've learned to stay away now which broke my husbands heart bc his fantasy is one big happy 3 some.. 25% the 3 of us, 75% the two of them. I'm no longer aloud to tell her to do anything, I keep my comments to myself until she's gone from our home. However, she is still extremely rude to me verbally and he hasn't defended me like I think he should. Talks aren't preventing reoccurrence of her treating me like a dog.
If I say one word about her behavior he gets defensive and we fight. I understand he's afraid she won't want to visit anymore if he punishes her, but I can't stand to be treated so disrespectfully! How do I get him to defend me without him getting defensive toward me.
I feel it's going to get worse, esp bc we are trying to conceive.
Thanks for advice!!!
He's been divorced for 9 years and the ex is one of those high conflict types so they don't even speak, only email. She's the rich country club lady w a rich family who feels entitled and above everyone....
on Aug. 22, 2013 at 9:46 AM