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Posted by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:20 AM
  • 9 Replies
Hi I'm new to this. I need some input. My step daughter is 8 and she is a really great kid. She listens and is respectful and loves me. But recently she doesn't want to stay at our house. During the day she is okay. But at night when it comes to bed time. She crys and says she's scared and will not go to sleep without crying for about an hour or two. One night it lasted for hours my husband had to take her home to her mom in the middle of the night. It only happens at our house. She says she needs to have someone close up her to make her feel safe. I don't know why she doesn't feel safe here she never had a problem sleeping here before. We've asked her what is going on and at first she said she needed someone. Then her dad slept in the room next to her. Then she said that she is scared that a fire will break out. She said she saw one a few months ago at her aunts house and it freaked her out. My husband asked his ex when that fire happened, it was a long time ago she says. Then the little girl says that it's because of the nationwide insurance commercial where someone breaks in. Idk what to do. It's driving me crazy. She crys days before she has to come over cause she doesn't want to stay the night here. I feel sad cause she isn't happy here. Nobody hurts her here and we do everything in our power to keep her safe. We have ADT we leave the light on for her. We have to dogs that protect her and like to sleep next to her. Idk what to do anymore. :(
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:20 AM
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by Bronze Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:23 AM

Does she spend the night with friends or grandparents at all?  It seems odd that it would just be a Dad's house.  (But not impossible.  I personally HATED staying with this one babysitter overnight because having to use her shower totally freaked me out because it had a different kind of drain.)  

This sounds like an anxiety issue.  If they can't get a handle on it, meeting with a therapist could help.  

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:30 AM

Maybe some counseling is in order?  It sounds like from what you're saying that the underlying thing is some anxiety and fear but that when pressed, she's coming up with a lot of different thing to support it. THat seems like a lot of thought for an 8YO.  If she's that worried, there may be some underlying issue that should be addressed.

by Amy on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:39 PM

 I agree with the others, it does sound like she's experiencing anxiety for one reason or another and would benefit from some therapy to help her figure out what's really bothering her.

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:55 PM

Counseling to ask her what and why she acted that way recently. I don't know. I enountered this in the 1st year of my marriage. When OSD asked her dad to take her back to her BM's house, her dad refused, calmed her down and told her she needed to stay here and go to sleep. My husband said if your husband took her home to her BM each time she acted up, he unintentionally allows and give her to dictate where she wants to be. She is only 8 yrs old. That's why the adult needs to take charge and teach her and calm her down.  If your home is an unsafe environment, it's ok for her to ask to leave. But since she's been here with you guys before, I think the adult needs to tell her and re-assure her that she needs to be where she is and no way she can change that. Take her to the counselor/kids therapist to see where her fear comes from and go from there.

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 4:36 PM

Have you talked to your DH about maybe having her talk to a counselor?  It may help you know how to help her better.

Praying for you and her!

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 7:44 PM

Maybe day visits would be best for now?

by Bronze Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 7:47 PM

has she been abused ? is your House haunted? it could just be that she gets anxiety when trying to sleep in other peoples homes? idk good luck  .

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 7:50 PM
My ss 10 usee to do this too. Not to that degree but for months before bed cry he was scared , wake up crying from bad dreams or just for no reason in middle of night start whaling and we had a newborn so it was even more draining because we were up with dd frequently . It stopped after a few months but I personally think its for attention. He tried to get dh to sleep with. Him but that wasn't going to happen every weekend . Once he realized his crying didn't do anything , he still had to go to sleep. He stopped. Sleeps fine now and REARLY wakes up durning night. All makea me think it was for attention
by Ruby Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 8:44 PM

DD16 did this for years.  BF and I just gave her the space to work it through.  He didn't take it personally when he had to drive her home, he just did.  She turned down a free trip to Hawaii when she was in 8th grade because she was too scared to be away from me. She is now super brave girl.  Se went to Hawaii with the same friends the year after.  She flies to Chicago alone to visit my brother and his family.  Sometimes I think a kid just needs to be allowed to be needy, makes it easier to get over the neediness.

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