Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Baby Shower for My Niece--SS's wife on List---No Way! I can't deal with her!

Posted by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:41 AM
  • 61 Replies

My brother's 19 year-old daughter is pregnant and my DIL and I are giving her a baby shower.  My SIL gave me the guest list which includes SS's wife.   For the past three years  since SS and his wife became engaged and married DH and I have had a terrible relationship with them.  SS got angry at us and decided to blame me for everything that went wrong in his childhood.  In his words, he "had to blame someone and he couldn't blame his dad so he chose me."   SS and his wife and I do not speak to each other; SS's wife defriended me on Facebook; we do not exchange Christmas gifts; we do not socialize during the year (we do not see them at ALL during the year unless there is a family reunion).  It is apparent to me that they hate me and the last thing I want is to have SS's wife in my home for a baby shower for MY niece.   BTW----she and my niece do not know each other.  This is a matter of inviting her because she is part of my DH's family and because my SD, MIL, etc are invited.   However, this is MY family's event and I cannot bear to have SS's wife in my home.   My hands started shaking when I saw the list.  

 Is it okay to keep the fact that SS's wife's name was on the list a secret from my DH?  If I tell him he will force me (through guilt and arguments) to invite her or make me so miserable I won't be able to stand the pressure.   I can't stand  the stress, but my DH gives me no support emotionally.  He is all about what looks good and is right for everyone else except me.....a major conflict avoider.    Months of therapy have not helped him to become more supportive of me so far.   Help ladies?

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:41 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Birdseed
by Gold Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:44 AM
3 moms liked this

It's not about you.

Get over it.

Those were my two initial reactions to your post.

If things are THAT bad with this woman then chances are, she won't show.  But don't be a douche and not invite her. Like it or not, she's family and she was on the list for an even that is not about you.

SassyMom25
by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:49 AM
1 mom liked this

I would invite her...but make sure she knows it is being thrown by you. Chances are she won't show because you are there and she doesn't know this girl. Personally, I wouldn't have invited anyone to my baby shower if I didn't know them...seems weird to receive congrats from people who only showed up cause they were invited, ya know.

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:52 AM

You can suck it up for your DH for his family event (if you choose to) but this is your family, tell your SIL that you have a bad relationship with your SS and his wife and you don't want them there, is there a reason why your family doesn't know your relationship with your SS, because clearly they didn't know? I don't think you have to mention it to your husband but your marriage sounds like it needs help if you can't get your husband to see your side on this matter and you are afraid to tell him how you feel.

GlockMom
by Gold Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:01 PM

If you can't be mature about hosting an event that isn't about you then someone else needs to host the shower and have it elsewhere.

bottomline
by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:02 PM
5 moms liked this

 Why is she even on the invite list if she doesn't know the guest of honor? I mean really, who wants someone at their shower that they don't even know? I certainly wouldn't, I would feel like I was trolling for gifts!

If this was a bbq hosted by you I would say don't invite her.  You would have that option, since it's your party, given by you for you. But since this is a shower given by you for someone else, I say send the invite. I doubt very much she will show up. If she does, ignore the bs for the guest of honor and get through the party. Showers last a couple of hours so you can maintain a false front for that long.

I have a similar situation so I can totally understand how you feel. The emotional turmoil it creates within your marriage and your self. Be the person you are, to hell with her.

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:03 PM
1 mom liked this

I get it. Your DIL upsets you too much to have her in your home for a shower. From what you said, sounds like she won't mind not getting an invite. I would just tell your SIL that you won't be inviting the DIL until you are getting along better. I would leave it at that. I would also tell DH the same: until things get better with the relationship you just can't have her to your party. That is all. You don't have to explain any more or justify any more than that.

Hopefully in the future you and SS will have a better relationship but for now just do your own thing and have your own party.

QueenBof6
by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:06 PM
2 moms liked this
If you're not willing to host a party with all the guests she wants to invite you shouldn't be hosting it. Let someone else do it and decline the invite to it. This party is not for you you are doing it for someone else. Suck it up for a day and deal.

My sister is going through this. I'm throwing her shower and her mom volunteered her house but has said some family is not to attend. Why would you volunteer your time or house to a party where you know you may have to de with some people you don't want to?
happinessforyou
by Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 1:11 PM

If none of you like each other or get along-why would she come even if she was invitied?

Invite everyone and let them decide if they want to come.

Lose her invitation.

Call her or send a note in the invitation saying that you hope you can have a fresh start?

GL

amylulu1
by Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 1:22 PM
1 mom liked this

In my eyes, it is your home therefore it is your decision whether or not to invite this person.  Due to the bad feelings, she may just say no anyway.  Baby showers are to celebrate having a baby and...receive gifts for said baby.  If niece doesn't even know this girl, there is no reason to be inviting her to the shower in the first place...that's just weird to me.  Personally, I would not invite her, but you know that dynamics better than I do...just do what your gut tells you.  

annabl1970
by Gold Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 1:23 PM
Who is "she"?
Did you read the post?



Quoting QueenBof6:

If you're not willing to host a party with all the guests she wants to invite you shouldn't be hosting it. Let someone else do it and decline the invite to it. This party is not for you you are doing it for someone else. Suck it up for a day and deal.



My sister is going through this. I'm throwing her shower and her mom volunteered her house but has said some family is not to attend. Why would you volunteer your time or house to a party where you know you may have to de with some people you don't want to?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured