Baby Shower for My Niece--SS's wife on List---No Way! I can't deal with her!
My brother's 19 year-old daughter is pregnant and my DIL and I are giving her a baby shower. My SIL gave me the guest list which includes SS's wife. For the past three years since SS and his wife became engaged and married DH and I have had a terrible relationship with them. SS got angry at us and decided to blame me for everything that went wrong in his childhood. In his words, he "had to blame someone and he couldn't blame his dad so he chose me." SS and his wife and I do not speak to each other; SS's wife defriended me on Facebook; we do not exchange Christmas gifts; we do not socialize during the year (we do not see them at ALL during the year unless there is a family reunion). It is apparent to me that they hate me and the last thing I want is to have SS's wife in my home for a baby shower for MY niece. BTW----she and my niece do not know each other. This is a matter of inviting her because she is part of my DH's family and because my SD, MIL, etc are invited. However, this is MY family's event and I cannot bear to have SS's wife in my home. My hands started shaking when I saw the list.
Is it okay to keep the fact that SS's wife's name was on the list a secret from my DH? If I tell him he will force me (through guilt and arguments) to invite her or make me so miserable I won't be able to stand the pressure. I can't stand the stress, but my DH gives me no support emotionally. He is all about what looks good and is right for everyone else except me.....a major conflict avoider. Months of therapy have not helped him to become more supportive of me so far. Help ladies?