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an EC for me & an EC for you

Posted by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 10:34 PM
  • 28 Replies

BM : How would you feel if BF told you, “I really want to sign SS up for Scouts, and I want to be the main parent who takes him on the camping/fishing/whatever trips. I want this to be my activity with SS and while I don’t mind if you come to any important ceremonies, I’d like the weekly meetings and activities to be something that I experience with SS.”

 

What if DH added, “Since I’m asking for this to be my activity with SS I will cover all the cost.”

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 10:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lnr187
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 10:50 PM

i think it's reasonable for a dad to want to do those outings with his son. however, she is more than welcome to attend any meetings. she might not take it well if he asks her to not be there. in general though, i don't think there's really any reason for her to be at the meetings. this is scout specific ... it would be different for a sport or something.

mom2boys664
by Bronze Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 10:58 PM

Sounds reaasonable to me...

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:10 PM
I would be totally fine with it as a mom/ex wife. Scouts is for boys and dads although I know many moms are involved. I'm just speaking for me and what I would say, I would be fine with it.

However our order states that neither parent can be excluded from activities lol yep had to have that added.

Although there are a lot of things that dd does at her dads and I don't attend. Mostly bc they don't officially sign her up so that there is no need to follow the court order. She does like 'drop in' or visits with her step sister. Like the swim team. She's not on the team but she practices with them. Not sure how that works but she does. And Girl Scouts. She's not in Girl Scouts but the leader lets her participate. I do plenty of activities with dd when she is with dad I just do my own thing. That is their time together with his family.
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leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:45 PM

As a mother, it would depend on how I feel about the particular activity, if BM is a big fan of the particular activity that could be a challenge, you may have to share in the meetings. etc.

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 1:06 AM
I'd love it if bf did that.0
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 1:11 AM
I would be fine if it was Boy Scouts. In fact ods was a cubs out for a couple years and I only went to one meeting and the big ceremonies. After the one meeting I attended I was totally fine with never going again. Ods finally just got bored with it and moved on to other activities.
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 1:43 AM
1 mom liked this
I'd be fine w it. There are some types of moms that will take offense though. Just depends what kind of person she is.
EricaHowell
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 1:34 PM

I think it is great that BD wants to spend time with DS. It is also great that BD is willing to communicate and discuss with BM first. Scouts is kinda a bonding thing, IMO, between the boys. I would be happy that BD wants to do this and very happy that he is willing to cover the costs. 

As BM, I would respect this bonding time and be supportive of BD and DS's time together by not dropping in on everything, only the ceremonies. I would allow him to take DS on my parenting time for Scout-related events too to show my support.

progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 2:27 PM

Honestly, the meetings aren’t that big of a deal compared to the events.

 

When BM comes to anything, she turns it into the BM & SF show. If SS sits down, she sits on one side and SF sits on the other. If DH tries to talk to SS, BM talks over DH to keep SS’s attention on her. I actually have a picture of SS in a bounce house – in the background of the photo BM is standing with her hands on her hips, yelling at SS. She’s physically pushed past DH to introduce herself to teacher’s first. She’s also very eager to push SF to be involved.

 

DH can understand her coming to the first meeting. He can even her understand her coming to every other meeting (every other week the meetings will start 30mins before DH is schedule to pick SS up, so BM will either have to let DH pick SS up early or take him to the meeting herself). He just doesn’t want her coming on weekend long camping trips or overnight fishing trips, especially if she’s going to try to push SF to be involved, too.

 

Quoting lnr187:

i think it's reasonable for a dad to want to do those outings with his son. however, she is more than welcome to attend any meetings. she might not take it well if he asks her to not be there. in general though, i don't think there's really any reason for her to be at the meetings. this is scout specific ... it would be different for a sport or something.

 

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 2:34 PM

I'm confused.  Maybe I need more caffeine? 

If DF (dear fiance?) is asking this about his SS, my question would be more how BF would feel more than my own feelings, knowing how scouting works.  If BF didn't have an interest in being involved himself (my xh wouldn't) and SF had an interest, as well as my DS (his SS), I'd support it, though, I, myself, would like to be involved as well, but I get the 'bonding' time too.  I like camping but don't have much of an opportunity to camp.  BF hates it so he would NEVER volunteer to do it!  He won't even do the little community camping things, where they'll help you set up your tent, they provide the hotdogs/burgers for the grill, and the activiites for adults/kids to do all night, all you have to really do is show up.  But, BF is NOT interested, he's not the outdoorsy type.  YDS loves that stuff.  I've sent him with my brother before.  The first one I did ask BF, in case he'd changed, but nope, he's not cool with 'camping' unless there's cable TV with 4000 channels. <shrug> so off YDS and his uncle went!  They had a blast! 

If BF was ok with it, and if my DS was ok with it, I'd fully support it too!  I think I'd get the last vote, however, with DS having the first (I wouldn't push a kid into scouting, or any activity, if they didn't have an interest at all), then BF, then SF, and me last. 

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