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Mother Daughter indulgence/connection..

Posted by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:15 AM
  • 51 Replies

Clearly I want to stop the behavior and am needing help.

BM texts the SD in the mornings bashing her boyfriends son to her own daughter. I feel this is her way of keeping a mother daughter relationship. I don't feel it's right, and I don't want my SD thinking its ok to just make fun of people and get in on any bashing at that. So this morning I said" would you think it was ok for me to bash you to people?" She said, "no I wouldn't." I said,  "then why are you doing it with your mom?" she said, "I dont know." I don't clearly know how I am to react to this or if I am over stepping my boundries. SD states that her mom texts her those things all the time and she doesn't know why she does that. I said well just think how you would feel if it was being done about you. I dont want her to look at her mother badly for doing this but I dont want her to think its ok either. Anyone any advice?

by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:21 AM
1 mom liked this

 Well, alot of this depends on how you found out about those texts.  Did SD come to you for advice about them? 

mistyann00
by Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:24 AM

yes and no, she was giggling at a text, I was doing her hair and I asked what she is giggling about so early in the morning...she stated she was texting a friend and her mom text her something earlier and then she came out with it.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:24 AM
2 moms liked this

I think it is inapprorpriate to be addressing this matter in a way that is negative to BM and her relationship with her DD. I would approach it by modelling better behaviour and stating that it is wrong without saying you think what her mother does is wrong, she will figure that out herself.

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

mistyann00
by Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:28 AM

I guess I look at it that I could have timed it better by not pointing out right after the text that it was wrong that way her mom was not involved. I have said it before and it I never mentioned her mom. I guess it hit me hard this morning just waking up and me not thinking. I can see where I was wrong in that manner definitely.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:35 AM
1 mom liked this
I wouldn't intervene. You probably wouldn't like bm dictating what bf communicates to sd.

If bm to dh to stop talking about (say). Football... Because it is a violent sport.... Dh would tell her to butt out.
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:35 AM
1 mom liked this

How old is she?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:39 AM
2 moms liked this

I would stay out of it. Nothing good can came of getting invovled at all. What SD and her mother talk about is their business.

mistyann00
by Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:41 AM

She is 13, she is at that molding age, I normally dont intervene with other things, but I don't feel I should stand by as a parent and let things like that go unnoticed. By being a parent I feel you have to teach them right for wrong and that is one thing I feel is wrong. I feel I should still address the behavior not so much as between her mom and her. I realize I am wrong involving her mom. But the behavior is what I want to correct.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:43 AM
2 moms liked this

what was the text about? How old is this kid they were making fun of, and what were they saying about him?

you can say to her "I don't think you should make fun of people" without bringing her mom into it at all. It's your SD's behavior you want to address, not the person she was texting (who happened to be her mom).


Quoting mistyann00:

She is 13, she is at that molding age, I normally dont intervene with other things, but I don't feel I should stand by as a parent and let things like that go unnoticed. By being a parent I feel you have to teach them right for wrong and that is one thing I feel is wrong. I feel I should still address the behavior not so much as between her mom and her. I realize I am wrong involving her mom. But the behavior is what I want to correct.



mistyann00
by Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:44 AM

I realize I am wrong in addressing and involving her and her mom, I want to address the behavior though.

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