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A letter to mom

Posted by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:38 AM
  • 17 Replies

My SD hasent wanted to see (visiit ) her mom for about 2 wks.now, She finally has had some courage to call her mom and confront her mom of her lies and to state some of her fustration to her mom. She recently called her mom now 2x stating her mom to call her back of all the why's to her questions and no responce to the calls......my husband (her dad) nor I have had no emails either explaing the she won't be there to pick her up (she is 11) and or to discuss the suituation. She gave me (SD) a letter to mail her mom ......do I send it.....she let us read it and OWIE!!!! thank goodness she can vent to us and her counslor about all what she thinks, feels due what she has been through w/mom......thoughts here gals? Thanks BTW HAPPY MONDAY!! :))

by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:40 AM

 Did you tell her you would mail it? 

I've offered to let DS write a letter to his father before.  He's started a couple but never finished one he wanted me to send. 

LilD959
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 12:12 PM

I havent yet......she seems so determened for me to send it......really need input here.....will it start a war that we did send it??

DDDaysh
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 12:35 PM
2 moms liked this

 I would hold onto it after school and then sit her down and explain that, while you are willing to send it, you'd like her to discuss the contents with her counselor first. 

Then I'd punt this one to the professional.  Scan it and send it to her therapist and ask HER advice.  I would never lie to the child and say I'd send it and then not do it, but it might not be wise to have the child constantly hounding Mom either.  Even though what her mother's doing is crappy, if what the child really wants is to fix their relationship, then if the letter drives Mom even further away it is sort of counter-proeductive.  Without really being in the situation, however, it's too hard to judge what the highest priority needs to be, which is why I'd ask for the therapist's advice. 

Quoting LilD959:

I havent yet......she seems so determened for me to send it......really need input here.....will it start a war that we did send it??

 

wyomom4
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 12:36 PM
1 mom liked this

At 11 she is old enough for you to hand her an envelope and a stamp so she can mail it herself. If she doesn't know the address you guys can tell it to her. 

huntersmom1007
by Bronze Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 12:44 PM
1 mom liked this

I was going to suggest the same thing.  Although you might want to wait till after her next session to do it.  Give her time to think about it.  She may be relieved you didn't actually send it or she may still feel the same way and drop it directly into the mail. 


Quoting wyomom4:

At 11 she is old enough for you to hand her an envelope and a stamp so she can mail it herself. If she doesn't know the address you guys can tell it to her. 



Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 12:53 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with talking it over with the counselor and figuring that all out.

It sounds like the kid has reached out to BM several times with how she feels. SD has issues with BM, and SD's counselor has told us that it was great when SD got the courage to tell BM how she felt. However, SD doesn't need to be constantly doing it. She's told BM how she feels, the ball is in BM's court to change her behavior/choices or not. So, I'm not sure how sending the letter will positively effect the situation.

Definitely have the counselor read it and discuss it with the child. 

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 1:23 PM
1 mom liked this

Send it. Just make sure it is alllllllllll in her handwriting.

Sunseg
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 2:41 PM
I wouldn't send it. Now that she has all her angry feelings down on paper maybe she should write another one that focuses on what she would like her relationship with her mother to be, how she's hurt and not finger pointing and word vomit. Doesn't matter if the letter is all in her child's handwriting she will probably think you and DH are behind her words.
LoveMy2x4
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 3:05 PM
1 mom liked this

I literally just went through this with my DD7 and her father. He is an absent Dad. She wrote him the letter and asked me to send it. I told her to wait it out a few days to see if she would still want to. I also told her to think about how she would feel if her letter didnt make him change. 

After a few days, then a few more, then a few more...she was still asking me to send it. I scanned and emailed him a copy (so he couldnt say he never got it) and there was no response.

About 3 weeks after he got it, he finally wrote to me saying that he would like to start calling regularly again. I asked him to not do so until he was ready to stay in their lives permanently. That was 3 weeks ago and I havent heard from him since. 

LilD959
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 4:22 PM

Thanks to ALL you gals!!!! it sure was nice to have your input! She is seeing her counlor this Thursday and will go from there!!! I'm new to this site and it's so nice to get other advice!!! Hugz to you all!! <3...Debbie

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