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What do we(well, DH) do now?

Posted by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:17 PM
  • 33 Replies

SD9 didn't come over this weekend. BM refused to allow DH to take her, and DH was extra pissed b/c it was his first weekend off in 3 months. BM called last night and talked to DH. BM and SD apparently "had a talk" and they have decided that SD is old enough to decide if she wants to come or not. BM told DH SD wants to only come around holidays and her birthday. "SD's" reasoning for this is that she is tired of sharing a room with DD, she doesn't like the rules, and we no longer have cable, we have Roku/Hulu/Netflix.

DH said that SD really has no say, they have a CO. BM said oh well, she will call the cops if DH comes oh her property, or sits in front of her(sisters) home. DH also said he wasn't buying gifts and such on holidays if that was the only reason SD felt the need to come over, as it seems from when she wants to come.

Besides document, what else is there to do? How long do we let BM/SD not come over before its enough to file something? We are at a loss, and DH is simply exasperated that BM is allowing this.

Ticker id: NomlLilypie - (ZEi4)


by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:21 PM
7 moms liked this

You find an attorney.  Don't wait even a second.  if there is a CO and she has decided not to abide by it...

Good god - a 9 year old making decisions about visitation.

spicy0425
by Silver Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:24 PM
1 mom liked this

Tell you DH avoids getting into word fight with BM and anyone else. Tell him to keep his calm. When he comes and pick up the SD at BM's house or anybody's house that was stated in the CO on his days, bring the CO paper with him. If the BM refused, called the cops. Based on the CO, she has to let the BF take the SD. The worse comes to it is your DH will have to go to court again to ask the judge to enforce the CO. Your husband is right. 9 yrs old is too young to have a choice in where she wants to be. She can't choose one house over another simply because the other is more fun, has TV channel that she likes. If BM allows it, BM will be responsible too.

amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:26 PM
1 mom liked this
Exactly what pdx said. And I would encourage DH not to take it out on SD. What would you say if one of your parents was in front of you and the other wasn't? Encourage your DH to stay calm and talk to a lawyer.
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:30 PM

 id immediately take BM back to court in conctempt.

here in my state, if BM did this, DH could call the cops and they would make BM turn the kid over, but i know not all states do this.

if he lets this slide, this will be the new norm. 9 is not old enough to make these decisions.

EricaHowell
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:34 PM
Another vote for call the lawyer. Judges, in my experience, frown upon either party involving the police in enforcement issues.

Have dh send an email requesting that she start complying with the court ordered visitation. The next time, have him send a certified letter. Hopefully, you get an attorney by the next time, but definitely start the documented correspondence. Good luck with everything.
LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:41 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting pdxmum:

You find an attorney.  Don't wait even a second.  if there is a CO and she has decided not to abide by it...

Good god - a 9 year old making decisions about visitation.

I agree - who let's a CHILD make these decisions!?!


Of course in here we see it all the time, "Stepchild doesn't want to go back to BM, we should respect the child's wishes."  "Stepchild wants to live with BF and SM, we should respect the child's wishes."  

Sooooooooo - all those SMs who think the wishes of child should be respected and followed; I expect you will be stating that of course the stepchild should be able to state she is NOT visiting.  Because, you know, it's all about keeping the child happy...

elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:51 PM

Here, calling the cops is a 50/50 thing. Depending on the officer, SD would or wouldn't be made to go. DH didn't argue, just looked very annoyed the whole time he was on the phone with BM.

Quoting spicy0425:

Tell you DH avoids getting into word fight with BM and anyone else. Tell him to keep his calm. When he comes and pick up the SD at BM's house or anybody's house that was stated in the CO on his days, bring the CO paper with him. If the BM refused, called the cops. Based on the CO, she has to let the BF take the SD. The worse comes to it is your DH will have to go to court again to ask the judge to enforce the CO. Your husband is right. 9 yrs old is too young to have a choice in where she wants to be. She can't choose one house over another simply because the other is more fun, has TV channel that she likes. If BM allows it, BM will be responsible too.


Ticker id: NomlLilypie - (ZEi4)


elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:52 PM

DH wouldn't take it out on SD. He just wonders how much of this was actually SD, and how much was BM talking in her ear.

Quoting amanda_mom89:

Exactly what pdx said. And I would encourage DH not to take it out on SD. What would you say if one of your parents was in front of you and the other wasn't? Encourage your DH to stay calm and talk to a lawyer.


Ticker id: NomlLilypie - (ZEi4)


elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:53 PM

BM doesn't have email, refuses to have it. She either calls or texts. certified letter would have to be done.

Quoting EricaHowell:

Another vote for call the lawyer. Judges, in my experience, frown upon either party involving the police in enforcement issues.

Have dh send an email requesting that she start complying with the court ordered visitation. The next time, have him send a certified letter. Hopefully, you get an attorney by the next time, but definitely start the documented correspondence. Good luck with everything.


Ticker id: NomlLilypie - (ZEi4)


whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:56 PM

I (DH) would take SD out for dinner, and talk about the issues she has with coming over, and what can change to make her happier.

She said she doesnt' like sharing a room with DD. Maybe there can be an alternate arrangment so she doesn't have to sleep in DD's room.

She says she "doesn't like the rules." Which rules? Is there a particular rule that bothers her? Find out. Maybe the rules are too restrictive, maybe something can change.

it seems that SD is not happy when she visits dad, so if I were Dad, i'd want to know why.

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