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Being "bashed" vs getting constructive advice...

Posted by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 2:52 AM
  • 7 Replies
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry but I keep seeing all these posts where people say they are getting bashed.

Putting up posts that condradict what a poster is saying is the truth isn't bashing. Its pulling up information that a poster posted before so everyone gets the whole picture.

Getting constructive advice such as telling a SM not to get all upset and confront BM about underwear and to stay out it is not getting "bashed". Its people who were in your situation telling you what helped them in the past and giving advice that worked for them.

Not trying to force a "family" with grown up children is not getting "bashed".

There have been times I will admit that I got my panties in a twist a little bit but a lot of these ladies here are just blunt and honest and if you actually listen to what they are saying they are giving good advice.

 

by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 2:52 AM
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Replies (1-7):
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 3:16 AM

Thank goodness someone is saying it!  Thank you OP.

This isn't some "us against them" forum.  Ladies, you are coming here, I hope, for perspective.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 7:09 AM
1 mom liked this
People will feel how they want to feel, some people are more sensitive than others especially those in an emotionally challenging home situation.

I don't think advice given in a harsh or hostile manner is going to be effective with everyone. If you beat someone over the head with constructive advice it is bashing, and many times the person miss the advice.
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whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 7:37 AM

I agree. Good post.

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 7:57 AM
1 mom liked this
Some things are hard to hear.
Pero3
by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 8:23 AM

I can usually tell that the advice has gotten lost once the second post appears ... because the MO for such cases typically looks like this:

Minor (rather ridiculous) issue -> met with "none of your business, choose your hills" -> followed by allegations of major abuse!

Really? You care about the skids' clothes being colour-coordinated, and severe beatings come second?


Quoting leegirl_jm:

People will feel how they want to feel, some people are more sensitive than others especially those in an emotionally challenging home situation.

I don't think advice given in a harsh or hostile manner is going to be effective with everyone. If you beat someone over the head with constructive advice it is bashing, and many times the person miss the advice.



leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 8:45 AM

I have seen those too but I also see cases where better wording could have avoided the appearance of bashing. A regular poster would recognize the brashness as the poster's style but a newbie could be taken aback. 

Quoting Pero3:

I can usually tell that the advice has gotten lost once the second post appears ... because the MO for such cases typically looks like this:

Minor (rather ridiculous) issue -> met with "none of your business, choose your hills" -> followed by allegations of major abuse!

Really? You care about the skids' clothes being colour-coordinated, and severe beatings come second?


Quoting leegirl_jm:

People will feel how they want to feel, some people are more sensitive than others especially those in an emotionally challenging home situation.

I don't think advice given in a harsh or hostile manner is going to be effective with everyone. If you beat someone over the head with constructive advice it is bashing, and many times the person miss the advice.




Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

bottomline
by Silver Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 8:47 AM

 You have to learn to ignore the bs in here, and there is plenty, and only take what applies to you. I don't think everything needs to be a heated debate complete with name calling, but we have all seen posts go there pretty fast.  It happens.

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