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SD newly moved in

Posted by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 3:15 PM
  • 15 Replies

Hi...I was hoping to get some advice.  My SD to be and her Dad have newly moved in and all is going well except for one thing.  He has her every other weekend and every Tues night.    The past couple of Tues nights have been very trying for me.  I feel ousted from my own home by the ease in which they have just slid right into their normal routine.  It's come to the point that my fiancee mentioned that we need to "talk" about Tues nights because he sees that I'm agitated and he feels tension in the air.  I don't know how to answer him.  I don't know if it's a jealousy thing but I unfortunately wear my feelings on my face and in my demeaner which will cause an issue with my fiancee sooner or later.  She is a very good, well mannered child so she really isn't a bother so  I don't know why I'm feeling this way.  I'm afraid to go home tonight because I don't want to be confronted with the "talk" he wants to have.  Help =(

by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 3:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MammaPK
by Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 3:19 PM

Have you joined fulltime step moms???  You should!  Read my profile and message me if you want to.  I can help and we can chat... think it over.

Welcome!hugs

mssd
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 3:23 PM

Hi..No I haven't.  I'll look into it.  Is that within this website?

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 3:36 PM

How recently have they moved into your place?  How new is this to you? 

Maybe you can find something else to do on Tuesday nights instead and give them some 'alone time that evening, whereas on his weekends, you can do things with them (since it seems that it's only the weekenight visit that is the issue)?  Go out with a girlfriend that night?  Take up a class you've wanted to do for a while?  (educational or fun)  Come up with a 'game night' that you can all participate in yet that may include whatever it is that 'they' have always done too?  Have a 'theme' night if they watch movies each Tuesday, so dinner is whatever would go with the movie? 

You just need to figure out if the problem is you, or them.  Or, is it that it's all so new and you're feeling overwhelmed.  It can be as good or bad as you make it, and sometimes you just need to give yourself some time to adjust.  All they did was change their surroundings, you've made more adjustments in this situation it sounds like (living alone to living with boyfriend full time and his DD part time). 

BasketballMama8
by Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 3:37 PM

U just aren't used to her being there (I assume). After a while I think you will warm up to it and possibly even look forward to it. It's like that even with just friends moving in, family moving in, getting a new dog, whatever. I think you'll adjust :) 

Bethann04
by Beth on Aug. 28, 2013 at 3:41 PM

I felt the same way when we moved in together.  I felt my privacy was invaded and I couldn't "do my thing".  It was all over my face and they both could see it.   I did have to lay some boundaries with her dad so that my room was still my room, etc.  I also try to except that is their time together and its good for them to have private bonding time.  I use the opportunity to go see my friends, go to the gym, go for a walk etc.   I also make it clear on our "alone" nights, that he needs to make the time up to me and insure we have our own quality time.

mssd
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 5:58 PM
@jules2boys...been together now 3 yrs and they moved into my house in Aug. Ive gone out a couple of times while she is here alone with her Dad but im afraid that if i go out every Tues that she might take offense and think I don't want to be there.

@basketballmam8...I know it will take time, tx :)

@bethann04..sounds like I have a long road ahead.

Tx so much ladies!!!
macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 6:49 PM
Are their specific things that bother you or you just dont want her there? Are weekends better?
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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 7:07 PM

 im thinking you are the type that has a routine during the work week and maybe the visit throws you off? could that be it? that would explain why teh weekend visits dont bother you.

mssd
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 8:36 AM

My routine on Tues nights was just being alone.  I would have that night to do what I wanted. My fiancee is so easy going that he has told me to go about my routine of what I used to do, go out with friends, get my hair done etc.  I just don't want them to start feeling "oh she doesn't want to be here because of my daughter".  I know this probably all sounds real silly to be feeling this way.  I'm actually surprised at myself for thinking this way.   Thanks for the advice ladies!!

Seychelles1409
by Silver Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 8:06 PM
1 mom liked this

Please feel free to message me.   I had your exact feelings and didn't handle the situation very well.  You are lucky that your fiancee wants to talk to you.   My DH let the situation get worse and it was a long time before it got better with his daughter.   Would love to try and help.   Let me know if you want to chat.

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