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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

I'm going crazy and my boyfriend is tired of me venting

Posted by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 8:10 PM
  • 38 Replies
Ah!!! I stay home with my two step kids and my new baby while dad goes to work. He wants it to be like if they were all our kids and be a happy little family, but his kids are such a handful.
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 8:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kristinbugg
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 8:22 PM
2 moms liked this

Why are you allowing yourself to be used as an unpaid nanny to a man who hasn't even married you?

Also....they're not your stepchildren if you're not married to their father.

Melimelimeli
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 8:29 PM
Yeah, believe me I know. I feel like an unpaid nanny some times, even though he spoils me and gives me everything I want. The reason we are not married yet is complicated and have been wanting to get married for the past two years. But now that his overly complicated divorce is done, his kids are scaring me away. But let me point out that we have a 5 month old son together.
soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 8:31 PM

How often do you have the kids? I would suggest telling dad to find alternative care.

CFSTBSM27
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 9:17 PM
1 mom liked this
Complicated? If he's legally able to marry you and wanted to... he would.... And no offense,saying he "spoils you" and presenting that as an excuse to pawn his,children off is a little silly don't you think? You said his divorce is just,now done? Im confused?

As kristen said they are not your stepchildren if you don't want to watch his children then don't. A new baby is stressful as it is.
Melimelimeli
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 9:42 PM
Ok. So thanks for your interest. It's hard to figure out how to start some times and I was in a really bad place earlier and just wanted to screem but lately I have found myself all alone when I feel like this. My boyfriend is the best, no real complaints there, except his idea of parenting is really laid back and he thinks that kids are just beautiful and fun and appreciates every scream, spilled drink, and toy in the hall way. My boyfriend is the most patient man in the world. But back to the divorece. The papers have been signed by both parties, we are just waiting on the judge to sign it. He has a few businesses and a few houses and lets just say a lot to lose. My boyfriend felt like he owed it to his children to fight for these things since their mom wouldn't of passed anything down to them. So for the sake of his children it was a very complicated divorce. The custody battle alone lasted a year, which I was a part of and had a psyc evaluation for.
kargirl42
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 9:57 PM
6 moms liked this
It can be complicated.. Sounds like a good idea to hold off the whole marriage idea..
It's amazing how some women here feeling a man doesn't ask you to marry him then that must mean he's an A-hole... That's such old school..
I'm happily NOT married to my partner and yes I do get stuck doing a lot of things go for HIS boys.. And yes I do complain about it...
Your not alone..
And darling don't listen to these women that want to make you think you aren't worthy of being married if he hasn't popped the question.. You can be happy and have a rewarding and fulfilling relationship without a piece of paper and an attorney.



Nlvonblah
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 10:25 PM
3 moms liked this


He also isn't home with the kids all day, every day.  If he was he would probably be losing his mind and begging to be at work.  I hope you can find time for yourself atleast ask for time for yourself if he spoils you so much get him to pay for pedi/mani/spa days every month.  Days without kids.  Date nights.  Just some suggestions so you won't lose your mind.  We have to take care of ourselves first or we can't take care of anyone else.  N


Quoting Melimelimeli:

Ok. So thanks for your interest. It's hard to figure out how to start some times and I was in a really bad place earlier and just wanted to screem but lately I have found myself all alone when I feel like this. My boyfriend is the best, no real complaints there, except his idea of parenting is really laid back and he thinks that kids are just beautiful and fun and appreciates every scream, spilled drink, and toy in the hall way. My boyfriend is the most patient man in the world. But back to the divorece. The papers have been signed by both parties, we are just waiting on the judge to sign it. He has a few businesses and a few houses and lets just say a lot to lose. My boyfriend felt like he owed it to his children to fight for these things since their mom wouldn't of passed anything down to them. So for the sake of his children it was a very complicated divorce. The custody battle alone lasted a year, which I was a part of and had a psyc evaluation for.




gmoen1977
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 6:49 AM
3 moms liked this

Divorces are always sloppy no matter what.  some just don't deal with the huge complications of others.  Sorry but a piece of paper doesnt make a commited relationship.  So marrying isn't the commitment and neither does this make you a step parent or not.

Your a parent figure period, and i would talk with the other half about his lack of parenting and rules and find a way to create rules he can live with.  he is like this with his kids he will also be like this with the together child.  you have to be on the same rules and disapline level to make it work.


Melimelimeli
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 10:09 AM
I want to be with him I just don't know how to be a good step mom. The kids see me as their primary care taker. The youngest one, she's five, calls me mom. But I run into a lot of problems. I need help, advise, and support. And I just don't agree with my boyfriends advise and I don't want all we talk about be me complaining about his kids
Graceplustwo
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 10:38 AM
2 moms liked this
It seems like you want thid to work. I have a very similar situation. I havev2 ss and a now 12m old. We are married thoygh, but I'm a sahm so I always end up being the fall back babysitter to skids, which I don't mind always but some tines it Is hard with skids and my baby. But I do not act like or try to be a motherly figure to them. Not because I'm mean but because they have a mom . My ss are 6, 10. I think your problem with your SO might lay in the delivery. People are ALWAYS going to be DEFENSIVE with their children, they will always be blinded with love, as you will be with your son, so I would suggest using very positive words and tones to avoid him being automatically offended by your " complaints" about his children. Try a different approach and see if that works. So where is bm and what is the custody agreement that you would be primarily the caretaker for skids


Quoting Melimelimeli:

I want to be with him I just don't know how to be a good step mom. The kids see me as their primary care taker. The youngest one, she's five, calls me mom. But I run into a lot of problems. I need help, advise, and support. And I just don't agree with my boyfriends advise and I don't want all we talk about be me complaining about his kids

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