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Drives Me Up The Wall! Long Vent...

Posted by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 1:26 PM
  • 9 Replies

Im PMSing, so please excuse the vent. It just really drives me up the wall that BM is constantly stressing SD8 out about the dumbest things.

My DD7s birthday party is tomorrow. We are getting manicures, going for hibachi, then having a sleepover. Its just DD, SD8, my little cousin, and two of DDs friends. I always plan it on a weekend that we dont have skids and I send my DS5 to my fathers. This way, DD can have the house to herself and also so that a bunch of rowdy girls staying up all night and waking up early dont bug the other kids. 

Well SO told BM about the party a month ago. She agreed that SD can come. Well last night SO is talking to SD and she says that she isnt going to DDs party. Her reason is that BM wants to take them for manicures instead and that Moms upset and doesnt think its fair that she's doing it without her. SO tells her its ok and that she doesnt have to go if she doesnt want to. SD starts crying saying that she really wants to go but that "Mom doesnt understand why you couldnt do this during your vacation week." He tells her that it wouldnt be right to plan DDs birthday around what BM wants, but thats its ok if she doesnt go and to not be upset about it. He did suggest that maybe she could get a mani at the party and a pedi with Mom. They hang up and she calls back an hour later saying that her Mom said she could go again. 

I just dont understand why she needs to put that stress on her. She knew what the party was a month ago! Why cant she just either say NO to begin with being that its her weekend, or just let it go and let the kid have fun being that she said yes?

And then on top of that, we are having a family party for DD and SD12 next weekend. Their bdays are 6 days apart. BM asked if she could have SD10 and SD8 for a few hours that day because BM has a party to go to that the girls friends are going to be at. SO talks to the girls about it and tells them that we have the family party, but being that its the last weekend of summer, they can choose whichever they'd like. They didnt realize it was the family party, so SD8 chose that and SD10 chose her friends. SO did not try and guilt either of them, he just wanted them to know their options. He wasnt upset with SD10 at all when she said she wanted to go to the other. Well, BM didnt like that and told SD8 it was ONLY a party for DD and that it wasnt for SD12. And that Dad only said that so that they would choose HIS party. So of course SD got all upset that Dad "lied" to her. 

First of all, if he didnt want them going to the party with BM, he had every right to just say NO. And he would have. He really didnt care which one they chose, he just wants them to have fun. Second, why would you straight out lie to your kid about something you know absolutely nothing about? Why would we have a family party for DD and completely ignore SDs birthday??? It just drives me crazy that she has to stress SD out about the stupidest things.

And I know this is a petty vent, but it just bugs me to see her constantly do this to SD. 

by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 1:26 PM
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Replies (1-9):
amonkeymom
by Amy on Aug. 30, 2013 at 4:06 PM

She sounds really manipulative!

chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 4:55 PM
BM sounds jealous.

I do have a question though. Why does your child get a birthday celebration all to herself while SD has to share a family party with her a week later?
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:14 PM

 i would assume because BM prob throws her a party too.

Quoting chasinrainbows:

BM sounds jealous.

I do have a question though. Why does your child get a birthday celebration all to herself while SD has to share a family party with her a week later?

 

 
        
         

chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:20 PM
Why does it matter what BM does?



Quoting faerie75:

 i would assume because BM prob throws her a party too.


Quoting chasinrainbows:

BM sounds jealous.

I do have a question though. Why does your child get a birthday celebration all to herself while SD has to share a family party with her a week later?

 

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 6:13 PM

 it doesnt. but you often see this discussed in teh group. how the skid gets two of everything and mom wants to do something extra for her own kid since her kid only gets one.

Quoting chasinrainbows:

Why does it matter what BM does?



Quoting faerie75:

 i would assume because BM prob throws her a party too.


Quoting chasinrainbows:

BM sounds jealous.

I do have a question though. Why does your child get a birthday celebration all to herself while SD has to share a family party with her a week later?

 

 

 
        
         

Quinn525
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 6:21 PM
From my experience this drama just gets worse and worse. Even if it means excluding sd from it don't switch weekends or plan according to weekends you have. Its sometimes sad but that's how it has to be sometimes. You don't want this little issue to open up a can of worms.
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chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 8:16 AM
I agree with doing something extra but not being so obvious about it would be better. We have FIVE kids bdays to celebrate here and each is celebrated differently. I can't imagine my dd having a party, sleep-over, whatever then turning around doing a family party the following week....sharing it with SD. A family party wouldn't be bad IF SD got some sort of special bday celebration where it was just about her. Otherwise it is likely the family party was happening anyway and because SD was going to be there, her name got tossed in there.

Quoting faerie75:

 it doesnt. but you often see this discussed in teh group. how the skid gets two of everything and mom wants to do something extra for her own kid since her kid only gets one.


Quoting chasinrainbows:

Why does it matter what BM does?




Quoting faerie75:


 i would assume because BM prob throws her a party too.



Quoting chasinrainbows:

BM sounds jealous.

I do have a question though. Why does your child get a birthday celebration all to herself while SD has to share a family party with her a week later?


 


 

amyjo76
by Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 8:58 AM

I understand your point about not doing something special for the SD separately. However, if you look at it if you were in a situation like mine, it doesn't seem quite as easy. My ex doesn't do anything for our children when it comes to birthdays or holidays. So the only party is at my house. From a child's perspective, they aren't going to see things as fair if they have 1 party at mom's and 1 joint party with the step sibling to the step sibling's 1 party at mom's, a separate party (or activity) at dad's and then a joint party. It would be one thing if the dad took his child out for something special, that would make sense if that's what you were saying should be done. For us, my SD lives out of state so to have a party with friends just isn't going to happen. It's too early so maybe I'm way overthinking what you asked. :)

LoveMy2x4
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:16 AM

We have 6 kids bdays to celebrate. Each of them get a family party. DS5 has to share his with Fathers Day, and DD and SD have to share theirs together being that their bday is 6 days apart. 

The way I look at it, is that if I were to throw my skids a bday party, it would be considered overstepping. I would LOVE to have a party for each of them, but thats just not going to fly with their BM even though she doesnt do it herself. But Im not going to NOT have a bday party for my kids because of that. That wouldnt be fair to my kids.

When we have their shared family bday party, SD gets to invite a few friends and they sleep over. DD doesnt get to do that. The next day I take SD and DD shopping with the gift cards they got and SD gets to bring a friend. 

SO always done something special with his kids for their bdays one-on-one. So it isnt like any of their bdays go ignored. 


Quoting chasinrainbows:

I agree with doing something extra but not being so obvious about it would be better. We have FIVE kids bdays to celebrate here and each is celebrated differently. I can't imagine my dd having a party, sleep-over, whatever then turning around doing a family party the following week....sharing it with SD. A family party wouldn't be bad IF SD got some sort of special bday celebration where it was just about her. Otherwise it is likely the family party was happening anyway and because SD was going to be there, her name got tossed in there.

Quoting faerie75:

 it doesnt. but you often see this discussed in teh group. how the skid gets two of everything and mom wants to do something extra for her own kid since her kid only gets one.


Quoting chasinrainbows:

Why does it matter what BM does?




Quoting faerie75:


 i would assume because BM prob throws her a party too.



Quoting chasinrainbows:

BM sounds jealous.

I do have a question though. Why does your child get a birthday celebration all to herself while SD has to share a family party with her a week later?


 


 



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