I am the SM to a 10 year old SD that is manipulative and hateful. She is jealous of my BS and BD. She is with us 70% of the time and has managed to drive a wedge between her dad and I. She has outbursts telling her father that she hates him, he's a terrible father and that he doesn't love her. She hits him and attacks him during these outbursts. After 30 minutes of trying to let them work it out, I end up intervening by telling her she needs to close her mouth because I'm not allowing that kind of nasty talk in the house. I have to tell him to walk away and quit trying to "talk" to her. When she is raging, she is not listening to anything he is trying to say. After these outbursts, my husband is quickly over it, and myself.....well, I'm not. It takes me days. I do not want to be around her. I usually spend the days outside doing yard work just to get away. We are in therapy, but my husband and his daughter go together. He is a very private person and he is good at sugar coating these blowouts with the therapist. Why can't I be the adult and move past these outbursts? My husband says I'm in competition with the ten year old, but I feel like he has given her the power to compete, because he does not properly discipline her. My hands are tied and I'm feel like I'm losing my mind.
We raised our children so differently. Example: When my BD was 10, I made sure that she was neat and tidy before school. I helped her do her hair until she was able to do it on her own. My SD has been allowed to go to school with wet hair. (her hair is long) Even on the coldest mornings. She wants to wear the same pair of pants three days in a row. I talked to her father and said that it's a reflection on us as parents that she is going to school with wet hair. So he tries to talk to her about blow-drying her hair or having me do it and she refuses. So that's the end of that. She wins and I drop her off for school with wet hair. This is just one of many daily problems I have. It's ruining my marriage and making me hate this little girl. It's a terrible feeling.