Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Curiousity about bm vs sm

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 10:14 PM
  • 85 Replies
3 moms liked this
I have read alot of posts bashing each other, and I have a question that maybe atleast one bm can explain to me! Why is it that although sm cooks for, cleans up after, does laundry, and etc for your kid/ kids while they are in the home that does Not belong to just your ex, do you think as sm we should not have any part of the rules they have to follow or discipline ? Why do you consider it none of sm business about extras he helps you with? The money does come out of our, not his, budget!!!
Barbie Plus aka OvertiredMommy
by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 10:14 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
paulswifey11
by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 10:21 PM
3 moms liked this
Because bm always rules everything. It's bs. I am a bm and a sm. I'm so glad my bk have a great sm.
fivegirls333
by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 10:22 PM

i do not care or have any business with anything that goes on in your home...unless it is harming my child.  i think that your first family and your first children are your first responsibility.  if you cannot afford another family?  do not have one.  just because daddy leaves the home does not mean he is not their father...and all of the responsibilities that are included, not just weekend warrior.  childrens' needs change.  both of their parents are responsible for making these things happen.  if it affects your cash flow then maybe you should have chosen better.  i don't care where he gets the money for braces.  it is hard for me to come up with half too! if braces are needed, braces they get.  period.

DeliteCrazy
by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 10:29 PM
I'm a fan of your home and my home. Rules etc in both homes.

As for money, extras etc. That's our ex's job to figure out and if sm is part of that decision than so be it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 10:32 PM
I have no idea if SM does all of those things in Dads home. I've never asked her or him or anyone what goes on there. So for all I know, he could be doing all of those things for his own children.

I won't say it's 'none of her business' because her husband can share with her anything he wants. And I would expect a husband to discuss money going out of a joint account with his wife. The only thing I will say is that when it comes to a decision like a medical decision or an educational decision, opinions might be welcome but the ultimate decision is between the two parents UNLESS both parents are in agreement to get a third parties input. If one or the other doesn't want to include a third party in decision making, then it should be respected. That's just my opinion.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
happymommy1105
by Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 10:32 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm a birthmom and a stepmom. 

I don't see any point getting involved with sd and whatever crazy situation is going on there because everytime I have tried it has turned out badly.  Her dad does EVERYTHING for her now.  I refuse to touch her laundry, do dishes after her, make her a plate for dinner, etc.  

I tried to be the loving, caring, trusted person in her life and she wanted nothing to do with it.  Her dad wasn't supportive of me becoming a trusted person in her life and I was tired of fighting.  

Quite frankly, I think most of SD bs comes from her mom.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 10:33 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't agree with that. Not ALL bm's. please be cautious with your generalizations.


Quoting paulswifey11:

Because bm always rules everything. It's bs. I am a bm and a sm. I'm so glad my bk have a great sm.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 10:33 PM
Good for you for standing up for yourself. Dad should do those things anyway.


Quoting happymommy1105:

I'm a birthmom and a stepmom. 

I don't see any point getting involved with sd and whatever crazy situation is going on there because everytime I have tried it has turned out badly.  Her dad does EVERYTHING for her now.  I refuse to touch her laundry, do dishes after her, make her a plate for dinner, etc.  

I tried to be the loving, caring, trusted person in her life and she wanted nothing to do with it.  Her dad wasn't supportive of me becoming a trusted person in her life and I was tired of fighting.  

Quite frankly, I think most of SD bs comes from her mom.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 10:36 PM
4 moms liked this

It doesn't matter what BM thinks is none of your business, what you are involved in is between you and your DH.

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

OvertiredMommy
by Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 10:38 PM
5 moms liked this
First or second, in some cases third families, it doesnt matter, a man does have the right to move on and build a life with someone else! Just because you were first doesnt make you or your kids come before his wife and their kids!

Quoting fivegirls333:

i do not care or have any business with anything that goes on in your home...unless it is harming my child.  i think that your first family and your first children are your first responsibility.  if you cannot afford another family?  do not have one.  just because daddy leaves the home does not mean he is not their father...and all of the responsibilities that are included, not just weekend warrior.  childrens' needs change.  both of their parents are responsible for making these things happen.  if it affects your cash flow then maybe you should have chosen better.  i don't care where he gets the money for braces.  it is hard for me to come up with half too! if braces are needed, braces they get.  period.

Pink_Handcuffs
by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 10:39 PM
2 moms liked this
My kids don't have a sm. When Bm was still alive, I didn't question purchases. The amount dh paid and all the extras most would shit a brick.

His obligations and priorities didn't change when they divorced.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)