My vent being a new step mom and about my SD and the BM (long, sorry)
Hey Ladies! I'm new to the group. Hoping it's a nice place to vent a little since I know NO one else who struggles with being a SM and the joys of a hateful BM...
So I married my husband in June. His daughter is 5, mine are 4 and 6. I married him even though I know my SD is a little difficult and his ex is a hateful woman.
I'm used to my girls being pretty quiet, laid back, good in public, not hyperactive, etc. My SD is just about the opposite. She has tons of energy, loud, hyper and most times hard to control in public meaning she likes to run up and down isles, touches everything, asks to have everything etc. She likes to tattle tell, she will occasionally hit, has scratched my oldest and made her bleed, she screams at my kids when she doesn't like something and even at adults. I can tell she doesn't have much discipline at her mother's. Her mother lives with her parents who, it's obvious, spoil her and let her run around like a wild animal. When I wasn't with my husband, my SD was alone here and he let her do whatever, too, because he felt bad that she was probably lonely and bored since he has no other kids in the house. So part of the blame is on him as well. He knows he should have been more structured but his loneliness and depression made it difficult to even keep his house clean.
Now that I'm around, I like rules, obediance, routine, structure,chores and so forth (I'm not a perfectionist, Nazi cleaning type or anything though). SD is not used to this. I get attitude and excuses on why she can't clean her room or help clean up the mess they all made. She is used to throwing a fit and getting her way at her mother's...here she gets disciplined. I have personally witnessed my SD's little brother (BM's and her husband's son) who is around 2 throw a fit and they just gave into him. Her manners I am working on as well. Instead of "May/can I have this, please?" It's "I want this or that" and expects it to get it...so when she doesn't she will argue with me.
I know her mother isn't making things easier either. Telling her she doesn't have to listen to me, saying things (right in front of my face) that "She's not your mom, I'M your MOM!" Manipulates her and teaches her to lie (that's from my husbands mouth because he can see the changes in his daughter). This woman hates me and doesn't even know me. First time I met her I was dropping SD off for the weekly exchange because my DH had to work...the woman would not even look at me for me to introduce myself. Another time I came to get my SD, my SD complained that she would have to share her drink and wanted her mom to keep it (Not true, she was just being dramatic) and her mom says right in front of me "Well, if you can't have your own drink over there then I'll just hold on to it." I was about to speak up but instead I nicely talked to my SD when we got in the car that she doesn't have to do that and she would have been able to finish her drink. After that was the she's not your mom, I'm your mom, incident. So now I just avoid pick up and drop offs. This woman never communicates with my DH about anything. If something doesn't benefit her, she won't compromise and it seems with her it's all competition. I feel bad for my SD that her mother is doing this to her instead of being a parent with her father...she is just making it one of those sad situations where the daughter is in the middle using her as a pawn.
It's been tough being pregnant and dealing with her spoiled-ness. I have almost gotten to the point of telling my Dh he can deal with her chores and make her do these things because many times she does not listen to me, but he works 10 hours a day and gone for 12 because of the commute. Luckily, school is in now and she is in kindergarten most of the day.
I have told my DH I don't care if my SD doesn't like me because I actually have her clean and get her in trouble for yelling, hitting, and acting out. That I treat her like she is 5 and capable of wiping her butt, picking up after herself and respecting adults rather than a little child who needs everything done for her like at her mothers. I just hope one day she will appreciate that I care about her and am to raising her to be a responsible, respectable and self suffecient person.
Ok, I think I feel a little better letting that out. Sorry it's so long! So, there is my story for now...and I'm sure I'll have more to share later.