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The X

Posted by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:35 AM
  • 12 Replies
So I did not know how vicious the Xs mouth was until after I said the vows. I get regrets sometimes when I have to deal with her venomous words she tells the children about my child or myself. I do not want to feel this way but it is not easy. It is exhausting and hurtful. I know she is lost, hurt, angry, resentful, bitter, jealous, etc. but it is hard to rise above it everytime. I feel really alone dealing with this because noone in my family or group of friends have had to deal with this type of lifestyle. Any good advice to help me stay strong in these hurtful unnecessary unfair trials?
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:35 AM
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spicy0425
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:48 AM
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Like you said, the X is lost, hurt, angry and resentful, bitter and jealous then have some compassion for her and let time heals her wound. The best thing you can do is to invalidate and "disarm" her comments is to ignore her hurtful comments, her prbably lies about your family. I know it is hard to do, but if you continue getting riled up every single time you hear her saying things about you, that means you give her the power of controlling your own emotion and temper. I was like you at the beginning. Fortunately, I learnt early that the one thing the X hated the most is when their words have no meaning, no value and no effect on your psychy. I learnt to joke with my SDs whenever they told me what their mom said about us. For instance, OSD what I did for a living and if I married her dad for money. I laughed and said "yes, honey I married your dad for money because I believe if we both put our money in the same piggy bank, it'll fill up quicker". So my SDs and I started putting the change in their piggy bank. It got heavy pretty quickly. And told my SDs "see, I told you. the piggy bank fills up faster. Now we can take some change out and have some ice cream". And I took them out for some ice cream with the money we just put into the piggy bank.

That's some of my tricks. I hope it'll work for you too.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:49 AM

When is it that you have to deal with her and hear these hateful words?

Rocker.Mom.07
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:54 AM

I understand. My SIL is a SM but her DH's ex is nice and they work together...so she doesn't deal with the same things I deal with with my SD's mom. All I can do is try to ignore it when things were said in front of me. No idea what she spews behind my back even though she doesn't even know me. I just don't understand why people can't suck it up, it's life, and try to be decent human beings for their kids sake no matter how much they dislike the situation.

Tx_stepmom
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 1:03 AM
1 mom liked this

In the past I wanted to confront BM on every nasty thing she would say about me.  I just don't care anymore.  She's not worth my time or stressing out.  Her words have come to bite her in the ass more than once.  Over time, SS realized shat she was saying was crap.  He sees her for what she really is.  Jealous.  She always stays at our house longer than she's welcome, she says snarky things constantly and I just let is slide.  If she gets personal, then I speak up.  I just try to ignore her.  I let my DH deal with her.  I try not to deal with her unless absolutely necassary. 

VictorySmom
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 1:10 AM

Thank you so much for the posts:) They really help.

 

Talis
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 1:24 AM
1 mom liked this

Ignore her.

VictorySmom
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 1:27 AM

When the Skids come home and talk about it, or thru emails to my husband.

SMInProgress
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:16 PM

Yes, lots of us have the same BM.  You're not alone.  Don't give her the power though & just stay away from her.  Only say/ do something when she comes to your house & puts you in an uncompromising position. Other than that, avoid her like the plague. 

There seems to be a lot of new SMs on this weekend so going to advise you reading "StepMonster". It'll give you a short cut view on what to expect, especially with "venomous words" (it will explain parental alienation syndrome).

jojojack
by Bronze Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:23 PM
1 mom liked this
Ignore her. If she fires you up its what she wants. She wins. Ignore her don't feed into it .. You are the better person.
iSMILEheCRIES
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 1:25 PM
Its hard but ignore her. When you hear the info thru the kids-depending on age and personality- I liked the joking idea. If they say "my mom says you are mean" tell them you are a witch and ask them to go get you the broom and ride it around the kitchen. Nothings worse than the next time BM says you are mean and all they can do is laugh remembering you riding the broom. If you hear it thru DH and the emails- turn it into a bonding experience and some inside jokes. DH and I still joke about stuff his ex said years ago. She wins if you get mad, if you want to get mad do it quietly when only dh around. Its not worth it fighting with her, it gives her more fuel. The only other thing I can say is don't let it happen in your home- if she picks the kids up and starts spewing tell her to wait in the car- you can have the upper hand without saying a negative word. Nothing makes ME madder than trying to pick a fight with the quiet person whole just looks you in the eye or is indifferent.
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