Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

SD (4) spanked DD (2)

Posted by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 2:40 PM
  • 49 Replies
This incident happened last week but I haven't really felt like posting about it until now. I tried Googling but got nothing and decided I needed some tailored advice. I am asking on behalf of DH, who came to me for suggestions on different methods of discipline since this has happened a few times.

Whenever SD feels that DD is doing something wrong, she snaps at her, takes things away, and in a few instances.. Spanks her. It has happened 4 times in the last 8?months.

With the exception of her spanking DD, we react pretty calmly and remind her that she is a big sister.. Not a mommy or daddy. We have explained to her what things big sisters can help with and what things they can't. We have told her that we are glad she wants to help but Daddy and I get onto DD. We also told her what type of things she needs to tell on DD for and what things she needs to ignore. There have been many, many talks.

Part of what has caused this is that (a) she's 4. Seems normal for a 4 year old to attempt to take charge. (b) it's her personality. She's a little bossy. (c) BM has encouraged and allowed her to be discipline and be responsible for her little brother (turning 2 this month)

We're not mad at SD. We don't think she's a bad child. (before anyone throws those out there) But we do want the behavior to stop.

When it happened last week it was because I had left the room to gather laundry, and in my absence DD sat on the coffee table. When I was headed back into the living room I heard DD screaming and smacks like skin to skin contact. I rounded the corner to see SD jerk DD off the table and yell at her that she wasn't supposed to be up there and that's why she got spanked.

DH tried to talk to SD but she just kept screaming and crying and saying she didn't know. So DH sent her to her room for time out and repeated the same stuff listed above. She apologized to DD.

We do spank. But not for every little thing. For dangerous or outrageous behavior. Example. DD thought it would be funny to try to run off in a parking lot. I had to grab the back of her shirt to stop her. She kept laughing and I popped her leg once to get her attention. I don't want her getting hit or causing someone an accident.

But day to day.. We don't spank. Timeout is way more effective for our kids. They can't stand not getting any attention (we send them to their room) or we have consequences like.. No TV. Or its now quiet time, we're going to lay down for a little while and calm down, or taking away a toy they're not sharing well.

So.. I hope I have expressed myself well enough to get some good advice because I don't think this was the last time this will happen. DH doesn't know what else to try. I don't agree with spanking on this issue because I think it sends a confusing message (to clarify.. I would not spank her. That would be DH if it were necessary.)

Advice?
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 2:40 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 2:52 PM

I don't have any helpful advice.... My oldest is 7 and he tries to discipline my batgirl(dd) all the time and I hate it.... He hasn't spanked her but he'll smack her hand if she hits him and yells at her...

spicy0425
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 2:58 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't have any inputs because I've never experienced this. Here a response to bump the post cuz I am interested in hearing what other has to say about this too.

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 3:24 PM
That's OSDs personality too. We constantly are telling her she is not the mom. Time outs work but nothing seems to change it long term. It has gotten slightly better.
amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 3:29 PM
How old is your SD? LOL yeah that's a common phrase here too.


Quoting Polkadotted:

That's OSDs personality too. We constantly are telling her she is not the mom. Time outs work but nothing seems to change it long term. It has gotten slightly better.

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 3:58 PM

9. She's slapped hands a couple of times, but that stopped after a stern talking to.  Our biggest problem is she always picks up DS (he's 3) to move him where she thinks he needs to be. If he crawled to the stairs she would pick him up and move him.  She has dropped him twice. And she sends the younger ones to time out a lot... Or tries to.... Yet she doesn't follow the rules herself.

so all we have found is to not put her in a situation where it's needed...or keep her busy.

Quoting amanda_mom89:

How old is your SD? LOL yeah that's a common phrase here too.


Quoting Polkadotted:

That's OSDs personality too. We constantly are telling her she is not the mom. Time outs work but nothing seems to change it long term. It has gotten slightly better.


Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 4:04 PM

Shoot...it's happening right now as they are all playing down in the playroom... YSD is screaming that OSD is being a boss.... And now OSD is coming up to tattle.... Ugh I guess I can't hide anymore. 

amylulu1
by Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 4:35 PM

 All I can say is consistency.  It will take a while but as long as you stay consistent with what you are saying to her and timeouts for inappropriate behavior, she'll finally get it.  I have 4 kids and the older ones just loved trying to "parent" the younger ones.  It is normal.

buttercup627
by Bronze Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 4:39 PM
If time outs work put her on time out. Kids shouldn't be hitting kids , end of story, she's out of line and needs reprimand.
KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 5:00 PM
I think you are doing all the necessary things. This behavior is normal. It's probably not going to just stop. Like other behaviors, she will have to be reminded on many occasions. Again, it's completely normal. Just continue to tell her that she's not the boss and leave it at that. However, she may always exhibit some form of this behavior because she's the oldest and that's just what we do. ;-)
PinkButterfly66
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 5:03 PM

Put Miss Bossy Britches in a time out.  Tell her she is being punished for hitting. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN