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Yours, Mine, Ours

Posted by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 5:56 PM
  • 11 Replies
Hello :) I'm new to the group. Funny, I was actually on CafeMom 6 years ago when I was trying to get some advice from people regarding the birth of my second son. Here I am now again looking for more advice! I'm recently remarried. I have two children from my previous marriage (both boys, ages 5 & 10) and my husband has two children from his previous marriage (girl, 6 and boy, 8). We've begun talks of "should we have another?". We both love kids and we are financially stable. I think our biggest concerns are: five kids just "sounds" like so much (lol, I guess 4 does too), do we want to start diapers/daycare all over again (we both work), and even though all 4 kids, on separate occasions and completely on their own, have expressed their desire for us to have a baby - how will this decision, should be come to a yes, affect them? I'm glad to have found a group with step children because I think that element adds a whole new level to this question.

Does anyone have any similar experiences, either personal or through someone you know, that you're willing to share? I'd love to hear from someone who's been here. What they did, and how it all worked out.

Thank you!
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 5:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Ruby Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 6:01 PM

Welcome!  How long have you been married?

by Silver Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 6:06 PM
1 mom liked this
I have 5 kids that are all my bios so 5 doesn't sound like a lot to me! :-)
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 6:15 PM

Welcome to the group, I'm new too.  And I'm having "our" baby tmrw so I'm not sure what life will be like after.  Right now things are very smooth and none of the kids (his age 16, 15, 7 and mine 6) have said anything negative.  We also all live together full time with no outside interference from the exes.  The 16 and 15 year old are new to the house (long long story) and were raised a little different so I expect to have some "no this is how we raise the baby in this house" moments but that's life- you would have it easier with slightly younger children.  If the baby will disrupt some type of living or sleeping arrangement I would let the kids "help" fix that problem, you might be surprised who comes up with the solution.  GL have that baby!

by Gold Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 6:29 PM

I think that it really depends on whether you and DH want to start over with a baby. Depending on how long it takes to get pregnant, you would be looking at a year before baby comes...or possibly 2 1/2 like it took DH and I or more.

Next, I think it depends on the custody situation. What is the visitation schedule for your kids...for DHs? If all the kids aren't there all the time it is different than if they were, kwim.

If DH and I could have afforded more kids...we wouldn't have stopped at 3. We have SS11, ODD7 and YDD2. We have them full time as SS's BM passed last month, DH adopted ODD in Feb and YDD is ours.

Otherwise, if the kids are on board...IMO the only possible issue might be with the other BPs. Only if you have a poor relationship with them and them possibly trying to stir issues with the kids.

by Ruby Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 6:42 PM
What's the custody arrangement for all of the kids? How will they be affected by a new baby as in sleeping arrangements?

I desperately want a baby with my husband. I have a daughter, and he has adopted my son. But I want to experience pregnancy and birth with him. But finances are keeping it from happening. We've decided, we are 'old' - too old to start over with diapers and daycare. We just wrote our last daycare check two weeks ago! Lol and it will cause financial hardship. One we aren't comfortable with.

Good luck with your decision. I understand wondering how a new baby would effect the kids - I felt that way when pregnant with my second child. You know your family and so you'll make the best decision for you. The kids are at great ages to welcome a new sibling!
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by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 7:11 PM
Thank you...funny timing actually. We're just about to start the process of buying a new house, so with whatever decision we come to, we'll be able to make sure we plan ahead for the right amount of bedrooms.

We have my kids almost all of the time and his every other weekend and every Wednesday. It'll be a huge adjustment. Sometimes I think that would be absolutely wonderful and sometimes I don't know :/
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 7:18 PM
Wow I just saw all the other responses too! Thank you guys!! We have been married since April. Life together is great and like I said we just love kids!! And I, personally, love the idea of sharing the entire experience with him. He's such a good dad, I almost feel like I'm missing a part of our life together by not raising a baby with him. Does that make sense?

Fortunately we have a pretty good relationship with the exes. My kids' father isn't around too much but his kids' mother is. I don't really know what she'd say but I think she would be ok with it. She's remarried as well and we're actually all together quite often
by Gold Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 7:48 PM

We only have 3 but we both have one son apiece who are both 4 and a DD together who is 1. We both are CPs of our boys. It was surprise baby though, but a happy one. So I say if you are ok with doing diapers and all again and have the means go for it.

by Platinum Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 8:02 PM

We have 4 (SD 13, DS 10, and DDs 5 and 6).

Personally, I think now, with your youngest being 5, it'll be the easiest time to have another. All the other children in your home are old enough to be self sufficient in most things.

Good luck with whatever you decide :)


by Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 8:57 PM
I have a 7 yr old dd, a 5 yr old dsd and a 2 yr old that is ours. Honestly sometimes it's hell. The ex wife stirs up mega drama including telling dsd that our baby wasn't her brother. Ugh
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