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I found myself resentful of BM

Posted by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 9:06 AM
  • 35 Replies

DH had to work all weekend so I was home alone with SS - 2 years old.  I am 8 months pregnant with our first.  BM was supposed to take SS this weekend but never contacted DH - which is often the case, we weren't surprised. 

SS was a terror.  Mostly just being a 2 year old, not listening, throwing tantrums, and going a mile a minute all the time.  Saturday morning I was trying to make some breakfast and he was climbing all over my feet, and I couldn't even eat in peace because he wanted what I had - though he had already had breakfast - and he wanted it from my bowl not his own. 

For the first time in over 2 years, I found myself resentful of BM.  I love my SS.  I have since day one.  He is an amazing little boy and I am so blessed to be a part of his life.  But I was resentful of her.  Thinking she was probably sitting at home, enjoying her breakfast in peace and quite.  Maybe she would get to take a Saturday afternoon nap, read a book, or just not have to trip over toys all day.  Maybe she would be able to go to the grocery store without a 2 year old in tow. 

I feel wrong for feeling this way.  And even though SS probably had no idea I felt this way, I apologized over and over to him on Sunday.  I still feel guilty.  Like I ruined our weekend by feeling this way.  This little boy has already lost out on having his BM around and now he has me, the evil SM. 

Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this?  I told DH and he understands and he was around yesterday so I had help.  Like I said, I've never felt this way before.  I feel so bad.   

by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 9:06 AM
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by Silver Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 9:32 AM
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She's the one missing out, not you.  Sure, a nap sounds nice.  Peace and quiet are hard to come by with a 2 year old in tow.  But rest assured, this time is precious and cannot be recovered once it's gone.   BM does not sound like the type of person you should be jealous of. 

Happily Married | BM to DD14  DD14  DD12 | Mom to DS7 & DS4 | CP | Not a SM

by Ruby Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 9:36 AM
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No, babysitting a stepchild was something I couldn't do, I think kids are their parents' problem to figure out. If my DH can't babysit then he has to pay someone to do or have the mother do it.

In your case, you are married to the CP, the feelings you have expressed don't sound evil to me, you feel bad for feeling that way. Stop beating up yourself, you sound tired and maybe a little overwhelmed, get your DH to assist more wherever he can to lighten the load when you are alone with your SS, don't let him off easy, he can manage.

by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 9:45 AM
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OF COURSE you resent the lady who isn't taking care of her son as she agreed to do (legally, and- that is sort of an agreement you make to the kid when you give birth to him, right?)!

Even if you weren't the SM, any caring person would hate that a mother wasn't being a good mom to her son!

Good for you for talking about it with your DH and for talking about it on here.

It sounds like you are a great SM.  And the pregnancy is probably helping you feel a little more sensitive all the way around, right?

by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 9:59 AM

totally normal and acceptable. that said, it's possible he was picking up on your negative emotions and acting out as a result. he also sounds like a typical 2 year old. =) good luck mama! just remind yourself that one day, he'll realize how his mommy hasn't and wasn't around for him, and YOU were. 

by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:36 AM

I think at 8 months pregnant, it's probably your hormones are talking. Take a break, relax, take a bath and think of something nice and fun.

by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:40 AM
You don't have anything to feel sorry for except mayve for BM. Craptastic choices she makes now... .bite her later.
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by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:43 AM
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Sometimes kids can just be overwhelming. Even with my dd, I have days when I just need some space. It happens, it's ok. And of course you occasionally resent BM not taking care of her kid. No matter how much we love them, they have a mom and it sucks if she won't step up to the plate. Hang in there, and congrats on the upcoming baby.  :)

by Ruby Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 1:44 PM

 that is how all two year olds are but honestly, it would have made me annoyed too. i get annoyed w my own kids sometimes, and the skids arent mine.

i let SO handle it when ive had enough. for example this weekend. i was nursing the baby and ss5 kept putting his foot near the baby's head, i askjed him a few times to stop bvut hes such an amazing listener (not) so i referred him to dad who sent him off the couch.

by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 1:50 PM

That's not wrong, you're pregnant and tired, she should of done what she was suppose to.

ive been jealous of my skids mom. I've been trying to get pregnant and had 6 miscarriages and she has had another baby and is trying again....I miscarried the week she had her baby, my skids were soooo happy...I just wanted to punch her in the face....

feelings aren't always rainbows and sunshine :) 

youre perfectly normal!

by Bronze Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 3:32 PM

Thank you for the encouragement!  I just feel horrible now that I'm back at work and feel like I ruined our long holiday weekend together.  But he will get extra love tonight and hopefully he will forget about my grumpiness on Saturday. 

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